Protect and Serve

I laid there under my blanket in my batman pajamas watching the Walking Dead, my wife had gone to bed and John had come over to watch the new episode because “his internet was out.” He moved to sit closer to me, lightly joking, before I knew it he was laying behind me. Anxiety began to wind it’s gnarly hands around me and I was frozen, what was he does? Why can’t I move? He began to move his hands around my body and kissed my neck. I wanted to vomit, say no, do anything… but I couldn’t seem to move. He put his hands down my pants and started rubbing my clit… I managed to squeak out “Stop, this isn’t right.” He didn’t. As his fingers went inside me, I was shocked back to life. I jumped up and ran into my bedroom where my sleeping wife lay and locked the door. Ashamed, I laid next to her that night, watching her sleep. Not knowing what to say or how to say it. This was my fault.

The following days at work were panic stricken. I couldn’t look at him in the eyes, but it seemed that every time I looked around, he was standing near by watching me. I overheard him talking to an officer about how wonderful I was and that I should receive the Early Promote award in evaluations. Was he trying to pay for my silence?

A conversation that one of my Lieutenants had with my shops First Class Petty Officer rang in my ears. A well-respected Second Class female had recently reported her rape through the SAPR system that promises to protect the service members that came forward. The Lieutenant sat there saying,

“This girl is nuts, she’s not even attractive, why would anyone believe her lies?”

I was just an Airman and a lesbian at that. Who would believe me?

I swallowed it, held it in. How could I report when there was no real evidence and I willingly let him into my apartment and developed a friendship with my direct supervisor, an offence that I could get masted for fraternization.

Months went on and I began to dissociate, I began to forget who I was and would randomly surface not knowing where I was or how I got there. My marriage was failing, and I couldn’t reconnect with reality. We both escaped by developing what started as platonic relationships with other people, till that friendship helped me feel something for the first time in months and I kissed the girl.

I told my wife about the kiss and the sexual assault, hoping that she might forgive me for the mistakes I had made. She didn’t, she left, and I tried to kill myself. Thankfully I survived, but I was still too scared to report to my command. So, I held it in.

Months went by.

One day in the smoke pit a female First Class Petty Office asked if I wanted to join one of the commands clubs, one that I knew John was a member of. I responded in such a way that shocked even myself,

“No thanks, the guy that sexually assaulted me is in that group.”

… She stared back… not sure if I was being serious. She walked away but came back later saying if I was serious that I could talk to her and report it.

That night I got drunk, told my best friend, then mustered the courage to call the First Class and finally free myself… or so I thought. Reporting to SAPR was supposed to be safe, they’re supposed to protect the victim but it’s all a PR lie to make the Navy appear to be squelching its rape and sexual assault pandemic.

Rape culture is alive and well in the United States military.

What ensued was more psychologically damaged than the assault itself because it was something I had to live with day in and day out with no rejoice for three years. I refused to be the one to move commands and start over, because why should the victim be the one to uproot their lives and lose the only support system they had? This refusal to transfer commands lead Commander Behr to say, “Well then I don’t believe that this actually happened.” Leading to a complete lack of support or protection. The more I spoke against it and asked for mental health treatment the worse it got.

“You need to just get over this.”

“You’re just making this up to get out of work.”

“Look at you. You’re a dyke with short hair, why would a guy even try to touch you?”

He continued to get promoted, be placed in charge of more junior sailors where I saw him following the same pattern of befriending them (one even told me that he was sending her inappropriate pictures and trying to orchestrate events that would get him alone with her) and given all sorts of rewards and opportunities. I got shoved to the side and had my career completely derailed until I took the "out" that was given to me. The case was dropped by NCIS and he continues to walk free.

Unfortunately, this is not an uncommon occurrence in the military. While I was placed in a command designed for people that are getting medically separated, I met at least 100 other women and men that had been raped or sexually assaulted. Almost always by a higher-ranking person that was protected when they were reported against.

• 1 in 4 women and 1 in 3 men are assaulted during their time in service

• 13% of the rapists that were reported were prosecuted, only 4% were actually convicted. (The one conviction that I saw, the victim was promised that he would be discharged from the Navy in exchange for her not pursuing anything in civilian court. She was separated before he was and last I heard they were repealing the conviction to keep him in the Navy. This was not his first offense either.)

• 81% of victims do not report

• Nearly 60% experience retaliation (Something that supposedly has protections in place but is often ignored or laughed at.)

• 1 in 3 victims did not report out of fear of retaliation (During my experience, several other victims came to me saying they would not report because they saw how I was treated.)

Most people are uncomfortable with this conversation, but it is a conversation that needs to be had to promote real change. The cycle will continue as these rapists are protected and promoted through the ranks. The cycle will never end if commands are continued to be allowed to protect rapists. A basic solution to this issue is to take the entire prosecution process out of the military’s hands. It does not make sense for NCIS to oversee the investigation, nor does it make any sense for the Chain of Command to have any part in the process. These rapists need to be tried and prosecuted in civilian courts and retaliation needs to be taken seriously. No more slaps on the wrist, put them in prison and demote those that retaliate against victims.

It’s time for a real change.

Statistics:

https://www.protectourdefenders.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/02/1.-MSA-Fact-Sheet-180209.pdf