My Unusual Relationship With Alcoholic Beverages

The first time I was given a can of beer, I was 16 years old. I was at a party at the home of younger friend where everyone was drinking. I was seated on the stair steps as I took a few sips. I had only consumed half the can when I stood up.There was ringing in my ears and sounds were muffled. There was also a sensation of things around me seeming to fade as if I were going to black out. I had experience these same situation once before, at age 14. I was being injected with substances to find out what I was allergic to, when the ringing in the ears and sensation of blacking out came upon me.

I was told at that time to put my head between my legs and a few moments later I was back to normal. On the night of the party I sat back down and waited until I felt better to stand up again. I wondered why I did not get the buzz that everyone else spoke of and never desired to drink bear again until adulthood. It was 1993 and I began having the feeling that I was fainting but never passed out. For three days it was as if I were in a fog and a visit to the doctor confirmed I was having panic/anxiety attacks. I was prescribed various medications but over time I decided I did not want to be medicated.I read that drinking an occasional beer would help so I purchased a few cans.

I drank them over a two day period and all that happened was I felt sleepy. Over the years even this stopped and I felt nothing when drinking beer. The first time I tried a stronger alcoholic beverage I was at a holiday dance. I saw people around me drunk, laughing and appearing to have fun. While everyone was gone away from the table, I poured a few drinks from different bottles. I stood up to go to the restroom and once again there was ringing in my ears, muffled sounds and everything looking fuzzy. The next few times I drank a little, it was just like with the beer, no buzz but I got a good nights sleep. I recalled a song from the 1960's where the singer asks, " Is this all there is"?

If this happens to me then there surely are others who are wired the same way. Something in my DNA caused me to have panic attack symptoms rather than feel “high.” I know other people who had allergy tests and they did not have the feeling of fainting so it’s something pertaining to me. I also deal with night terrors and sleep paralysis. The only trauma I endured as a child was being picked on by other black children and teens because I was quiet. skinny and light skinned with long hair. Perhaps it’s related to my O negative blood. I’ve read articles indicating that those with O negative blood have heightened senses, and often have ESP. Some say this bloodlines goes back to the giants that were on the earth before the flood mentioned in the Bible. Others say O negative blood indicates you came from aliens, lol but I look exactly like my dad. I was told my father did drugs so perhaps that’s why I’m different but who can really say.

All I know is I see other people seemingly enjoying drinking because they do it often. I’m personally just not inclined to drink because there is no point. I accept that I am not like most people and if anyone reading is like me I say embrace yourself. There is more to life than social drinking and especially getting drunk, which has caused numerous accidents and deaths. I never saw a reason to try a lot of different alcoholic beverages to see if the right one worked, that’s just not me and that’s OK. I am curious but not obsessed as to why my body responds as it does to specific "intrusions." If I find out one day I will share it. For now I choose to enjoy my uniqueness which sets me apart.

I have watched television programs and soap opera's for decades where people pour a drink whenever they are having a rough day. I have watched the westerns where everyone congregates in the saloon. Movies and television commercials often show everyone drinking and having a good time but this baffles me. I wonder how much of this is real as I personally don't know anyone who has alcohol sitting out in their home as portrayed on TV. I do know a lot of folk who drink occasionally and most can handle their liquor but a few others cannot. I once tried drinking an extra glass of rum but I only became sleepy a lot quicker. I prefer sleep to panic attack symptoms and I have long since given up caring that I don't get the buzz or the desire to tie one on.

I do wonder about the reason I'm different and have such an interesting relationship with alcohol but that's just the way it is. Life can be funny that way. I recall about 30 years ago, my husband and I were at a club, seated at a table with some friends and relatives. As others were making merry I was enjoying the music and waiting for my husband to return to the table so we could dance. The man sitting to my left asked me why I was there if I were not going to join in. s he spoke the woman to his left began talking loudly. She soon fell out of her chair into the floor because she had been drinking so much and I wondered if this were the behavior he believed was the norm? I perceived that this man and others could not conceive that anyone might just want to get out of the house, enjoy the company of others and dance with their spouse without being inebriated?

Many people have this same attitude which can be summed up by the lyrics of a Parliament/Funkadelic song "If you ain't gonna get it on, take your dead ass home." Those, like myself can get it on very well, thank you without the necessity of spirits, we are wired that way. I recall a Christmas dance many years ago that began at 10 PM. I noticed that even though the top hits were being played only a few couples were on the floor. It had me singing the George Clinton song and wondering why hundreds had paid money to attend a dance but were sitting on their behinds? Around midnight however, I had my answer. Suddenly the floor was filled with couples who for two hours did nothing but sit.

I realized that while my husband and I and a few others had been enjoying ourselves the entire night, the majority of attendees had to wait until they had sufficient alcohol in their systems before they could loosen up. I saw this scenario play out time and time again. There are three old adages that come to mind in this situation and they are: "Live and let live," To each his own" and "To thine own self be true." Those of us who have this unusual situation where we don't feel what others experience when drinking are being true to ourselves when we don't force the issue and attempt to be like everyone else.