Moscow’s Calling - 28

This conversation happened on August 6, 2024 after the news broke that Kamala Harris had chosen Gov.Tim Walz of Minnesota as her running mate.

“Hello, Donnie?”

“Yes, Vlad.” [weary]

“So she chose Tim Walz.”

“Who? What? What are you talking about?”

“Harris chose Tim Walz to be her running mate.”

“Ah, that. So what? Who cares who she chooses? I certainly don’t. Don’t care at all.”

“It’s ‘whom,’ Donnie.”

“What?”

“Are you hard of hearing today, Donnie?” [speaks louder] “It’s who cares WHOM she chooses, not WHO she chooses.” To the side, “I can’t believe I have to say this to a native speaker, but then it’s Trump.”

“Who?”

“Kamala Harris.”

“Ah, Kamabla. That’s my new nickname for her, Kamabla. People thought I made a mistake in my Truth Social post about her, but I did it on purpose. Kama-bla, because all she does is blah-blah-blah. She did what?”

“Chose Tim Walz as her VP.”

“So what? I don’t care. I told you I don’t care already, Vlad!”

“Well, I think you should care, Donnie.”

“Why?”

“Because we need to understand how to disrupt and discredit their campaign, Donnie.”

“We?? Are you still with me, Vlad?”

“Of course, I’m with you, Donnie. Remember the fraternity rule: You don’t quit on your brother!”

“Phew, Vlad, I’m so glad you say that! So glad. Recently seems like a lot of people are turning their backs on me! So many people, so disloyal!”

“They’ll crawl back to you when you become president again and make America great again again, Donnie, don’t worry about them.”

“You really think so, Vlad?”

“I know so, Donnie. You’ll see, you just need to become president again.”

“I certainly hope so. I’d love to see them crawling back to me. So much crawling…” [dreamily]

“Yeah, yeah, Donnie, we’ll dream together later. What do we know about this guy?”

“Who?”

“Tim Walz, who else?”

“Ah, that old geezer.”

“He is not old, Donnie. He’s only 60, the same age as her.”

“Who?”

“Both Walz and Harris are 60. What’s with you and the WHO today, Donnie?”

“I didn’t know that. Both are 60, ha! She looks much younger and he looks so much older.”

“Well, she’s black, they don’t crack, as you guys say.”

“She is not black! She’s Indian! Was never black and then turned black for the campaign! I can’t believe you are repeating their lies, Vlad!”

“Ok, dark skined anyway. They look young much longer than us white people. Anyway, what else do we know about him?”

“Whom?”

“For god’s sake, Donnie, Tim Walz!”

“Nothing, really. But I already hate him, Vlad. He’s the one who started calling me weird. Can you believe it, me weird. He is a weirdo himself!”

“Ah, that’s who started it! And what’s the deal with RFK Junior and the bear?”

“Ah, that’s who’s really weird. So weird! [chuckles] Can you imagine, he claimed that he’d dumped a bear cub in Central Park because he had no time to skin and eat it. Can you believe it, skin and eat it! Even the weirdo Rosanne was shocked when he told her that story. So weird!”

“Ah, I see. I didn’t know about that story. Too bad he didn’t eat it, bear meat is quite tasty.”

“Are you kidding me, Vlad? Did you ever eat a bear?”

“Of course I did. I’m telling you, it’s very good, especially when they are young. Kinda like veal, tender and full of flavor. When you come visit, I’ll treat you for it.”

“Hmm, Vlad, I don’t know. It doesn’t sound good to me. Not good at all.”

“I promise you’ll like it if you try it, Donnie. But now this cartoon makes perfect sense!” [chuckles sending a text]

Trump, looking at the cartoon, “How does it make sense? JD and me are not weird, not weird at all!”

“I meant the hold my bear part, Donnie. Of course you are not weird. Anyway, since you don’t know much about Walz, I’ll go do my own opposition research on him. You do it too, and then we’ll compare notes, Ok, Donnie?”

“Ok, Vlad.”

“Bye for now, Donnie.”

“Bye, Vlad.” After hanging up, “he acts weird. It’s almost like he enjoys my election campaign much more than I do.”

P.S. For reference, here's the RFK Jr. and the bear news story: