I never believed I would fall in love, or desire the presence of another, but I stand corrected.
I wasn’t one to dance but that night we danced the night away, laughing and smiling. I didn’t like crowds, or socializing. But then you appeared. I was shy at first, reserved and anxious, but then suddenly you took my hand and pulled me close, a warm embrace that sent a wave of warmth through me. Almost like I had melted against you. I relaxed as I put one foot in front of the other, following you deeper and deeper into the night. Moving slowly then faster and faster to the rhythm of the music, as I slipped deeper and deeper into your arms. I could feel the butterflies in my stomach, my heart fluttered along with it. When your lips touched mine, I couldn’t help but shudder at the sweet bitterness. I felt like I couldn’t taste anything better than you. I began to crave more. My feet couldn’t keep up with yours, as we danced more and more. Our lips embracing each other at every moment. I could hear the voices around me, the laughter and shouts, blurring into one loud resounding buzz. Time seemed to move slowly with you, as minutes had passed when they felt like hours. The beat of the music pulsed through my body as my laughter grew louder. My smile so big it hurt my cheeks and my sides ached. The lights swirling and creating a kaleidoscope of beauty. You had swept me off my feet into what felt like Neverland, to a world I never wanted to leave, to a dimension my mind could not fathom. I wanted this every night, every day through and through. That warm embrace did it all. It was intoxicating to my senses. As my mind faded into the night and I lost myself. Even when the party had to end, you stayed, holding me close as the music faded into nothing. Invading my head with your alluring voice. Warm, soothing, assuring me it’ll be okay.
But it wasn’t okay. It never would be. You left, the warmth slowly faded to a cold, painful ache. Every morning when I woke up, feeling cold and lonely, staring up at the ceiling. My body feeling battered and beaten from the day before. Each move like razors against my skin, knives within my heart. You were always coming and going, a feeling I should know, but it never ceased to hurt. My poor heart craved you time and time again, craved your warmth and happiness. My head pounded, trying to forget how you made me feel so maybe I wouldn’t come back. But my mind dreamt of when I would see you again—I could never get enough of you. Even if you left me cold. I needed more. I needed the warmth, the light, the fun and frivolousness you brought with you. So back I went every chance I got, to find you, to feel again, to be embraced by you. And I found you each and every time. Day or night, you came back when I called. Your soft sultry voice, bittersweet lips, words that took me away... That soothing, warm embrace. Sweeping me off my feet, helping me to forget the troubles that haunted me. Making me smile and laugh again, like everything would be okay. Taking me deeper yet again into the night, forgetting what came in the morning. Letting me soak in that warm embrace of your body against mine...
Because after all, isn’t that why people become alcoholics?