Culture Wars 2020

By Dejaye Botkin, LPC

A Divided Nation

During the campaign leading up to Donald Trump’s election victory, I lost many friends along the way. I withdrew from family over my mother’s adoration of Donald Trump and my sister’s alt-right Facebook Posts. Throughout the election process, and after Trump won, I heard Fox News propaganda coming out of both of their mouths – and I was afraid they too, were becoming Trump Zombie-sycophants. Slowly but surely, my estrangement from loved ones grew into a larger circle – my mother, sister, cousin, peers, colleagues, and ultimately, I lost my best 45-year childhood friend. During the 2016 election, my whole world turned upside down. People whom I have known my whole life started becoming tribal. One group sided with Donald Trump, (A.K.A. the deplorables’), and the other side, was against him, (A.K.A nevertrumpers). I started noticing Trump seducing the minds of those in America who admired him for his wealth and also wanted to get rich quick. For those who want to be just like him – he is excellent at selling the fantasy with zero shame. He is the kind of snake oil salesman people talk about when they discuss dirty sales tricks. He made it acceptable to be greedy, selfish, and prejudice about anything and everyone not like him. He glorifies bullying and blackmail as everyday business tactics and allowed the white supremacists, sex addicts, and white-collar criminals to come out of the shadows.

White Privilege

According to a 2020 US News and World Report article, the high school I graduated from in 1988, West Morris Mendham High School, is ranked 42nd within New Jersey. The total minority enrollment is 15%, and 1% of students are economically disadvantaged. I didn’t know it at the time, but I grew up very privileged. I had not been around black kids until I was in college. Ninety percent of my fellow graduating students went onto college in 1988, and many of the ivy league students were second or third generation.

In 1988, my family moved from New Jersey to Texas. The transition was a major culture shock for me. I experienced how the other half lived. Growing up on the east coast, I did not know that racism was an issue anymore, (however, I was also not exposed in my Mendham bubble).

From day one of my freshman year in college, I noticed the fraternities and sororities were segregated. In the cafeteria, the kids were divided by race. I was shocked to see that our country was still living this way. It was like I took a time machine taking me back to the pages of my history books. Somehow in East Texas, it was acceptable to be racist. Confederate flags flew freely. Civil war references represented white pride – “the south will rise again.” On my college campus, I would forever be known as the girl from ‘New Joisy’. To my college peers, New Jersey may have well been on the North Pole.

My second year at East Texas I was voted in as the President of my sorority – Gamma Phi Beta. However, I chose to resign and transfer out after our first rush meeting. During our first meeting of the new pledge year, discussing recruits, one black female student was trying to make a change and pledge our ‘white sorority.’ She was trying to break barriers and integrate our Greek life. I was wide open to the idea but I remember my sorority sister asking me, “so would be okay if she was your roommate? What if she used your hairbrush?” After that conversation, I called my parents and told them I was moving back to Dallas where it was unacceptable so be so vocally racist.

My Roots

I will admit in high school I was not a very good student. I was never motivated to learn about history, science, and math, mostly because my teachers were not interesting or inspiring in any way. No educator explained why these subjects were important to learn, other than to score better on the SAT’s, attend a good college, make a ton of money, and achieve high rankings - which Mendham High School needed for statistical data. From 1984-1988 things were very different in my high school. Being buddy-buddy with the teachers was a popularity contest. Our teachers were somehow allowed to sleep with their 18-year-old senior students and most, (if not all), of the faculty, was white. Our studies were white-washed, meaning we never learned the true history of the genocide of Native Americans and how black slaves built the white house. We never learned that George Washington and many other ‘American Heroes,’ were slave owners. Our history teachers taught us lessons using old videotapes. Unfortunately, due to my lack of interest in anything academic, I was placed in C level classes, which meant the teachers didn’t care about us – and had very little faith in our future. My high school boyfriend, however, was in A level classes – equivalent to AP classes, where the real teaching happened. Most of my C level classes were run by lazy male teachers who were known to hang out at local pubs with their former students and favor the uber-rich families in town. The point being, no one taught us that we were white privileged kids living in one of the most affluent cities in the country. No teacher, coach, or academic advisor ever pointed out our privilege – or taught us to do better-be better. My issue with my high school peers currently is now that we do know better, I feel we should be acting better! Unfortunately, several of my former classmates who still live in the same area voted for Donald Trump with pride. I naively thought it was obvious to college-educated adults that Donald Trump is a corrupt moron. However, I came to find out that greed was the driving force to get him in office – despite his low IQ, EQ, and moral compass, the fact that he promised to cut taxes and overturn everything Obama did in eight years, appeared to be more enticing for his voters than integrity. My peers were able to overlook his racism, sexual predatory behaviors, and white-collar crimes because he promised to keep them rich! B

