Uncle Johnny Drank More Wine Than Anyone I Knew

I’m Italian. I’ve been around some wine drinkers in my day. I’ve partied with many people who chose wine as their preferred drink. Hey, if it was good enough for Jesus, it’s good enough for me. I’ve been known to throw down a few solid glasses in an evening.

I’ve even been around a few people who likely had drinking problems. We had a fella at one of my dad’s churches he pastored named Jack the Wino. That of course wasn’t his real name, other than the Jack part. That was just the name my parents gave him on the sly. I don’t recall who even came up with it, we just all laughed at it if someone joked about him. Not very nice or Christian-like.

Even with all of my Italian family, friends, and casual acquaintances, nobody held a candle to my Uncle Johnny. That dude was the undisputed wine champion, God rest his soul. He didn’t take his grapes in pill form. Liquified only.

We met my Great Uncle Johnny for the first time back around the mid-80s. I bet we visited him, my Great Aunt Ruth, and second Cousin Michael when we lived in Bakersfield, only a couple hours from the Los Angeles area where they lived. Arcadia, California, to be exact. Home of Santa Anita Park, a famous horse racing venue. It seemed as though they lived quite close by.

I wasn’t sure what Uncle Johnny did for a living. I think he was retired by the time we first met him. He had to be between the ages of 65 to 70 back then, based on when he passed, and was a bit older than 90. All I knew was that he had a LOT of golf balls and tennis falls all over his garage and backyard.

We’d go play in that backyard, throwing tennis balls and reading all of his different brands of golf balls. Titleist, Callaway, Top-Flite, he had tons. Some had business and brand logos on them. They were sure neat to look at.

The first time we visited, we were coming back into the house for lunch and he said, “Did you two grab some tennis balls and golf balls?” It was lunchtime, and he asked us with a glass of red wine in his large hand.

We looked at each other quickly. “We were supposed to take some? SHIT.” Our excited looks made him laugh.

“Ok, after lunch, grab a few of each. Whatever you need. Grab a bunch!” Then he took another sip of his lunch wine.

We were excited. It wasn’t every day we got new stuff. We weren’t made of money, as my father had made abundantly clear many times. So this was an awesome development during our family vacation. Uncle Johnny was definitely all right. His voice was a little loud and deep, but clearly, he was on OUR side. He was a cool cat.

Speaking of the opposing side, my father shot me a look as I ran out to collect my fortune in golf balls and tennis balls. I knew what he meant by the look. It was kind of a wide-eyed, one eyebrow arched, mouth at a slightly weird angle that said, “Take a few of each, but don’t be ridiculous about it.”

Got it, Pops. Don’t stuff every pocket of our jeans to the maximum with all of Unc’s golf and tennis balls. I’d like to think we made smart, selective choices. Truth be told, I probably just grabbed 4 or 5 of each before someone changed their minds.

We visited with them a couple of nights while we were in town. As an observant and perceptive kid, I noticed that Uncle John sure seemed to enjoy a glass of wine. Or numerous glasses. Throughout much of the day. This wasn’t a behavior I had much experience being around.

I had seen my dad drink a beer or two a few times, after doing hot yard work or something similar. These times were RARE though. There was definitely never a habit there. And being we didn’t socialize a ton other than with church people from my dad’s churches, I never really saw adults drinking, growing up.

Uncle Johnny sure flipped that on its ass. I noticed that the more he drank wine, typically toward the mid to later evening, the louder he could get. He never was out of control, but he’d change a bit. He’d object to more statements when the adults were talking. If he was really buzzed, I’d hear a few swear words. Hearing him say “Goddamnit” a number of times and knowing how my dad hated that word, as a pastor, was really awkward.

We visited them again the next year when my Uncle Richard, Aunt Rosie, and our cousins Nathan and Eli came to visit from Tennessee. My Uncle T-Bone lived in L.A. so it was awesome to have my dad’s two brothers to visit with. I hadn’t met Nathan and Eli before, and they were truly awesome cousins to get to know. We all had a blast.

We visited Uncle Johnny and his family again with everyone. Unc was definitely letting the vino flow, and everyone was having a ball. I’m sure he likely let the goddamnits fly with extra family in town. I saw a number of empty wine bottles that evening. Makes me wonder if he had a wine cellar in that older house of his.

The next evening back at Uncle T-Bones, we were playing some word association board game with the family. You had to yell the first words you thought of when given a subject. It went something like this:

Cardholder: “Dog!”

Answering person: “German Shepard!”

Cardholder: “Tree!”

Answering person, “Sequoia!”

Cardholder: “Wine!”

Nathan: “Uncle Johnny!”

Oh my god, everyone in the room fell over with laughter. My cousin Nathan hit the nail right on the head in his ever-so-talented comedic way for a 6th grader. It’s kind of sad, because of how true it seemed.

Thinking back about it now though, I don’t really see a problem. Uncle Johnny was retired. He had been a businessman of some sort, we’d found out after asking, and that was why he had so many golf balls and tennis balls around.

He’d have meetings over a round of golf or tennis with business clients. He mentioned he had played golf with the owner of Domino's Pizza. The CEO of Hobie surfwear. I’m sure many other important people. He still golfed most mornings, super early as the sun was coming up.

If drinking wine was his one vice during retirement, what the fuck? Let a man who worked hard during his career have his wine. I never remember Aunt Ruth complaining once about how much wine Uncle Johnny Drank. She could reel him in if the cursing was starting to become a bit much for little ears. She’d recommend he head to bed if he started dozing off in the middle of our visits. They were wonderful toward each other.

One thing I’ve learned about red wine over the years is that it can have a healthy effect on you when used in moderation. After all, Uncle John lived into his early 90s. He probably knew what he was doing for most of his life. Here’s an article that describes some health benefits of drinking red wine:

https://whitehalllane.com/10-health-benefits-of-drinking-red-wine-that-will-keep-you-healthy/

I think this is why I’ve switched to cabernet red wine from beer over the past number of years. I know that there are health benefits to drinking red wine. You also can consume less of it than beer and still feel a decent buzz. After one decent-sized glass, I feel a pretty nice, warm buzz most of the time. It pairs well with Italian cooking, singing in the kitchen, and writing blogs.

Like my Great Uncle Johnny, I feel that a little wine most days is a good thing. A reward for a job well done during a busier workday. A nice relaxing feeling, when the work is mainly done and you feel like chilling. If there really are health benefits, even better. I’m all for the anti-oxidants and the sweet dance moves that come after your 2nd glass. &:^)