It was something extremely mental and physical to go through. Early morning exercise, work call, and any other workload that came with being in the military. It started to become more of a normal routine so much it was robotic. The surprises started becoming more expected and going home became something less to expect. I grew unsure about what I wanted out of life or what interests me.
I was at home one day - I thought to myself “What will make me happy!?”. I thought about it for a couple of days and couldn’t figure it out. I wanted to find answers; so I went to school. I wanted to find something that would help me find time for myself and feel good working. I went to school to be a Barber. There was lots of fun being a Barber after getting my certificate from a trade school. The conversation topics, the customers, and their stories that you hear about. Grooming is something that gives people a positive emotion about themselves and knowing you can make a person's day better with a haircut was good enough for me to feel good about showing up to work.
With the positivity in this environment, I grew inspired to do more. I wanted to just “keep going”. It was an accomplishment for me and these accomplishments I wanted more of. I went to school again capitalizing on my opportunities. I was lost once I made this decision but I wanted to do more for myself and show my family the outcome from staying dedicated. I thought I had put too much on my plate working as a barber and going to school.
Eventually, I realized that I did and put barbering on hold. I ran into an identity issue as far as working as a barber. I liked what I did but this is not where I belong. This is the part where I felt I made a huge mistake. I started searching on the internet “is it possible to get back into the military?” I thought I was the only one who thought about this but there are many people who feel the same and that was scary for me.
I was really uncomfortable after researching this and started to regret my decision. I had to remind myself why I left because of the opportunities and accomplishments. I didn’t know what to do. I would freak out sometimes but I grew into making myself use to it. I never tried to get back into the military but it has been a thought in the back of my mind. I am already on a journey and looking back has shown me that it will mess with you mentally and create doubt. I use to think I was the only one feeling like this but this is why I wanted to share this story.
I don’t think we express ourselves often as soldiers and veterans. The start has already been done before but everyone experiences things in their own way. This is how I start and there will be updates with more to come. Let's help others get heard and become able to talk about their journeys. If you are reading this then let my journey help you decide how you want to live life after the military. If you are already out but had hopes and dreams and they did not go as plan then I hope this will help you to get back on your journey and do not give up.
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