Both of my parents were raised in southern states. My dad has lived in Missouri and Texas, and my mother is from Oklahoma. Both of my parents despised the north, however, we moved to New Jersey from Colorado when I was in the fourth grade, for my father’s job with AT&T. Looking back, our east coast neighbors were probably horrified by my parent’s frequent adoration of the civil war and its history. I was embarrassed when my friends came over because my parents listened to country music, displayed hunting rifles and a peacock head on the wall, and served boxed wine during dinner parties. They would hang the confederate flag outside of our house during the Fourth of July and insisted it was cultural - not racist. Even though I didn’t pay much attention in my history class in high school, I still knew the confederate flag is offensive regardless of my parents trying to convince me otherwise. Once I completed cultural studies in college, I learned the truth about white-washing history and that many people changed or suppressed facts about how hateful and greedy our American ancestors’ behavior truly was. Displaying confederate flags and civil war statues may not be meant as an expression of hatred for most southerners, most likely, it is an expression of ignorance. (For those who know better it is because they choose to be a white supremacist). Unfortunately, I could not convince my parents of the truth, so after I left home and moved back to the east coast, I knew that if there ever was a second civil war, my parents and I would be fighting on opposing sides.

We Need to Do Better

I am writing this opinion because I am physically and mentally distressed over what is happening in our country. I am flabbergasted that people choose to ignore Trump’s disgusting behaviors. While I have not personally treated Donald Trump for narcissism, he makes it obvious that he lacks empathy and remorse, which are the two biggest traits of a narcissistic sociopath. Trump is very ego-driven and he exhibits grandiose thinking and problems with impulse control, criteria for mania. After reading Johnathan Karl’s book, Front Row at the Trump Show, he wrote that many great leaders from the past have been mentally ill or on the edge of sanity, which may be needed for stamina. While I agree that a President must have a strong ego and a ton of energy, how can you truly lead people if you do not have empathy and compassion? The result is what we see in the news when we watch Donald Trump speak, he is a cavalier, ego-driven man much more concerned about his popularity than our country.

ME TOO

During the Me-Too movement, I wanted to speak out about my own experiences with sexual harassment and sexual assault. As a psychotherapist, I often treat clients who are working on their recovery from sexual abuse-related trauma. One in three people are victims of sexual abuse of some kind. During the peak of the movement, I wrote articles but never published them for fear of being too exposed. I know from teaching forensic science and criminal justice, as well as working with police, that females who come forward often end up feeling humiliated during the process. Now with the Black Lives Matter movement, I cannot be silent anymore about my social justice concerns.

The Blue Wall of Silence

When I first graduated from college in Texas, I moved to Jersey City, New Jersey, to be with my fiancée. I graduated cum laude with a Bachelor of Science in Criminal Justice. If I would have stayed in Texas, I would have become a probation officer because I was already doing an internship with the Denton County Police and Denton County Juvenile Detention Center near Dallas. I knew from a very young age that I wanted to help people. I considered teaching and social work as my majors. However, moving to New Jersey, it didn’t appear I had many options and I had no one to guide or coach me. My dad only pushed business classes on me, which I despised.

After graduation and moving back to the east coast, I started looking in the help wanted section of the newspaper and saw an opening for a police officer in Lyndhurst, New Jersey. Since I didn’t have any business connections in New Jersey, and my degree was in Criminal Justice, I thought what the heck, I will interview with the police. (I didn’t want to be a cop but I needed a job). The interview experience was horrifying. Since I had already left my sorority in Texas for overt racist behaviors, I was not about to tolerate that anywhere else. At the time, I remember being interviewed by two male cops. I was told I would be the first female cop on the force if I was to be hired. They asked me straight up, “how do you feel about other cultures and using slang or stereotypes?” Would you be okay if you hear “dot head” referred to Asian Indians? I paused and responded with a yes out loud, but inside I was feeling intimidated. I could not believe they were asking me to tolerate racist jargon in the interview process! They also told me how hard boot camp is and suggested I didn’t have the right build for the hard work out it would be on my body. Ultimately, they passed on me for the job but I was never going to accept anyway.

Years later I did become employed with a police department but not as an officer, instead, I was employed as a youth crisis counselor. My job was to respond to families in crisis and triage their needs – the follow up with services for those specific needs. During my tenure at the police department, I witnessed many unsavory acts but I knew better than to break the blue wall of silence. If anyone provided details on questionable behaviors they would be relentlessly bullied and iced out of the community. Because police departments have so much stake in their communities if you burn a bridge with them – the rest of the town will shun you. It was never worth it to me to burn bridges because I was still working my way into my career.

