Out in the Military

When I originally wrote Homefront, I didn't consider other points of view when it came to others in the LGBT community serving in the military. I did take some of my experiences even though I did overdramatize them. I'm needed something more than the ongoing plotline and character development.

Part of the reason why I chose a military vet with PTSD in Homefront was when it came to other gay romance stories. Military members are seen as sex objects or a fetish, if you will. While this isn't necessarily bad, and I don't shame anyone for thinking that. Because I mean, don't get me wrong, but who doesn't like a man in uniform or out of uniform for that matter. Usually, though, they are portrayed as some alpha male, which annoys the hell out of me.

While I know this isn't 100% across-the-board when it comes to gay romance and military characters, the ones I have read left a sour taste in my mouth. It also made me wonder what it means to be military and LGBT for those who have served before, during, and after Don't Ask Don't Tell. I have my own experiences to go off, but it doesn't run the gamut of all the experiences out there. Others have served or are serving in the US Armed Forces who need their voices heard.

I decided to write some blog posts to talk about those servicemembers. These blog posts were supposed to be written for an easy read and to talk about my upcoming novella, Homefront. The idea was marketing plain and simple. It has become almost a part of my journey. A reflection of who I was when I served compared to now as a civilian.

Expanding these to be more than marketing material, but something concrete that people outside of the military need hear the military voices themselves. I didn't want a regular post but an article for someone to read—one with substance.

I have friends who are either a veteran or are currently military. Many are also part of the LGBT community. I've decided to take it on myself to interview each one to get an idea of their experiences. I felt this would give people a new way to look at the military. By the end of this blog series, I hope that they'll be able to look at the military and the LGBT community a lot differently.

My main hope is to show that patriotism isn't as clear-cut as so many people think. Not everyone serves for the same reasons that Hollywood makes you think they do. I ask that you throw everything you have ever learned and have come to feel about patriotism out the fucking door. Because Hollywood, Netflix, Amazon, or any of the others have no clue what it means to be LGBT and in the military. Patriotism comes in a broad spectrum of colors. It's not black and white, nor is it gay or straight.

The Interview

Before I get into the information that I got in the interview, I need to let you know that I will not reveal the person I talked to. They did request this, and I wasn't going to disclose this information anyway due to the military's nature. Yeah, we do have free speech while in uniform, but we have to be more responsible. It's not a free-for-all, and we're held to a different standard while in uniform. If you don't already know, when you're on active duty or in the military in any form, whether guard or reserve, you're always in uniform. You don't necessarily have to be wearing it.

For some people joining the military isn't necessarily a form of pride or patriotism but a need for stability and job security. You can't just quit your job after you enlist, and you don't, but just get fired that easily either. It doesn't matter what branch you join; many see the military as a place that will allow them to get their shit together. It would give people a lot of direction, especially if you didn't have much, to begin with as a civilian. This stability and security that you get with the military do come with a price. I mean, wearing the uniform isn't easy as there are many rules in the UCMJ.

Being part of the LGBT community and enlisting has another set of problems that need to be considered. This is conservatism. The military has conservative roots. If you were to look back in history, it's all there. Look on the news today, and you're still going to see it. However, today it's going to be more hyperpatriotic in its mindset, and it does come with its own set of "traditional values."

Due to this, some in the military have freaked out a bit about LGBT service members serving alongside them. Many still deal with discrimination. Even though Don't-Ask-Don't-Tell has been repealed, LGBT members can serve openly, but they're still many members that are still getting shit on due to their sexuality. This has caused a lot of trust issues on both sides of the spectrum. It's led many LGBT service members to be more on guard and hyper-focused while doing their jobs as they are looked at differently from their chain of command. This includes those they serve with side by side.

While many say that being LGBT in the military is not a big deal, there are those in the military who'll say nothing has changed. There's still the chance of someone who is gay getting more negative attention. That being said, it's also dependent on where a member is stationed. When I interviewed a friend for this article, I was told that everyone was much more open when he served overseas and honestly didn't care about an individual's sexuality. All they cared about was getting the job done and finally getting back to the States. On the other hand, he also told me that serving stateside has proven to be considerably different. Some of the bases here are a little more toxic when it comes down to how gay military members are treated.

