It started and ended with Merlot

Five years. Five years since she’s felt a man’s touch, or a woman’s for that matter. It hasn’t been all that bad. She finally got back up, she learned about herself, what she likes and she gained her life back. It was lonely, but necessary. It wasn’t easy being with a man that required all of her attention and he knew nothing about her. She lost herself in him and his life. It started and ended with a bottle of Merlot.

She knew him from high school, but they went their separate ways after graduation. She went to college and he went to explore the world he never knew. After a few years, she came back home. He was busy living a life of rebellion. One day, maybe out of boredom of his rebellious life, he wrote on her page on social media. To her surprise, she read, “I think you’re pretty, I have always thought so”. She paid him no mind, but because of her empathetic nature, she responded with a “thank you”. He kept on though, and after some exchanges of common pleasantries, it turned into private messages and then to phone calls. Eventually, late night calls that turned into deep conversation about life, thoughts, and likes such as favorite wine: Merlot! Why did that not sit well in her stomach, everytime he mentioned Merlot. Merlot. Like blood and vinegar is all it reminded her of.

Finally, he asked her if she wanted to join him at a bonfire, he buddy does every once in a while. You know, since we’re “cool kids”, we don’t call this a first date. I mean, what if it doesn’t work out, then it never happened, right? So she agreed, and days later, still trying to figure out what to wear, she finally went with jeans and a comfortable tee that hid her average body. She wore glasses, maybe to show her intellectuality, but mostly because she knew he wore glasses too. She drove to his place, well, his grandmother’s house. He ran into some trouble so he hung out there for a while, but who am I to judge? They saw each other for the first time in years and hugged. It was nice to be held by big arms that she felt immediately safe in. They talked for a while, scoped each other out and went over to the bonfire. He introduced her to all his friends, although she knew most of them since that was also her hometown. Then after a long night of bonfires and alcohol, he kissed her. They talked and being the lady she is, went home.

Two years later, a rental home and a baby, they barely shared the responsibilities. He was too busy with his rebellious life he ever so often visited. He would come home while she cared for the baby, house work, and worked herself. He wasn’t always in a good mood. He would grab his bottles of Merlot and drink. She realized something was wrong when he would drink the whole bottle; all 1.5 liters of it. He became ugly when he drank, but she knew it had to be something that was bothering him. Why would anyone want to be like that? In that state? She suffered with him and suffered for him. She caught herself drinking with him, just so he wouldn't drink so much. She got smart and started draining Merlot in the sink when he wasn’t looking, but he just bought more. She got angry and started saving all the bottles of Merlot and one day, she placed one bottle in every part of the house with a yellow sticky note that had a name for every person that loved him that he was hurting by drinking so much, including her name and their son’s name. She grabbed her things and their son and left. He came home to find an empty home with bottles on every piece of furniture in the home.

He promised her he’d stop drinking. She was weary, but listened. After all, she loved him and wanted a family. She agreed to stay together, but he would have to get help. She played it safe and stayed at her mother’s house, but visited him when she could with their son. He tried getting help, went to therapy, but to no avail, he cheated on her with Merlot. The one she had to compete with every time. She spoke to him because she knew he cheated. She picked up a second job just to keep busy. She thought it was the right thing to do.

August 11, 2016, she worked her hours and to her surprise, she got a phone call from him. He confessed what she knew all along, he was on the Merlot again. They spoke on her lunch break and she said, “If you want us to be together, you need to man up”! She looked at the time and said, “I have to go, my break is over. I’ll talk to you after work.” She felt like she was a little harsh, so she went to text him. She started texting, “I love y…”, but left it unsent and went into work. Reception was bad inside and she felt sick to her stomach. That same feeling she got when he told her on their first date that Merlot was his favorite wine. When she clocked out, just an hour after talking to him during her late lunch break, a multitude of texts and missed calls started coming in on her phone. It was his buddy, “I’m so sorry, he’s in the hospital, he was airlifted...the house...the fire…”.

She ran into the hospital looking everywhere for answers. When someone finally directed her to a waiting room just for her. She sat there nervously, looking at the white walls and a foyer table with a rectangular box of tissues sitting on top. Suddenly, the nurse and the doctor came in and they started explaining what happened. “We don’t know how the fire started, but he didn’t get burned...All we found was a bottle of Merlot...I’m sorry, but…” The doctor’s voice started fading out as she felt a lump in her throat. She started to replay the conversation with him in her head, the one during her lunch break. She remembered, she was about to send him a text and now she never will be able to send it. How was she going to tell their son?

Five years later. She was getting back on her feet. Her son was getting older. She found a new career. One night, the neighbor knocks on her front door. “Hey, the lights went out, what’s going on? Is everything ok”? “Yes”, she said. “I guess the whole block lost power”. He responded, “Do you want to hang out then and look at the stars”? She thought to herself, this is good. They both sat outside looking up at the stars that could be seen amazingly that night without the external lights interfering. He said, “I have wine in the house, would you like some”? “Sure”, she said. “What type”? “Merlot”, he responded.