Defund the Police

When I hear about defunding the police on the news, I support the cause for reallocating funds to professionals other than cops. I know that we will always need patrol officers for traffic tickets and petty crimes. We will always need detectives for homicide investigations and rape cases. However, we need more females and survivors of crime on the teams. I am confident that we should remove all deadly force and have social workers involved with populations who are disenfranchised. We need to be protected by people who care – not someone excited about carrying a gun and making six figures intimidating people.

Before I left New Jersey, a client in my private practice who was on probation for drug possession, admitted to me that she can “blow,” the local cops to avoid getting her probation officer called for having drugs in her car.

In the movie - The Joker, the main character, Arthur Fleck, explains to Murry Franklin (played by Robert De Niro), that society made him into a joke. In paraphrasing the scene, (before he shoots Murry in the head), the Joker explains, “A society full of hate, coupled with the reduction of mental health services, created the monster inside me.”

We do not have enough social justice programs to help our disenfranchised populations. Many that did exist in the past have been defunded by republicans who consider the programs to be welfare related. I have tweeted directly to the Obamas, and Kanye West, about doing more for the South Side of Chicago, but no one listens to me because I am not a politician or celebrity.

If social work programs are not given enough money, and therefore towns crumble overrun by gangs and dirty cops, then how can we expect our inner-city youth to do any better?

A little over one year ago, when I was working in downtown Phoenix and my job was to recruit kids from the juvenile detention center into a residential treatment center, one youth told me that his mother beats him if he comes home with an empty backpack after school. He said his mother expects him to shoplift as a way of helping out the family. He said his mother said that if he steals, he will only get ‘juvey,’ but if she steals, she will go to prison – so it’s the lesser of the two evils. So many people who judge teens for shoplifting and petty crimes, don’t understand that it’s a way to feed their family, a way to survive. Privileged youth steal for the thrill, underprivileged youth steal to survive.

In the movie Precious, based on the true novel, Push, by Sapphire, the character (nicknamed Precious), is not only raped by her father regularly, but her mother punishes Precious for feeling jealous of the attention she is getting from her father – (even though the mother knows it is rape). In the movie, after Precious commits to pursuing her education, her mother tells her to let go and use the welfare system, implying it is the only way to survive because she is “Too dumb for an education.” I have used this movie in my social work and psychology classes at Centenary University to show how many people who live within the system do not believe there is a way out. Even when Precious was pursuing her way out against all odds, she was presented with traumatic and debilitating obstacles again and again. I tried to explain to my college students that many people are judged for how they behave, but it is important to refrain from judgment because there is so much more that is unseen.

The police officer, Detective S., whom I worked with directly made over six figures a year in 2003. Imagine what their salaries are in 2020! If we decreased police department salaries and built more youth centers and social service programs in every community, giving all school children laptops, access to Wi-Fi, and food credit – along with college scholarships, we could bring about so much positive change! Additionally, I believe we need to remove deadly weapons from police officers. Why can’t we use tranquilizer guns or non-fatal bullets to stop criminals – why do the weapons have to be deadly? I understand police officers want to guarantee their safety on the job, but there are too many mistakes made with real bullets. The risk of killing someone is too great. Cops know they have immunity from prosecution so they take risks others would never dream of doing.

My Solution

To make the highest salary as a social worker, or in my case a counselor, in the United States, you must have a minimum of a master’s degree. Medicare only pays for social workers, not licensed counselors, (like me). This limits our ability to help those in need but academically and financially. Even though I have been out of graduate school for fifteen years, I still have 10k worth of graduate school loans to pay back and I have never been able to earn more than $50,000 in full-time social work/counseling positions. We must restructure outreach workers from all levels of education. Our communities cannot wait for students to earn a graduate education. High School graduate students 18 years old and older can start contributing back to their communities right away and then earn a degree while already working in the field.

Past Programs

I have founded multiple programs in the past for at-risk youth. I am very familiar with grant writing and what services are needed in our high-risk communities.

