PACO Calling TACO - 13

This conversation happened on April 26, 2026, after the shooting at the Hilton Hotel where the White House Correspondents' Dinner was just about to start.

"Hello, Donnie, are you OK? I just saw what happened at the dinner."

"Hi, Vlad, but how? Isn't it night in Moscow? Weren't you asleep?"

"Yes, but for the important news like this my security wakes me up."

"Really?"

"Nah, I just happened to stay awake. Couldn't sleep."

"Yeah, just like me? Sometimes I just can't sleep. But then I don't need much sleep anyway, only about 3-4 hours a night. Don't need much sleep, it's incredible, really."

"Sleep is important, Donnie, you should try to sleep more. Anyway, who is the failed assassin?"

"Some woke crazy guy from California, I was told. Can you imagine, from California? It's like this is falling into my lap by itself. I can now say more bad things about California and Newscum. They are all scum and wakos."

"I heard he didn't even get to the ballroom where you were, just started shooting in the hallway?"

"Yeah, can you believe it, my Secret Service is that good, they disarmed him before he got into the room. Can you imagine how everyone was scared, Vlad?"

"Yeah, I saw that on the video. Good thing no one panicked. They were all just ducking under the table, obeying the secret service commands. I can't even imagine the stampede if they all decided to run for the exits. Why did they evacuate JD Vance before you, Donnie?"

"I don't know. Maybe because he was in the way? I really don't know."

"Or maybe because he is considered to be a better asset because he is younger than you and because the powerful tech bros are standing behind him and want to protect their precious asset?"

"Do you really think so, Vlad?"

"I do. I'm telling you, Donnie, JD is a dark horse. Too many things are happening around him. You should be more careful with him."

"You are making me scared, Vlad. I'll see if I can ask someone to look into this. The thing is that I can't really trust anyone. Can trust no one."

"That's the fate of all strong authoritative rulers, Donnie. I can hardly trust anyone as well."

"And what do you do, Vlad, how do you keep going?"

"Purge the traitors. Regularly and relentlessly, so that everyone else can see what will happen if they betray me."

"Ah, that's good. Purge the traitors. I can only fire them and go after them through the courts. But then the courts are not always on my side. Like with Comey. They are not always on my side."

"You need to appoint more judges, Donnie, put more of your people in courts."

"I'm doing that all the time, but some of them still go rogue."

"I would take care of those as traitors that they are. I could even do it for you but you don't want me to."

"Yeah, it would be too obvious, Vlad. I can't risk this. Just can't risk it now."

"Anyway, you need to use the assassination to your political advantage, Donnie. What are you going to do?"

"Ah, that's a great question. Two more things fell right into my lap with this. Great things, really. First, I will cancel the White House Correspondents dinner until they can guarantee my absolute security, which they never will."

"That's smart, Donnie. I know you dislike them very much. What's the second thing?"

"I will push for the ballroom construction again, and now I have a better national security reason."

"Why are you so fixated on that ballroom, Donnie? What's behind it?"

"Not behind, Vlad. Underneath. I've almost finished the beautiful luxurious bunker underneath it, and now need to put the ballroom on top."

"Ah, the bunker. That makes perfect sense. Well, good luck, Donnie. I have to go now. Good night."

"Good night, Vlad." After hanging up, "That was sudden. Something about the bunker?"

Putin, after hanging up, "He finally got his bunker. Well, it will never be as good and as big and safe as any one of mine."