Moscow's Calling -12

This call happened on Dec.25, 2023.

“Hello, Donnie?”

“Yes, Vlad! I’m so happy you called! You haven’t called me first in years!”

“I did call you in September… or October, I don’t remember exactly. But anyway, I just wanted to call and wish you a Merry Christmas!”

“I appreciate that, Vlad.”

“I wish that in this new year, all your dreams and wishes come true.”

“I only have one wish, Vlad. Just one wish.”

“To become the American president again?”

“Oh, no, I hated that job. Would never want to do that again if I didn’t have to! Never.”

“Oh really? I thought you loved that job, being the most powerful man in the world.” (chuckles)

“Well, I did like the power part of it, to be honest. Loved it, actually. But I hated the work and the media witch hunt. Oh, the witch hunt! I could never do anything right in their eyes.”

“I can understand that.”

“Can you really, Vlad? The media in your country seem to worship you.”

“It’s only because I silenced those that didn’t, Donnie.”

“Oh, I so wish I could do that. If I get elected again, that’s the first thing I will do, silence the media that hate me.”

“That’s the first thing any good ruler does, Donnie. Call me a dictator, but I need to dictate my media what to write and talk about, especially when it comes to me.”

“Oh, that’s where the word ‘dictator’ comes from! I need to remember that and put it in my next speech. You amaze me every time, Vlad. By the way, did you notice that I talked about you in my rally speeches, Vlad?”

“I did, Donnie.”

“Did you like it?”

“It was flattering, but I would really appreciate it if you didn’t mention me and Hitler in one speech. My people suffered from Hitler a lot and it’s not good for me when I’m compared to him.”

“Hitler did a lot of good things, Vlad.”

“For his people, for sure. He shouldn’t have attacked the Soviet Union. That was his gravest mistake. We could have ruled the world together and crushed the United States.”

“Hey, it’s my country you are talking about, Vlad!”

“Yes, but we both know that it’s on the wrong course, siding with the Ukrainian Nazis and becoming more and more fascist every day!”

“True that!”

“By the way, I will send you the translation of my conversation with my military. I think you will like it; it says a lot of things about the Ukraine and America.”

“Please do, I would love to read it, Vlad!”

To the side, “Like you ever read!” To Trump, “I’ll email it to you right after we are done talking. All I’m saying is America needs you as president, again, to set it on the right course, Donnie!”

“Don’t I know it, Vlad! My people keep telling me that. They beg me to do it!” (both chuckle)

“Anyway, what’s your wish then, Donnie?”

“My wish?”

“Yes, you said you had one wish, but it wasn’t to become the president again.”

“Oh, that. I just don’t want to end up in jail, Vlad. They are after me for so many things!”

“Ah, I see. But wouldn’t becoming president again solve that problem for you, Donnie?”

“I guess… But I just don’t want the hard work of the presidency.”

“Don’t worry about that, Donnie. I can do the work for you.”

“Really? You would do that for me, Vlad?”

“Of course not, Donnie! How would that look in the eyes of the world? But I will give you good advice, Donnie, and your second presidency will be much better and more pleasant for you.”

“Deal. Will you help me get elected again, Vlad?”

“I’ll do my best, but my resources have been depleted, Donnie, as you know, with the fucking Ukraine.”

“I’ll make sure the Ukraine loses when I get elected, Vlad.”

“See, we need each other, Donnie.”

“I’m so glad to hear that, Vlad!”

“Merry Christmas again, Donnie! To a much better 2024, for both of us!”

“Your words into God’s ears, Vlad!”

“You mean to say, ‘from your mouth to God’s ears’, right, Donnie?”

“Yes, I could never remember that Yiddish saying right. But you understand me better than anyone, Vlad, thank you.”

“Alright, Donnie, I have to go now. Merry Christmas again!”

“I’ll call you for your Christmas too, Vlad!” (excited)

“Great, talk to you then! Bye, Donnie.”

“Bye, Vlad!” After hanging up, “Well, this was a very pleasant call!”

****

Translated by ChatGPT and emailed: Vladimir Putin's remarks at the extended meeting of the Ministry of Defense council on Dec.20, 2023:

Let me remind you, as we all well know, in 1991 they promised Gorbachev: no, no, not an inch to the east - well, here you go. Such partners. They lie shamelessly, just at every turn. Meanwhile, the aggressive nature of the bloc is no longer hidden behind "defensive" formulations... Let's remember that immediately after the collapse of the USSR, the West began working most actively in Russia, and with our "fifth column," around which we always jumped, patted their heads, persuaded them, tuned them to some patriotic wave. It doesn't matter. There are different people, let's not tar everyone with the same brush.

Nonetheless, the enemy knew what it was doing and knew who it had to work with - both with this "fifth column" and with terrorist organizations, including international ones, and with separatists actively working towards the task of disintegrating Russia itself. Parallel to this, they were no less active in the post-Soviet space, tearing apart all the newly formed independent states - former republics of the Union of Soviet Socialist Republics. A particular emphasis, even before the collapse of the Soviet Union, was placed by the adversary on Ukraine. Firstly, due to a number of historical considerations, considering that many former Nazis had moved to the American continent, particularly to Canada, and the USA, there was a good base, and they worked with them, entire institutes were created that worked only on this theme. They were prepared. And as soon as the collapse occurred, they took up the task with full force. They worked inside us - and there with doubled, tripled strength. Why? Because they always believed that Russia, losing such potential, would never return to its former geopolitical positions and would not pose any threat even as a competitor.