There is, however, a light at the end of the tunnel. Sounds cliché, I know, but let's face it, we all need to see this light. This is especially true for those in the military or the next generation of LGBT kids who want to serve. Being LGBT in the military has opened doors for those queer incoming service members. Current LGBT service members can help overshadow these old ideals. Many people are blind to the issues that LGBT members have to deal with while serving their country.

This is especially important since DADT has been repealed. There has been no negative impact when it comes to the support and success of the mission. This is important to note; however, there is a lot of transphobia in the military. The only thing that has affected the mission is queerphobia in general. Those service members are willing to disrupt the mission. Solely because they don't like or don't want to serve with another service member who may be gay, lesbian, bisexual, or even transgender.

For those who support the military, which I'm glad you do, this support helps those who want to join the military down the road. Remember that these phobias do not dominate the military in general but are only small pockets of fuckery that, unfortunately, will be there no matter what we do. Unfortunately, many people are opposed to opening their minds or even educating themselves to other things.

The friend that I spoke to about this is who I'm basing this article on. He has currently served six and a half years in the military. When I first met him, I would have never thought that the military was even on his radar. He may slap me for putting this in here. It shows that just because someone doesn't look the part doesn't mean they can't be the part. You can't rely on stereotypes when it comes to who should be joining the military.

However, we did discuss a lot of today's current political climate. I mean, after all, in the states, it is pretty much a clusterfuck of "what could possibly be going wrong now sort of thing." My buddy did serve under Obama and has served under Trump. He did say it didn't have that much of an impact on his overall service. He does note that the majority of the military, around 70% if he were to guess, wasn't supportive of Donald Trump. While he has voiced his criticism, he has done so in a particular way.

All servicemembers do you have the same rights as their civilian counterparts. Military members do have to take a bit of extra care in what they say and do. While criticism is acceptable, it also requires being able to back up everything they say. They can't just spew hate or drama without there being some form of blowback. I mean, there's always going to be that anyway, but unless you have to back up what you say, which may seem pointless regardless. We did talk heavily about what it means to be gay and in the military. A straight person's experience in the military will be distinctly different from someone who is LGBT. We did concentrate on that.

It did come down to this. "Open your eyes to what the LGBT+ community and take a hard fucking look at what it has taken for queer people to get an equal footing in the military. Open yourself to the whole experience. For once, take your civilian lenses off and put yourself in their shoes. If you have to hide from everyone, including those you call an Airman, Sergeant, or Captain, you will see how ridiculous it is. Stop fighting it and understand the overall Human Condition."

It's essential to understand that many civilians have a mistaken impression of what it means to be LGBT+ and in the military. This includes both liberal and conservative people. Most of it does come down to a lack of empathy. There is no way to make it easy for LGBT+ individuals to serve openly in the military. It's still a constant battle for equality and will more than likely be one for a while.

After this interview was over, it took a lot to read through all the notes I took with my friend. I had a hard time gathering my thoughts into one place. Part of our discussions went back to when I served in the military. I served during DADT, and so my experiences were different in some ways. In others, they were the same.

The queerphobia I saw was more blatant than it was passive, at least in my experience. Because of the DADT policy's exact nature, I couldn't exactly stand up for myself or other LGBT+ members. Doing so would have outed me and ruined my military career. After speaking to my friend who serves openly and looking at my past, I've concluded it is hard to serve with honor when you're always being put down for being who you are. It's a challenge that straight service members will never know. Many have shown empathy and don't care about an individual's sexuality. Unfortunately, there are still some that do. Those are the ones that are making it challenging to be a gay service member.

This article has proven to be very eye-opening for me. Being human, I honestly looked mostly at my own experiences instead of others. I've learned a lot, and I know I'm going to learn more. With each person I talk to, it's going to be more eye-opening. The queer experience in the military is an interesting beast to wrestle with.

With my story, I wrestled with a lot of beasts. I brought up some in my upcoming story Homefront, along with the mental issues associated with PTSD. I didn't bring a whole lot of that queer military experience into the story. I did bring some of my experience as it was only a short novella. It has given me a lot to consider when writing future stories that involve the military.

I know in the romance genre, especially gay romance, there's a lot of fluff. I mean, it is a romance after all, and there is a happy ever after ending. What's the point of writing a romance story if it's not going to end happily? I'll leave the tragedy to Shakespeare. Until then, I'll keep writing happy endings (Giggity), but I will also keep in mind those that served to give me the freedom to write the stories. That does include all those that have served in the United States military.

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