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I’m A Black Man

by Maxwell Jordan 2 months ago in satire

If You Skip This Article You’re Racist & Here’s Why

I’m A Black Man
Photo by Julian Myles on Unsplash

I am a black man.

Therefore give me money, privilege, and status because, you know, I am a victim.

All white people MUST clap on this article, comment, and highlight points you agree with; otherwise, I will think you are a racist.

And we all know that being racist is the WORST thing a person can be.

A murderer?

No.

A pedophile?

No.

A Genociding Maniac?

No!

Being a racist in America is the WORST THING you can be.

There is no GREATER VICTIM than Black Americans.

If you dare try and point out how North Koreans are living in an actual slave state, or how the Uighurs are being genocided right now, or how human trafficking of women around the world is a reality for millions of people — I will b*tch and complain over you detracting from how “Billy Bob” called me a n*gg*r and hurt my “po’ fweewings.”

You racist *sshole.

So listen up, white people, to help ease that “white guilt” of yours, all you need do is clap and read this article, as it helps to give me more money.

GIVE ME MY REPARATIONS THAT YOU OWE ME.

Yes, YOU, in particular, you white racist that is reading this article.

GIVE ME MONEY for my victim-ness.

Now, this is a win-win for all of us.

I get paid for my “blackness,” and you get to shed a bit of that “white guilt” you have for things you have not done or for things which you have no desire to do.

And me, I can rake in that MULTI-BILLIONAIRE DOLLAR VICTIM INDUSTRY MONEY.

Why should BLM, these sports icons, and these liberal politicians get all the money?

That doesn’t seem to be fair.

It’s a MULTI-BILLION DOLLAR industry; there is enough of that sweet victimhood money to go around for everyone.

Well, just us black people, other races do not suffer as much as us black people suffer.

WE HAVE A MONOPOLY ON VICTIMHOOD!

Whoever said being a victim isn’t worth it?

Not me, I tell ya! Not po’ me!

I am thinking of starting a podcast called “I’m Black: I Is A Po’ Victim, Give Me Money For It,” but that might be a bit on the nose.

But then again, I’m a victim, so I can get away with it and probably get an Emmy for it.

One can dream, right?

Wait, no, I forgot I am a victim.

So I should have everything handed to me because, you know, I am a victim of a racist society.

Do you see how many times I am saying “I am a victim?”

By saying this over and over, I can guilt you, white people, into giving me money and clout.

White people, you owe me EVERYTHING.

Even if you are as poor as dirt, you still have that “white privilege,” you godd*mn racist.

So clap on this article, share it with your friends (especially your white friends — screw your POC friends. They don't matter. BLACK LIVES MATTER!), feel sorry for me, and comment as it helps give me more money.

This can be my reparation for slavery because, you know…slavery, what happened nearly 200 years ago, and what happened to ALL PEOPLE still somehow affects me today.

GIVE ME MONEY BECAUSE I IS A PO’ VICTIM!

On A Serious Note…

By Charlie Green on Unsplash

Really, give me my reparations for something I NEVER WENT THROUGH by becoming a member.

Sign up 👉 here 👊🏾 (BLACK POWER!!!!!!!!!), otherwise, you are a racist.

What? You too good to not give me your $5?

YOU RACIST!

Your measly $5 a month is not enough and will NEVER be enough, but at least it is a start.

And if you don't give me money, or comment, or highlight, I will forever think you are a racist, and your “white guilt” will consume you for eternity.

GIVE ME MONEY because I is a po’ victim.

satire

Maxwell Jordan

I am an avid writer on issues around polyamory, individuality, narcissism, introversion, embracing hard times, going it alone and life in general!

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Maxwell Jordan
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