PACO Calling TACO - 15

This conversation happened on July 13, after the news of Lindsey Graham's death reached Russia.

"Hello, Donnie?"

"Hi, Vlad. I'm sorry I can't talk with you right now. Not right now. Or maybe ever."

"But why, Donnie, what happened?"

"You killed my good friend. Maybe my best friend in politics. Or if not my best friend, then definitely one of the good ones. He was so loyal. So loyal, Vlad, you can't even imagine!"

"What??? I killed your friend??? What the f*ck are you talking about?" [pretends to be insulted]

"Oh, c'mon, Vlad, don't pretend you don't know what I'm talking about. Lindsey Graham is dead."

"Oh. That's why I'm actually calling, to express my condolences. But how in the world could you have thought I had something to do with his death? Wasn't it an aortic explosion or something?"

"That's the official version. I was told that he could have been poisoned with something that leaves no traces in his body. No traces at all, like your Novi..."

"You seriously thought I poisoned him?" [indignant]

"That's what my intelligence guys and FBI are telling me."

"And why would I do that, Donnie?"

"He was one of your biggest enemies, Vlad. He truly hated you. You should have seen him when he talked about you. So enraged! He thought that you are the man of the Devil set on destroying the world. His words, Vlad. He also said someone in Russia should take you out."

"I know he hated me, Donnie. I even issued an arrest warrant for him if he ever attempted to enter Russia. But I would never have him killed!"

"You are the only one who directly benefits from his death, Vlad. You are the only one who really needed him dead."

"But how could I have done it, Donnie?? I have never even met the guy in person!"

"I was told you have long hands and can reach your enemies anywhere in the world."

"Who told you so, Donnie?"

"You yourself did, Vlad. And offered me your help in taking care of my enemies."

"It was a joke, Donnie, in good spirit. As a friend to a friend. But seriously, Donnie, where did Lindsey Graham come from?"

"South Carolina. He was a four, five, or six-term senator. He was so full of life, Vlad, and made lots of plans, was going to help me with the Save America Act..."

"Yeah, yeah, I know all of this, Donnie. Where did he come from, like where he traveled to on his most recent trip?"

"Ukraine. He actually spent his birthday in Ukraine, which I thought was pretty stupid. We could have thrown him a nice party here. Such a nice party!"

"Exactly, so think about it, Donnie, he went to Ukraine and died the next day after his return. Don't you think it's the Ukrainians who have killed him?"

"Why would they do that, Vlad? He was their biggest friend and supporter, and always lobbied for more money and equipment for them. He could be really annoying that way, too."

"Exactly for this, Donnie. So that you say I've had him killed, to draw a wedge between us. So that they could never be suspected and you turn away from me and start helping them."

"Ahhh, that kinda makes sense, Vlad! Really makes sense now. But how could they have killed him? They don't have whatever the stuff you have, Novi..."

"Well, maybe it was just his heart defect or whatever led to his aorta bursting. I am really sorry about his death, Donnie. But I have nothing to do with it. I actually wanted to talk with you about something else."

"Oh yeah, what's that?"

"Zelensky is going to this new summit in Europe, Ballistic Producers, or something like that? You wouldn't know anything about it, would you?"

"Me??? Nope. I haven't even heard anything about it. Not heard about it at all. Why?"

"You wouldn't by any chance license the PATRIOT missile production to him, would you, Donnie?" [menacingly]

"Sorry, Vlad, they've just told me there's a decision on my lawsuit against IRS. I have to go now. Bye!"

Putin, after Trump hung up, "I'll call you later, Donnie, bye!"