A Grey Woman In A Black And White World

We live in such a black-and-white world. A world where we are split right down the middle. A World where seeing and trying to understand both sides is almost criminal. Sharing your views is frowned upon. If you don’t see things in all white or all black, if you don’t fit into one mold, you’re an outsider. You’re not meant to be heard and you will be shut up.

Why is it, that seeing in Grey is so wrong to the world? I think it’s because it’s a little intimidating. No one wants to be told they’re wrong. No one wants their boat rocked. No one wants to see a new side because it means they have to become vulnerable. No one likes vulnerability. It’s a scary thought. It’s scary to think that everything you thought you knew, was all a lie. I understand that. But that doesn’t mean that I will Conform. I will never see in only black or only white. To me, everything is grey. I believe there is some truth in every view. In every way of thinking. And I think that a truth we would find in a “black” mindset may hold some truth in a “white” mindset and vice versa. When we mix our black-and-white thinking, we get a beautiful shade of gray. A little bit of truth from both sides.

Being a Grey woman in a black and white world makes me an outcast. But to me, that isn’t a bad thing. Honestly, I take pride in it sometimes. It’s not something I’ll ever be ashamed of. A lot of times, people have a hard time understanding why I am so Grey. I guess it’s hard to understand why I can’t see the world in black or white.

I’m a Grey woman in a black and white world because I care deeply for people. From both sides, I want to hold everyone accountable. I want to show that it’s OK to stick up for the little guy. It’s OK to respectfully call out the faults on both sides. It’s OK to see a truth from one side and show how it can help the other.

I’m a Grey Woman in a black and white world because my daughters depend on me. I owe it to them to try and understand both sides. I owe it to them to help be the change this world needs.

It’s bad enough that my daughters have to grow up in a world where they will never be fully excepted for who they are. I refuse to teach them or let them believe that only part of who they are is important. They will grow up learning their history. American history. All of it. They will learn about the hardship of both sides of who they are. They will learn that all of who they are is important. They will not be taught to disrespect those in authority, no matter what the person looks like. They will not be taught that one part of who they are is more important than anyone else. They will be raised with respect, wisdom and dignity. They will learn about what happens when someone feels oppressed, but doesn’t handle it the right way. They will learn about the events that have happened these past two years, but will also be taught what was wrong and what was right about how it was handled. I Will teach my daughters that they don’t need to be excepted by the world. I will teach them that it’s OK to be the outsider. I will teach them to stand up for what they believe, but to be gentle and respectful about it. My daughters are not mixed with the devil. My daughters are beautiful. My daughters will be wise and they will be strong. My daughters are white. My daughters are black.

They are not one or the other. They are equally both and perfect just how they are.

I am a Grey woman in a black and white world with two beautiful biracial babies who are seen as “mixed with the devil” from both sides. It’s because of my beautiful daughters and my beautifully mixed families that I want to share my views. My thought process. My reasons for embracing my titles of Outcast, Misfit, Outsider.

I don’t want to speak for you (fellow African-Americans) but when I look in the mirror I certainly don’t see black.

Tar, is black. A tire, is black....My skin however, is Brown. When I look at members of my family and my Best Friend, I don’t see white. Paper, is white.

If you take the color brown and keep lightening it, you’ll get to their shade of BROWN. But if you want to take the color black, and lighten it up, it will eventually become grey.....it is not possible to take the actual color black or white and make it match their skin tone or ours....

All of us, “black” and “white” people, are ALL shades of brown.

Someone asked me a while ago, why I didn’t support “black” people fighting for their rights. My answer is simple. I support everyone fighting for the rights as long as it is done respectfully and without criminal activity. The second it becomes criminal, loose my support and you loose my sympathy.

Is what is going on in our country criminal activity, no matter why and how it started?

Well, I don’t know your definition of Criminal activity. But last time I checked, murdering cops or anyone else and taking stuff from stores (without paying) and homes is criminal activity.

There’s so much argument about if protests and riots should be happening. I guess it just depends on where your heart is. Because, like it or not, both are going to be very memorable and change the country either for the best for the absolute worst.

Neither a peaceful protest or a riot is effective???

They are both VERY effective in their own ways.

A peaceful Protest?

Take a minute to really think about where we would be without all of the peaceful protests that have gone on in the past. What would your life be like right now, if there hadn’t been peaceful protests?

A Riot?

Still very effective In the sense that it is doing exactly what it’s meant to do. It’s Encouraging the fear, Encouraging the racial tension and Encouraging the hatred and mistreatment of law-enforcement and lighter brown “white” people.

Have we stopped to consider, that if black men and women wanted to feel safe and feel equal to other people, that maybe it should start with us in obeying the law? Yes, I realize that there are some corrupt people in law enforcement. However, that does not mean, that we make every single man and woman on the force suffer for what one idiot did. Think about what it must be like for them. They took an oath to protect and serve. That oath, now means, that they now have to protect and serve against their own. These men and women took an oath to protect and serve, even when that means leaving their families, knowing that they may not come home again. Can you imagine how that must be for them?

As African-American men and women, how on earth does it help fix the issue by starting riots, attacking police and breaking the law? If you don’t want to be treated like a thug, stop acting like a thug. What I don’t understand is, why you’re running from cops and being antagonistic.

Let’s say that we knew with all certainty, that every “white” police officer on the face of the earth was racist. Where does it make sense that you would intentionally antagonize someone you knew, hated you? Someone you knew with all certainty, needed only one reason to kill you. This person has a deadly weapon pointed at you. Why are you antagonizing the situation? Shouldn’t you want to stay calm and try to understand what the problem is and try to fix the problem. If you knew they needed only one reason to kill you, why are you giving them that reason?

