Homeland Performance

I must look stunning to get Donald to select me as his running mate. My makeover includes my hair, teeth, outfits, and makeup. I won't wear jeans and cowgirl shirts. It worked as South Dakota governor but won't sit well with Donald. He requires camera-ready, attractive, and photogenic television personalities with bright, shining smiles and beautiful long hair. If he doesn't select me as VP, I'll get a Cabinet position.

The makeover began during Donald's first term. Kristi grew her hair long, creating a visible contrast to her previous hairstyles, either short or layered, emulating the "Rachel" from Friends or the looks of other TV personalities. She changed to long, wavy curls below her shoulders, embodying the hairstyle that women can flip behind their shoulders with a shake of their head or a flick of their hand. Most women in the Mar-a-Lago cult-like group have longer hair, a heavy hand with makeup, and either blonde or dark hair that aspires to be blonde through highlights. Expensive skirts or pantsuits hug tightly to their bodies, all accentuating hips and breasts. The high heels further emphasize their derrieres as they walk. Pouty, Botox-enhanced lips, thick, long, and bushy false lashes, and perfectly lined eyes and brows ensure they shine in front of the camera.

Donald Trump will read in my book that I executed my naughty dog and a goat I owned (it took two shots; I had to get another shotgun shell from my truck when the first one didn't kill him). He will understand I am a tough cookie! We had to do hard things on a farm all the time. I shot three old horses, too. It's just a thing we do on farms; we aren't about paying a veterinarian to sedate them first and then humanely euthanize them. I saved money with my shotgun, I'm the governor now, and I'm tough! Donald should pick me for VP.

I'm going to dress up as a State Trooper and arrest a congressman.

That will be a cool video like my jobs video, where I'm dressed like a nurse. Donald will notice!

The grandbabies are already set for guns – Addie, who is two, has a shotgun, a rifle, and a pony. I can teach her how to shoot the pony if it's naughty – I can't wait to take her to the range!

My teeth were messed up in a biking accident, so I got them fixed at Smile Texas (a Houston company that says it's the "Official Dentist of the Miss Texas USA Pageant)." I wanted people to hear what I say when I give speeches or meet with people in the governor's office without distraction. I could not be happier with the results, so I posted the procedure and my reasons for selecting the dentist I did on my X account. (Some said it was unethical, that I was being an "influencer" - how could they?)

I will wow the crowds; he has a place for me with my central casting persona, brilliant smile, and stern demeanor.

**

I told you! Secretary of Homeland Security! I'm flying to El Salvador to post a video in front of those tattooed criminals we sent back.

Reporter: What proof do you have they were in the gangs?

Noem: That's easy peasy; I don't know why people keep asking that!! They have tattoos. They will never return.

Reporter 1 to Reporter 2: Did you see that Rolex on her arm? What a set-up video. It's all theatrical performance, doing this video in front of shaved head prisoners, trying to send the message she is between them and America.

Copyright © 4/6/2025 by Andrea O. Corwin

Thank you so much for stopping by! 😃 If you liked this piece, please click the ♡, leave a comment, share it, and remember, you can subscribe for free.