Marine Corps Stories: The Thing Is....

A fly got into the administrative shop in Yuma, Arizons somehow. That wasn’t it; someone let the fly in there.

“It wasn’t me, Gunny,” Corporal Natalie Mark said.

“I didn’t do it,” Corporal Joseph Gregory said.

“The goddamn boogeyman let it in here, then,” Gunnery Sergeant French Polk said.

“Are we the Army, corporals?”

“No, Gunny?”

“So why are we acting like it?”

“But it’s a fly….” Gregory said.

Natalie looked at him incredulously.

“I hate flies! Flies are for soldiers, doggies, not Devil Dogs,” Gunny Polk said.

“We can get some spray in here, and some swatters,” Natalie suggested.

“I’ve had the ‘pleasure’ of working with the Army. You think we’re FUBAR? Those soldiers couldn’t tell their chins from their shins. Goddamn, did they muck everything up.”

The corporals just looked at each other coldly, almost icily in fact. The fly streaked by once again. The Marines remained intent on slaying it. They had enough time now, as the work day reached completion.

“I’ll tell you what, we had an Army colonel commanding with our colonel once. We were on a mission to reclaim territory captured by the enemy, and this stunad Army colonel puts us directly into the firing line. The firefight lasted for close to half an hour. We didn’t lose anybody on our side, and no soldiers sustained any losses. But goddamn, did that joker put us in some hot water,” Gunny Polk said.

The fly whizzed back again. Gregory used his hand to try to swat it.

“What are you, an animal? Use this swatter,” Natalie said. She also handed him a canister of insecticide.

Gregory looked like a warrior from the middle ages, with a can of bug spray in one hand, and a swatter in the other. He located and closed in on the flying insect. He slammed the swatter down on nothing. The fly got away, and Gunny wasn’t done.

“I could tell you stories. Now, to be honest, I was in the Army until I was both your ranks. I didn’t even need to go through their boot camp. Then I said, let me run with the big dogs. I noticed a complete change in ideology and ethos. Being in the Corps allowed me to stress a quest for perfection rather than to go with what works. There was an emphasis on morale and morality. Sure, I had some good times as a soldier, but as a Leatherneck I’m in a better frame of mind. I can lead better, and with great physical and mental freedom. They want to be us so bad, though.”

“Give me the swatter,” Natalie said.

Gregory undid the two swatters that were stuck together, and handed Natalie one. They stalked the fly together, like two hunters out to capture big game.

“But they say ‘it’s one team, one fight.’ And some of the best generals like Sherman and Patton were soldiers. And Audie Murphy was in the Army. Okay, so you have some greats, alright, alright but you won’t find me polishing a soldier’s Corframs. They’ve got a few, but they don’t have Chesty, Basilone, and Dunham.”

The two corporals continued on their hunt for the fly as Gunny Polk waxed poetic about the military.

“I think the two branches should fuse into one, but still call it the Marines. Army is too generic. Anything can be an army. There are some instances where marine is used, specifically in an aquatic sense. But you know what you’re talking about when you say ‘The Marines.’ There’s a distinction, almost like an aura around just the phrase.”

Natalie and Gregory kept up their offense on the winged bug.

“I’d say the army has my respect, but I love the Marines. Notice I said ‘Marines,’ not ‘Corps.’ I get to teach youngins the life.”

With one deft swat, Natalie eliminated the fly.

“You won’t be getting a medal for that,” Gunny said.

“I know,” Natalie said evenly.