Don’t get me wrong, I fully believe there are some racist cops on the force that misuse their power. I have heard absolute horror stories about what can happen. I have watched the videos. However, does this make it OK for us to teach our black children to run from cops? To antagonize an already stressful situation? To completely miss behave in the face of opposition? No. This is when we should be even more adamant in teaching them how to endure, be respectful and use wisdom in stressful and sometimes racist scenarios.

Yes, there are racist people out there. I believe there may always be some form of racism in this world. How we deal with it though, is what matters. How we raise our children, is what matters. How we treat others, is what matters. Just because someone says something utterly racist to you or treated you like garbage, does not mean that you need to antagonize and cause more trouble. It will say a lot about your character if you just walk away from the situation. Why is it so hard to be the bigger person? Why is it so hard to walk away?

Stop giving the wrong people reasons to question your character. This really, is a huge issue in itself. Everyone wants to say that their character is being attacked. Your manhood is under attacked. Who you are as a black man or woman is being attacked. In order to change these issues, and assumptions, the change needs to start with us. We need to be who we want the world to see us as. Again, You can’t act like a thug and then be surprised that someone is treating you like a thug.

Yes, African-American lives do matter. But they are no more important than the lives that we trample in order to make our voices heard.

Black lives matter. Of course they do. No one ever said that they didn’t. But if they matter so much to the black community, that you’re going to riot over the death of one, you shouldn’t only riot about the ones that died at the hands of a white man. If a black life ending was cause for a riot, the riots would never stop. We would be rioting over any black life taken by murder. Which means, that when a black man murders another black man, we would riot. We would March, we would make shirts, we would do everything we possibly could, to avenge that death. But are we? No. We’re glorifying and bringing attention to only the deaths that match our agenda, while leaving out major details of the event and being too stubborn and ignorant to get all of the facts of the case. We’re feeding into racism. We’re making it worse. We are the biggest cause for it not going away. If we want the world to believe that black lives are as important as any other life, it needs to start with us. We need to respect each other like we would respect anyone else. We need to treat each other how we want the world to treat us.

We need to be on the front lines teaching our families, working in our communities and holding each other accountable for our actions.

Until we stop killing, raping and kidnapping each other, we can’t expect anyone to treat us any better.

Every “white” person isn’t to blame. Every “white” person shouldn’t have to be tortured with the stupidity and hatred of what’s coming out of the mouths of some African-Americans.

Have you stopped to think, that a “white” person could be hurting just as badly as someone with darker skin? Maybe a “white” mother who has adopted darker sons, has to fear for their lives every day and is hurting, just like you! Or a “white” husband has to fear for his wife and mixed daughters? They may not have to fear for their own lives in the same way we do sometimes, but as a parent, the fear for their child is just as real....

But wait. Let’s go back to them not having to fear for their lives the same way we do. Have we stopped to consider that maybe they do fear? Simply because they have an African-American child or an African-American spouse? And in the eyes of these Rioters, that relationship alone, could put a target on their back???? Who knows what would happen to them, simply for trying to protect their families? It has become very evident that during the course of all of these riots, the black lives matter movement has become so important to the African-American community that they want black lives to matter so much that other lives aren’t as important. But then when you stop and think, wasn’t that the issue in the first place? We didn’t feel that our “people” were as important as anyone else, therefore we had to start an entire movement. But now that movement is doing exactly to other people what was being done to us.

African Americans are just as racist and disrespectful as anyone else. It’s getting out of hand.

It makes me SO DAMN SICK to see how many African-American men and women are supporting what’s going on and supporting the verbal hatred towards LIGHT BROWN “white” people. This is a two-way street.

The things I have been told throughout the years, from both sides, are absolutely disappointing, and hurtful, but it just goes to show how badly Both sides need to change their mindset.

Wow, you sound White.” (Educated)

-A black woman said this.

“You’re pretty. For a black girl”

-Words from a white man

“Don’t straighten your hair, you’ll look like a white girl.”

- A black woman said this.

“ How dare you willingly put the devil in your babies?!”

-A white and black woman have said this about my children

“Don’t tell anyone, or I’ll kill you.”

-Whispered in my ear from both, black men, and white men.

“I can do what I want, the cops don’t care about you, you’re black”

This! This is why. These are the reasons why I will never choose just “white” or “black”.

I have heard hateful, racist things from BOTH SIDES.

Yes, I am holding African-Americans more accountable than “whites.”

Holding them accountable because here we are, fighting for rights, but abusing the ones that we already have. ABUSING the chances we have, to be heard The RIGHT WAY.

YES, there are hateful “white” people out there that abuse their rights in order to harm African Americans. I understand that. And believe me, I have witnessed it. I have experienced it first hand. That does not mean that I will willing hate and blame every “White” man or woman I meet. No.

Again, I know there are racist “white” people on this planet.

But you know what? There are some pretty racist “black” people on this earth too. And quite frankly, I have found that “black” people are a lot more racist than anyone else.

Please, before asking me why I can’t just choose one side, think about my Children. Think about my Family on BOTH SIDES. I have a BEAUTIFUL mix of all shades of brown in my family. So yes, I will continue to fight for and hold accountable BOTH sides. I will never choose just “White” or “Black”

I may stand alone. People may never fully understand the way that I think. I may forever be an outcast, but I will never conform and I will never regret it.

If you want to see change. Be the damn change.

I will always be a Grey woman in a black and white world and I’m OK with that.