The first program I founded for at-risk youth was called the Juvenile Accountability and Leadership Program. As a youth crisis counselor employed by a police department, I was responsible for attending Juvenile Justice Commission meetings in Trenton, New Jersey. Through those meetings, I heard about a grant for at-risk youth that would focus on their rehabilitation and decrease detention recidivism numbers. My theory was to recruit at-risk youth and place them in leadership roles, (instead of reminding them of their faults – focus on their strengths!). The majority of at-risk youth struggle with low self-esteem and very limited opportunities to do better, coupled with their leadership not showing faith in their futures. In my program, they were hand-picked, specifically because they were known trouble makers and then personally offered an opportunity to do better. The camp was held during the summer months and the mornings consisted of required attendance at psychoeducational classes based on my curriculum. We had guest speakers come from all over the state to speak to our youth about making positive changes while they are still young – before they enter into the adult justice system and it’s on the record. The second half of the day was split between recreational rewards and community service. It was beautiful to see the ‘troubled’ kids working with preschool disenfranchised children and seniors. They were allowed to show their softer side as mentors to other humans who did not judge them.

The program started to get a name for itself and over the three years of my tenure at the Parsippany Police Department. School principals were staring to require some of their teens to attend my program as an incentive for promotion to the next school year. To this day, the program continues to flourish, and it is my greatest legacy.

The second program I founded was called Sparta Teen Talk. The organization was similar but the clients were teens who were struggling with mental health challenges versus delinquency. The group structure focused on psychoeducation and skill-building using a variety of treatment modalities. The program also flourished and I passed it along to one of my interns to took over as manager and then owner.

Both programs provided internship opportunities for teens who needed community service as well as interns working on their degrees. The opportunities gave the interns front line experience working with teens from different demographics with different needs. I created the training for my leadership teens and none required a degree to become involved. I found that students’ pre-degree are more eager to jump in and get involved because they have no expectations of what they should be paid and they know the experience will light up their resume!

While I am so proud to brag about these accomplishments, they are just a drop in the bucket for what can be done for disadvantaged youth.

As a pay-it-forward project, I am happy to write a curriculum for mentorship certification to expand these types of programs in high crime areas. If you read my proposal below, you will see how easily these types of programs can be rolled out with grant sponsorship.

Proposal for Future Programming

• Levels of Mentors/Leadership Team

o High School graduate students can become level one mentors and earn $15.00 an hour

o College Graduates could become level two mentors and earn $30.00 an hour (with college degree paid for in scholarship).

o Master’s+ level graduates could become level three (Executive) mentors and earn starting salaries of 80k/year (with tuition reimbursement).

Over the past twenty years, I enlisted teens to work in leadership roles. In addition, I find that young adults who are disenfranchised care more about their communities because they have a personal stake in where they live, and they know the ins/outs of the communities. Their perspective is fresh because they grew up in the city and are protective of who and what they know. If these teens overcome their environmental challenges and move onto college, they often lose their devotion to their low-income cities of origin. College graduates move around the country seeking better opportunities for advancement and better pay. It is not appealing to return to a city that is falling apart, plagued with crime, overcrowding, and limited resources for growth.

My proposal encourages those same youth to return to their disenfranchised cities on purpose – to research and develop solutions for overcoming the obstacles keeping the city marginalized, instead of running away from it.

The job description for a mentor (Level One, Two, Three):

After completing an intensive mentorship certification program, the newly hired mentor (age 18 and above), will return to the front lines of their disenfranchised community. The mentor will triage the needs of the community: schools, public areas, employment opportunities, housing, healthcare, transportation, criminal justice programs, etc. The mentor will meet with long term residents of the community to assess how they perceive their neighborhood challenges. The mentor will gather data on the deficits and present to the Mayor or City Council to request funding and grants for the projects they recommend, offering solution-focused approaches to growth and development for the people and the community at large. The senior-level mentor will establish teams to manage projects roll out recovery programs. The higher the level of the mentor, the higher the expectation for deliverables, compensation, and hours of service.

The goal is to let the locals be their own advocates – become the heroes of their own communities. Instead of corrupt and often privileged politicians making decisions on what is best for local communities, let the people who live there decide. Town halls and community organizations are supposed to be doing this, but unfortunately, those involved are only motivated for career advancement or future in politics. If we could start employing high school graduates, (and not make them wait to graduate college), we could get more work done with a fresh perspective.

Certification Curriculum

I would be happy to develop a community mentor certification program with a curriculum that involves the following topics:

• History of the United States

• History of genocide

• History of slavery

• History of women

• History of religion

• Understanding immigration and cultural diversity

• Understanding diversity-related economics

• Understanding trauma-informed care

• Psychological first aid

• Introduction to mental illness

• Understanding the mental health care system in the US

• Understanding the health care system in the US

• Understanding how politics impact communities

• Understanding community budgets

• Understanding how communities vary with crime, education, and access to services

Thank you,

Dejaye Botkin, MA, LPC, NCC, DBTC, CTP, CTP