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"Oh Lord, the economy!"

by Robert Allen 12 months ago in satire

Unfiltered sarcasm regarding the stock market, oil pipelines and the broken hearts of money worshippers.

Update Febuary 7th 2021: I fully support the shutting down of the Keystone Pipeline and the kids of Reddit, who stuck it to the hedgefunds last week, they are heroes.

If insensitive and poorly worded diatribes against those mourning the economy aren’t your thing then I suggest you head over to the comment sections of Forbes or Business Insider to bemoan and participate in handwringing over the unfairness that this virus has dealt to your favourite business interests.

Don’t get me wrong, I understand the scope of oil futures falling to negative prices, I understand that not all oil companies are massive corporations with deep pockets, I get it. People, ordinary hard working people are going to suffer, and that makes me sad.

I understand that when the big wigs suffer the common man is destined to suffer as well, probably more so.

I see what has been happening with the massive stimulus and bailout packages that once again leave the majority of people standing out in the cold.

So many staunch defenders of the system are now falling victim to it.

In our desire to be successful – or more specifically, wealthy – it never occurred to us that our financial idols would forsake us? Never would have thought that our idols whom we hold in such high regard for their successes and high achievements would at the first sign of disaster throw on dresses and climb aboard the last lifeboats leaving us to go down with a sinking ship?

In a satisfying bit of irony, an Ayn Rand devotee on whose wall hangs an expensive MBA from a pricey west coast university and who is always the first to pontificate about the survival of the fittest, personal responsibility and who is not embarrassed to be proudly indifferent to those among us who may be considered downtrodden came to me passionately defending all of the small businesses and entrepenuaers who are being financially devastated at the moment.

Fuck em, I said.

His head was spinning. After all, I love to come off as compassionate and caring. I am certainly one of his more compassionate and caring friends.

But Robert, it isn’t just big oil companies it is the people working in the oil fields, folks with small enterprises. These workers have gone straight to the breadline in less than twenty four hours!

So, fuck em. I said.

I say this not because I don’t care for hardworking people, I say this because I was allowed for a moment to put him in the other guy’s shoes.

You see, whenever I tried to have a meaningful conversation with him about a social issue that required compassion I was met with the same callous indifference.

On police brutality.

Fuck em, if the man hadn’t have broken the law maybe he would not have been shot.

On trans kids killing themselves in disturbing numbers.

Fuck em, if these mixed up kids can’t handle it then maybe their parents should have raised them to be stronger. By the way, there is only one gender, lol.

On our homeless brothers and sisters.

Fuck em. They made poor life choices. They can work for a living just like I do.

You probably see where I’m going with this.

I never knew just how empowering fuck em could be.

And just to be clear, I’ve got some skin in this game as well, albeit not as much as most. But yes, my pocketbook is taking a hit just like everyone else’s. Certain immigration plans and a new tourism based business I had in the works are now dead in the water. There is a real possibility that my meager real estate interests are at risk. Yes, if the economy is devestated then I too will feel it. Life is a crap shoot.

So yes, oil field roughnecks who bust their asses are gonna suffer. That’s the way the cookie crumbles.

You know who else is suffering? Grocery store workers, service industry people, fast food cooks and gas station cashiers, all those people who the “lovers of finance” and “big business” sneered at when it was suggested they be paid a living wage. Now? Well now they are deemed “essential” which is what I see as a bogus attempt at redeeming their decades of nastiness towards this section of the workforce. “These are our heroes, our essential workers”, it is rather nauseating. Pay these people fairly or fuck off.

In the midst of all this uncertainty let us have a bit of dignity for Christ’s sake. This species of ours has been walking a razor’s edge since day one; war, famine, disease, genocide, displacement and every other nightmare scenario imaginable. We’ve faced it all and we have almost always come out a bit better on the other side. Let us try to channel some of the bravery and moxy that those before us had to use in order to survive a world where trouble waits around every corner.

Let’s not snivel over our checkbooks or cry in the middle of the street as our jet skis and sportcars are driven off into the sunset by the repo man.

There are most likely some very difficult times ahead for most of us. I feel for friends and even for some foes as what is coming will likely leave few unscathed. The things that many people worked long and hard for are gonna be taken from them. The financial safety nets that people spent years knotting together will be tattered in a few months time. Tempers will shorten as the breadlines lengthen. Some of us are not going to make it out of this intact or some cases, alive.

Either way, don’t come crying to me about the stock market and pipelines.

Update Febuary 7th 2021: I fully support the shutting down of the Keystone Pipeline and the kids of Reddit, who stuck it to the hedgefunds last week are heroes.

satire

Robert Allen

Mediocre author, amateur photographer and stay at home father.

Read next: How to Deal With Liberal Family Members and Friends When You Are Moderate or Conservative

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