As for Russia itself, as we know, they planned to divide it into five parts. They did not hide this; it was all discussed openly. They worked on Ukraine separately, of course, betting primarily on the nationalists, forgetting in the process that these very extreme nationalists are former Nazis who collaborated with Hitler. And without hesitation, they allowed Ukrainian nationalists to turn these former Nazis into national heroes, like Bandera and others like him... The West, with a focus on these active, aggressive nationalist forces in Ukraine, simply left us no chance. But they also faced the fact that it is impossible to achieve their ultimate goals legally and to pull the whole of Ukraine to their side. It doesn't work - there's the southeast, which comes to the elections and votes for those who speak of the need for good relations with Russia.

That's what happened in real life. It doesn't work out, decade after decade, it just doesn't work. What did they ultimately resort to? A coup d'état. Yes, of course, there were many problems in Ukraine - internal, economic, social, many injustices. But why a coup d'état? Go to the elections, as we were always told: only by political means, only so, only within the framework of the Constitution! Where is all this? I don't want to - the camera is working - to show certain gestures, right? But you understand what gestures I now want to show. That's what they showed us. They realized that they couldn't completely "screw" Ukraine over to their side exclusively by political means, so they took advantage of the mistakes, the miscalculations of the then leadership of Ukraine - again with a focus on these nationalist aggressive forces - and carried out a coup d'état. It's unclear why, just to solve the problem once and for all, and that's it.

In this sense, of course, they achieved their goals. We had no choice but to support Crimea, otherwise, they would have carried out a massacre there... The West, especially overseas, watched this with pleasure. In this sense, they, if I may say so, outplayed us... For what? This is the second part of the Marlezon ballet - to drag Ukraine into NATO. And they kept telling me all the time: what are you afraid of, we're not going to take them now. I say: now, but what about tomorrow? And when will this tomorrow come? In a year, in two? From the perspective of historical prospects and strategic interests of the Russian state, even in 10, 15 years, this is unacceptable. What does "not today" mean? But what about tomorrow? The goal, undoubtedly, is to pull Ukraine into NATO. Remember, I just spoke from the podium, we are constantly talking about this, they said in 1991: not an inch to the east. Nonsense, "not an inch" - here they are, already at our fence, sticking out. And they stuck out. They took the Baltics, all of Eastern Europe. Also - why? There were various different proposals, quite acceptable for everyone.

I have said many times, and here I repeat - such a country as Russia is not needed, it's too big. It needs to be divided, subdued in pieces, as they subdue Europe in pieces. I will talk about this more. So, they practically brought about, unleashed a war in 2014, into which we gradually, unfortunately or not, but we had no other choice, had to be drawn into. At the same time, they solved another quite important task for themselves, they defused the situation for themselves: they were very worried about the rapprochement of Russia with Europe, very. They must be the masters there. They always scared: look, malicious Russia threatens you! I have communicated with many leaders, and they told me: why are they scaring us? We understand that Russia is not going to fight with Europe. We are not even planning to now. The leadership of the United States and NATO say: if Russia wins in Ukraine now, the next ones will be NATO countries. But why do we need these NATO countries? We never needed them - and we don't need them now, and we won't need them in the future...

They specifically dragged us and Europe into this conflict, achieved their goals in this sense - "tore apart" Russia and Europe, and now they are shifting the burden of financial responsibility and payments onto Europe as well. The spineless, backboneless generation of today's politicians in Europe can't stand up to this, considering the colossal dependence in the media, in the economy, in politics. There, you know, wherever you poke a finger, in any major media outlet in Europe, the ultimate beneficiary - some American funds, through three or four intermediaries.

Everyone is there, all across the ocean. And this influences political life. From a young age, from the student bench, the special services "acquire" their supporters there, we know this, and work with them, dragging them to the political Olympus of European countries... But this is their choice, this is the choice of the peoples of Europe. We have never interfered, do not interfere, and do not intend to interfere. But what we will definitely do is we will defend our interests... In 2014, they carried out a coup, and that's it - and then they went on with this lawlessness. They simply forced us to respond to this lawlessness.

But what I would like to say in conclusion: the only guarantee - also, I've talked about this somewhere before, it slipped out - of Ukraine's sovereignty and territorial integrity was Russia. Russia, when it created the Soviet Union, just transferred along with the population huge historical territories, Russian ones, immense potential, and invested colossal resources into all this territory. The western lands of Ukraine? We know how Ukraine got them. Stalin gave them after World War II. He gave part of the Polish lands, Lviv and so on, several large regions - where 10 million people live. To avoid offending the Poles, he compensated their losses at the expense of Germany: he gave away the eastern lands of Germany, the Danzig Corridor, and even Danzig itself. Part was taken from Romania, part from Hungary - all given to Ukraine. And the people who live there - many of them, at least, I know this for sure, 100 percent - they want to return to their historical homeland. And the countries that lost these territories, primarily Poland, dream of getting them back. In this sense, only Russia could have been the guarantor of Ukraine's territorial integrity. If they don't want it - no need. History will put everything in its place. We won't interfere, but we won't give away what's ours.