North Korea Fires a Missile Over Japan

Good Evening. I’m Jason Provencio, with Proven News Network. A new story, breaking from Japan. North Korea fires its 21st missile this year. That’s 1 more than Trump can count with his fingers and toe-sies. This problem with Missile #21? It flew over Japan.

“DAMN, I love seeing sheer firepower flying through the air. Gives me a mean hard-on. But Kim Jong better be careful. Japan doesn’t like explosive objects flying over their country. GET IT? GET IT? BAHAHA!” — Donald Trump’s comment after being asked his opinion about North Korea’s portly little psychotic leader.

Sadly, Trump wasn’t done. “He’s a funny guy. LOVES the U.S. A good friend of mine. But that haircut. He’s the leader of an entire country, what kind of Eddie Munster haircut is that, anyway? Someone, please tell Supercuts to expand into North Korea, already.”

Jeff Bezos had this to say when asked for his opinion regarding the launch. “I think North Korea has the right to launch anything they please. Why should we be the only country to get to test fire dick-shaped rockets? Though his missiles are nearly as big or bulbous as my lovely, beautiful, powerful, thick, projectiles. Full of rocket juice.”

“Uh, Jeff. That’s called ‘rocket fuel.’ one of his scientists says, correcting him.

Bezos slowly licks his lips and stares off into the distance. “Yeah, sure Chief. Whatever…” *pushes a big red button on his desk, releasing a trap door under the scientist.

Tensions are running high in Japan after this 21st test launch of the year. Prior to this, the last missile that North Korea launched over Japan was in 2017. The year that Trump shut down travel to the US from 7 predominately Islamic countries, which most considered some racist-ass bullshit.

This was also the same year Trump allowed the commencement of firing 59 Tomahawk missiles into Syria three days after they had used a chemical attack against Khan Shaykhun during their country’s civil war. This was the biggest known poisoning of a country’s own civilians until Trump launched Truth Social in February 2022.

This has poisoned far more civilians’ brains than the attack against Khan Shaykhun. When asked if Trump thought North Korea could retaliate with their own missile attacks against the Truth Social headquarters and servers, Trump laughed and responded thusly:

“Are you kidding me? Get real. Truth Social is already the greatest website out there. It’s going to be bigger than Facebook. And truthful. Way more truthful than fake-news CNN. They were very unfair and unkind toward me.”

Trump continues: Truth Social servers cannot be destroyed, as they are spread all over the nation, in fine, upstanding citizens’ parents’ basements all over the Deep South, Bible Belt, Texas, and Florida. It’s easier for our correspondents to report REAL news this way. We’re even realer than Fox News. Who said some very unkind things about me when I was president. FAKE NEWS.”

When asked to comment about Truth Social’s active user base being somewhere around a half million people, versus over 215 million Twitter users, Trump angrily fired back:

“WRONG. Fake news. We are far more numerous and stronger than Twitter. Twitter was very unfair to me and controlled by the very crooked and liberal media. Check Hilary’s emails, you’ll see the level of corruption we’re dealing with here.”

He continued, “When I’m reelected in 2024, we’re going to go after these sources of fake news. Perhaps I’ll collaborate with my good friend KJU over in North Korea. We will destroy the servers of anyone who is spreading fake news. I’ll take the Americas, he can handle the little ching-chong countries over there.”

“Together, we stand strong. America first, N. Korea second. But like, WAY BEHIND. He knows not to bite the hand that feeds him. And he doesn’t seem to be missing many meals. AM I RIGHT?”

PNN’s top female news reporter, Chelsea Malia had to chime in at this point:

“Uh, Mr. Trump. One might say that this plan reeks of negligence. Bombing servers of websites that disagree with you? Calling Asian nations “ching chong countries? And you don’t appear to be missing many meals, either.”

She wasn’t happy to be interviewing this racist, bigoted former president, that was apparent. Trump was not pleased with her insolence. He pursed his lips together, forming a very butt-holish-like look to his mouth.

“WRONG. You see, this is why women shouldn’t be allowed to be news reporters. It all turns to FAKE NEWS as quickly as you could have run to Mickey D’s to get me a supersized Big Mac Meal with a side of Adderall. Now run and pick that up for me, and apologize to Daddy Trump later, Sweet Cheeks.”

The shock on her face after being sexually harassed by Trump on national TV was apparent. She shook it off though and agreed to go find his lunch. We here at PNN do not condone the ex-president’s comments and actions. But a man’s gotta eat.

Trump sighs heavily as she leaves: “I hope she hurries up. I’m having drinks with that fine-ass Marjorie Taylor Greene this afternoon. She’s single now, you know. When they’re getting divorced, you can do anything you want. Grab ’em by the pussy. Play with their Flipper-toes. I’m gonna serenade her with a romantic song.”

“Georgia… I’m in Georgia…” Trump croons.

She returns with his lunch order, hands it to him gracefully, and apologizes for her very unfair and unkind fake news reporting. She has another story to cover and graciously heads to the next news story. Trump settles in to consume the fat-laden calories required to keep him looking like Jabba the Hut.

We take a break from Trump coverage to report some more US news. There are yet more hate crimes to report from a number of red states. We also have an expose to report about Elon Musk’s new rocket, as inspired by the recent launch of Kim Jong-un’s latest missiles.

This new spacecraft nicknamed the Pocket Rocket comes complete with a long shaft of a body, another big, bulbous rocked head, with the fuel tanks resembling a big set of balls. It’s said to be modeled after its designer and creator himself. Or copied from Jeff Bezos. All of these dicks look alike, to me.

“Wait, what’s this? We break for an unbelievable news story. This just in: The 46th President of the United States is dead at age 76. Early reports indicate that he either choked to death on a Big Mac or had a heart attack. Poisoning is also a possibility.”

“Let’s have a moment of silence. Since we can FINALLY have a moment of silence now that he’s gone.”

*silence

In related news, Proven News Network correspondent Chelsea Malia is sought for questioning after reportedly being the last person to see Donald Trump alive. She seems to have gone missing. PNN will keep you updated on this breaking story once we’re done celebrating.

*Pops a bottle of champagne.