Blue Steal

The setting: The living room of a typical McMansion. Large, plush leather couches. Large TV mounted to the wall. Expensive yet unimpressive looking interior decorations. A father in his late 60s and son in his early 30s, sit and watch the results come in from the Georgia run-off on Fox News.

SON:

It’s happening, dad. They’re stealing Georgia, AGAIN.

FATHER:

This is crazy. They’re just pissing all over the Republic. How are they doing this?

SON:

Well, President Trump said they just magically find ballots because they wait to see how many they’re behi..

FATHER:

:Interrupting: No, I know all that, Dave. But how?

SON:

Oh, like how, how?

FATHER:

Exactly, I need to understand. In this day and age, with everything on the internet and everyone having one of those smart phones, why don’t we know more?

SON:

I think…

FATHER:

:Interrupting: I mean, with their bullshit Russia hoax, they had some pictures and even some of our people told lies to make President Trump look bad. Where are the rats? Rudy broke mobsters, why can’t he break these people?

SON:

Yeah, I would have expected Infowars to have the smoking gun. Maybe Alex is waiting for the right moment?

FATHER:

Fuck that. The moment is now. So what do we know, right now?

SON:

:Picking up phone and starting to search for evidence: Mhm.

So first, Trump was leading by all these votes, then we went to bed and Georgia “found” ballots. Like a progressive idiot like Biden could win in Georgia of all places? No way that was legit. Georgia hasn’t voted blue since 1992, and Bush Sr. only lost the state because of Perot. Fat-ass, pedo Bill only received 43% of the votes.

FATHER:

Exactly, but how did they do it? It’s a red state, it’s the goddamn heart of the south. What would it take to steal that state from Trump? Did they just plant one secret agent in a single county? That doesn’t sound too hard. But they did a recount right?

SON:

Yeah, Wikipedia says the Secretary of State, Brad Rafsomething, called for a recount on the 6th. And then the voting manager said they didn’t find any widespread irregularities. But shit, they’re both Republicans. Man, they must be deep state.

FATHER:

That’s the only thing that makes sense. But then how come Trump couldn’t have the federal courts overturn it? I remember seeing Hannity talk about how they were suing all these people.

SON:

But like, I’m reading about Arizona now. We’re supposed to believe they flipped? Bullshit! Trump gets 400k more votes than he did in 2016, and loses?!?

FATHER:

:looking over the screen of his laptop: Yeah, we know all of this. It’s the how I just don’t understand. Like how did we lose 50whatever court cases, in mostly Republican states and some even in federal court with judges Trump appointed! Are they all deep state? Trump wouldn’t have appointed them! For heaven’s sake, even the Supreme Court refused to hear Trump’s case, and six of the nine are Conservative judges. Hell, Trump handpicked three!

SON:

That’s super fucked up, dad. Where’s their damn loyalty?!

FATHER:

And then what did Barr do? He sat on his sausage hands. Then said some bullshit like, “we have not seen enough fraud to sway the election.” He wouldn’t even appoint a Special Counsel. While Rudy is running around with his hair color dripping down his face, and he’s finding all this evidence with his hand is stuffed down his pants. So Barr is “deep state” too. My god, how can we even tell where the swamp begins?

SON:

:slams phone down: This is crazy! Trump had to fire the head of Cybersecurity, after that clown said it was the “most secure in American history.” Sonuvabitch only had that job because Trump was smart enough to create the position and picked Krebs himself.

FATHER:

:taking off glasses and looking up: So Biden got to all of these people? All these judges and Governors and State Attorney Generals? No way. He’s a damn idiot who can’t speak without a teleprompter thingy. But that’s the only thing that makes sense. Maybe the idiot thing is all an act?

SON:

Right dad, like he’s some kind of mastermind. There’s no way it was him. Maybe Soros. I’m sure Infowars will figure it out. Or maybe Hannity.

FATHER:

But even if Soros was behind it, Biden was in on it. As were a few hundred others. But why hasn’t anyone come forward? Did every co-conspirator they approached go along with the plan? Even Barr?! I thought he was a man of honor.

SON:

We must be missing something. No way these socialists were smart enough to pull this off. Like, they’d have to be evil geniuses to such an extent that we should almost respect them for it. I mean, shit, what else is there to do?

Fade to Black