Moscow's Calling - 22

This conversation happened on July 1, 2024, after the Supreme Court published its 6-3 decision on the presidential immunity case, granting the president immunity while committing official acts.

“Hello, Donnie, congratulations!”

“Hi, Vlad, on what?”

“On your big win, another one, with the Supreme Court immunity decision!”

“Ah, that. Yes, that’s a great win for me, but to be honest, I knew they would do that. I knew they would side with me. I appointed three of the six, they owe me.”

“See, you really get to reap the benefits of appointing people who will owe you favors.”

“I always knew that, Vlad!”

“Good, Donnie, good. I’m not really well-versed in your judicial system, so what does this decision really mean? Are you immune from all prosecutions?”

“No, only from the prosecution for the acts committed in official capacity. Official acts are immune. Only official acts, but that should be enough to delay all prosecutions at least until the election. At least the deranged Jack Smith will get off my tail for now.”

“And after the election?”

“Well, if I win it won’t matter because I will have immunity as a president. Oh, that presidential immunity is such a beautiful thing, Vlad! Such a beautiful thing!”

“And what if you don’t, Donnie?”

“If I don’t what?”

“If you don’t win the election?”

“I don’t even want to think about it, Vlad, because then I am screwed. They’d unleash all prosecution on me, for all crimes, imaginable and unimaginable. All crimes, Vlad! I’ll go to prison for sure then.”

“Maybe it’s time to think about Plan B, Donnie?”

“What’s Plan B?”

“What to do if you don’t get elected. Or do you wanna go to prison?”

“Of course I don’t, but what other options do I have?”

“You can always come to Russia, Donnie, as my personal guest.”

“Really, Vlad?”

“Of course, I told you so several times already.”

“So, what are the steps in Plan B, Vlad?”

“First, you need to take all the moneys you have or will have before November and transfer them into offshore accounts.”

“That I can do.”

“It will have to be the offshore accounts that can be accessed from Russia, because you know I’m under sanctions. I’ll send you the list of offshore banks.”

“Ok, Vlad, and then?”

“You do remember you still owe me two billion, right, Donnie?”

“I do, I should have it by then. With Trump Media shares sold, I should be good for it, Vlad.”

“Good, Donnie, because if you only come with several millions, all I will be able to offer you is my simple Altai Bunker.”*

“So, you do have a bunker after all, Vlad?”

“Your ability to harp only on something that interests you, Donnie, is uncanny.”

“What do you mean, Vlad?”

“Nothing, really. Yes, I do have a bunker in the Altai region that you can stay at, Donnie!”

“That’s so exciting, Vlad, thank you!”

“Also, when Kanye was flying out, my people gave him a little something from me to you, a belated birthday present.”

“Oh, really? What is it, Vlad, I can’t wait to get it!”

“It’s good, Donnie, call me when you get it. I’d love to know what you think.”

“I definitely will, Vlad! So excited! I hope it’s something better than what you gave Kim.”

“I gave him a car, Donnie. With all my power and might, I couldn’t send a car with Kanye.”

“I understand, Vlad. I’m just…”

“Are you jealous, Donnie?”

“Maybe…”

“You have nothing to be jealous about, Donnie. My relationship with Kim is strictly business.”

“Are you sure, Vlad? Ever since you visited him, it seems like your relationship is getting more personal. Looks like you are getting tighter.”

“How so, Donnie?”

“Well, I don’t know. He is sending his troops now for your fight in Ukraine.”

“Those are not combat troops, Donnie, just some builders and engineers, to help with the reconstruction in the territories we claimed back.”

“They all are military, Vlad, they all look the same to me. Uniformed military.”

“Well, I was happy that Kim gave me those troops. Any help now matters.”

“I would have given you so much more, Vlad!”

“Like what?”

“Like I would have finished the war for you.”

“Well, first you need to get elected, Donnie. Aaaand we are back to square one.”

“What do you mean, Vlad?”

“Everything hinges on your victory in the election, Donnie. So please don’t let me down.”

“I’m doing my best, Vlad, you know that.”

“Ok, Donnie, do better. I need to go now. Bye.”

“Bye, Vlad.” After hanging up, “I shouldn’t have mentioned Kim. I wonder why he got mad.”

*NOTE: Reference to Putin’s residence in the Altai region what experienced a major fire at the end of May in 2024.