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Military Men

Not Members of the Round Table

By LisztomaniaPublished 7 years ago 4 min read

Unpopular opinion time. I don’t care, I’m gonna say it anyway. I spent five years in active duty with the Air Force. (Do not thank me). That’s not why I’m here.

America seems to be under this illusion that men in the military are knights of the fucking round table, which may have been true at one point in time. Shrouded behind the “faded glory,” they look like selfless individuals who would give their life for their country. This is the biggest sham I have ever encountered. Not all are bad; I have friends of junior enlisted tier that are still in and are truly awesome people with good intentions, but as far as dating goes, the chances of finding one of these decent guys are slim.

How can this be? I’ve seen the commercials of the hot American men who enlist and they just excuse social convention?! Because the men, particularly junior enlisted, act as though they have just entered the biggest fraternity, only it’s much worse and every night is initiation night. They are all making their own money (but steal from their “wingmen”), can buy trips to exotic places (and trysts of illegal nature), and cover it up by hiding behind an honorable job title.

It always irritated me to see Facebook posts talking about how proud they were to serve, and how many amazing friendships they made while in. Of course, this irritation was only amplified by the shit talking that occurs at work regarding how much they hate their job, when truly, they will never have the balls to leave.

It’s an extremely toxic environment. And if you’re a woman living in the coed dorms, forget achieving uninterrupted sleep. One guy was bold as fuck and came knocking at my door at 2 AM with a boner wearing nothing but his boxers. I was 18. No, I had never met him before. All he knew was that a female lived there from the door tag.

Yep, sexual assault and prevention is a hot topic in the military right now. It’s redundant, though. Their efforts are failing due to the immaculate screening process of the military. Anyone who saunters into their local recruiters' office can be taken in. But you know what doesn’t help? The fucking Air Force mentality. I cannot express how disgusting it is that the combative statement for sexual assault is boiled down to, “We are an Air Force family. And you don’t do that to family.” Excuse me, but your ignorance precedes you, dear briefer. Have you forgotten that the majority of sexual assault cases are inflicted BY a family member? I motion to trash this brief.

But I digress. If you are feeling daring and wish the sample this cess pond, here is what you should know. Go in knowing that numbers do not lie. The male to female ratio is a fucking million to one. That means for every millionth Peter Pan lost boy, there is one female. If you give them a chance to pounce, they will. Do not be flattered. This also means that if you are lucky enough to find a female friend, do not get riled up when said pouncer is also chatting her up. There are simply not enough women in the military to be losing friends based on the actions of an incubus.

Trust me when I say you can be dating one for months when said incubus goes straight back to his friends, talks mad disrespect, then gasses a friend up to come and try his shot. It’s okay, though, because the military is held to a higher standard than society. They are the one percent. They just fail to mention that it is the one percent with no concept of right or wrong.

I think I understand why this occurs. They join and individuality is lost. Individual thought is traded in for mob mentality. Anything to show up at the party with the story of the week. Do you know what fills the shell of the person? Terrible music taste. Vaping. Booze. Indiscretion. If one of the four resonates with you even slightly, you are in. It really is “not that deep, fam.” Their personality is based on a malleable stereotype that can be taken on and off like a T-shirt.

But god, please keep your T-shirt on. I know you’re working on your biceps as you’ve used your workout routine as the opener every time we talk. And like your biceps, ain’t nothing there behind the excuse you like to call a personality.

But we all want someone we can grow with, right? That’s all you guys talk about is a girl with “vision and ambition.” Son, you wouldn’t know ambition if it hit you in the face. All the women I know in the military joined to better themselves. Yeah, there are women just as bad as men in the military, but I don’t date them and I can’t speak to it. The good ones want to build something out of the shit they came from. And how are they rewarded for giving you the time of day? Rumors. Insidious gossip. Fake friendships. Failure to reciprocate emotional availability. And I will let you in on a secret. These men aren’t even phased by the fact that we can now reproduce without them. Like, shit is bizarre. My opinion is not even slanted by feministic ideals and I know this to be true.

To the women who wish to “build” something with this type of man, you have higher chance at achieving your goals should you light your house on fire and start completely from scratch by yourself. Because that’s basically what you will be left to do should you enter into an arrangement with this world-class specimen.


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    LisztomaniaWritten by Lisztomania

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