I Don't Remember, I Was Drunk

Weak ass excuses like this shouldn't work on anyone, but for some reason they do — not on me, but most people. That's not your get-out-of-jail free card for being stupid just because you were drinking. You were still an idiot sober. All alcohol does is intensify the person you really are. If you're angry, when you're drunk you are horrible to be around. You become even angrier at dumb stuff. If you're a pervert, you get drunk and become even more disgusting and weird. And if you are sad because you just got your heart broken... stay home and get drunk. Don't come around me with that. A drunk crier is the worst to deal with.

Anyway, back on target. You are absolutely not allowed to blame being drunk on dumb things that you do because it is still you doing whatever the hell you're currently being yelled at for. All that happened was your inhibitions were lowered, but they were still there in the first place. It doesn't mean you wouldn't have done something stupid sober, but you wanted to.

You slept with that girl because you were drunk? Listen, I've slept with some questionable women in all states of mind: drunk, high, and sober. Just admit that you did it because you wanted to. The best excuse you can use in that situation was "Yeah, I slept with this girl the other night. Normally I wouldn't have but, honest to god, it's been a while. That and she let me, so I did."

I'm not saying that you should stop drinking (God knows I'd never say that) but what I am saying is that you need to not blame the drinking. And I know we all do dumb things when we've had a few in us, but claiming you don't remember doing something is ridiculous when you can recall exactly what you drank and how many you had.

Have you ever met those people? They can't quite recall what they did but they remember exactly how many Coors Lights they had? That's a tell tale sign they are full of it.

You remember all that but when it comes to remembering something that is gonna get you in trouble, all of a sudden you're drawing a blank? That sounds about right.

I'm kind of sorry if one of you got away with that lame ass excuse recently and your significant other reads this and opens up that argument. I am, but you shouldn't have A) done whatever you did to piss him/her off, and B) should've told her the truth. It's not that you were drunk and don't remember, but rather that you were drunk and do dumb things when you are. That's much more of a believable response and the other person might forgive you depending on the magnitude of the screw up. Also, we ALL know that people do stupid stuff when enough alcohol is put in our bodies and the other person will understand that and move on instead of question you. "If he doesn't remember, what else doesn't he remember doing that I don't know about? I should keep an eye on him more closely. He's never drinking again." (You see how things get out of control if you let them?)

And those of you who actually don't remember something, you need to slow down when it comes to the sauce because you are clearly drinking too much. But even if you don't, own up to whatever you did that you do not remember. "Yes, I did that thing you said I did because of who I am when I'm drunk. I don't remember doing it but I love you and I will probably never do it again unless I can never remember what it is and end up doing it again."

See how easy that was?

Of course, this may all just be me.