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The Sex Bubble Nobody Wants to Admit Is Happening

Sex during COVID-19 for single gay men

By NapoleonPublished 3 years ago 7 min read
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The Sex Bubble Nobody Wants to Admit Is Happening
Photo by Mikail Duran on Unsplash

Whenever I think of 2020, somehow I end up thinking about the John Travolta made for TV movie in the 70s, The boy in the plastic bubble, long before he became the heartthrob from the movie Grease.

There is also the NBA Disney Bubble that allowed NBA games to continue to play.

A bubble is to be in a controlled environment, isolated from the outside world. It works, but will it work if you are looking for sex?

Gay men have been in this kind of situation, and we know how to keep it safe.

It has been months since my last hookup. As a single gay man, this year was supposed to be the year to be back in the dating scene again. After my ex walked out on me, he ghosted me.

But I’m okay with it. A lesson I learned from a previous romantic relationship is that feelings can be fleeting. People change, and you can’t make someone love you once they stop loving you.

But this year, because of the pandemic. Everyone is afraid. Besides, it stopped being my priority.

To be honest, there were times I would think about it. What I mean about it is sex.

As the world became more aware that the coronavirus isn't another virus, that it wasn’t going away. I became anxious and filled with fear, almost drowning in my own feelings.

I don’t have memories of the first Severe acute respiratory syndrome (SARS) pandemic in 2003. Now, who will forget this year when we all live in a pandemic brought by the Severe acute respiratory syndrome (SARS) coronavirus 2 or by now we call it COVID-19.

It was in March when the world as we know it changed. Lockdown, a word that we have become familiar with. In most countries around the world, the lockdown was the de facto government response to stop the spread of the coronavirus.

I have to say, I even thought that was it. The world is ending. But, the world didn’t end. It is different, yes, and we have to continue with our lives. We should continue living.

It is hard, like many, I have experienced a range of emotions, from sadness to anger.

Who wouldn’t, the pandemic wasn’t part of anyone’s plan, but even that is quite foolish to say. Because as humans, we don't plan for the worse; we put every bad thing we can think of on the back burner.

So eight months into the pandemic, and I am still here; I’m very grateful, this is my second life, that there is more for me. I am curious about what is going to happen next. I have lived through a pandemic and so have you, if you are reading this.

Oh! The sex bubble.

To be candid, I did have sex during the pandemic. It was cathartic. It happened with someone I knew who never went out, who lives alone as I do, and has been staying at home as I did in the two months when everyone was told to stay at home. It was a hard lockdown.

It was quick. It was just that. I would not say it was meaningless because it helped me get through whatever bad feeling I felt that day, that week, that month. I can’t remember what it was, the dark feeling of being alone and isolated.

Later on, I did forget about hooking up. All my free time is devoted to writing, I love it. I guess we find ourselves doing the things we want to do even at a time like the pandemic, where there is too much uncertainty.

It could be our way of coping, some have become plant lovers, some have gone biking, many, like myself, turned into writing.

Once in a while, I would think about being both gay and safe during a pandemic. As a gay man, I lived all my life threading gay life, that I have to be responsible when it comes to sex. Safe sex isn't an afterthought. It is a non-negotiable rule, that isn't up for further discussion.

Safe sex is a way of life.

I have always had rules when it comes to sex, and if I want to have sex during the pandemic, it needs to follow the rules or safety protocols. Sex in the context of a sex bubble.

Similar to what the NBA did when it contained the NBA players and everyone involved in one place, but this is not the NBA, hookups are generally between two strangers who happen to meet on an app, online, or in a public place.

It is not only the gay people who are at a disadvantage but also any single person, gay or not, who happens to enjoy sex, who are told to stay away from sex for the better part. Self-love is the new norm. Even the NY Health Department issued its COVID Sex Guidance, which means everyone,

You, are your safest sex partner.

But it is different; while self-love is something everyone should practice and enjoy, in the form of whatever it is you might want to call it, at times, self-love isn't enough. A cuddle, the touch of another person’s warm body against your skin, can never be replicated by your own hand touching your body.

Sex, it is happening. We must talk about it in the public space, as the more we keep the discussion inside the closet, the more it can expose someone to health risks. In a pandemic, the health risk is multiplied many times over.

If you want to proceed, take the risk because sex comes with risks, with or without the pandemic, but with caution.

One has to accept the free for all attitude, for the time being, is not the smartest decision to make.

One should also take into consideration the people around you. Living your life recklessly has consequences.

But life has to go on for everyone, for anyone who is gay, for anyone single.

Here is why the idea of a sex bubble excites me, which to me means allowing the people you know who is safe to become your “seksbuddy” as what the Dutch call it, and keeping your sex bubble to only a few people.

If it’s possible to be in a monotonous sex partnership, consider doing that, it is the safest way to navigate sex in a time of what we call the new normal.

To be called an adult, one must be ready to make adult decisions, sex isn't for gratification alone, it could be a big part of it, but sex should always be in the context of a responsible decision.

At a time, when everything can go haywire. When one can become a super spreader, you have to keep looking at the big picture and that your life and safety are not yours alone.

It belongs to the people you love, your family, and to your community.

This will not be forever, the pandemic. This too shall pass. So don't feel deprived. Sex is a need, but no one ever dies from abstinence.

If you ever consider it, creating your sex bubble, start with someone you already know. An ex or a close friend, the intimacy between friends could be a new way of telling your friend, “I love you, friend!”

Create a questionnaire or a list of the things you want to know about the person, and both of you must be honest and responsible. If the person agrees, commits, and stays within the boundaries of what has been agreed upon, welcome the person into your bubble.

Sex can remain a beautiful thing, even during a pandemic. If having sex is what you think can get you to be mentally healthy, I would say start looking, and start constructing your bubble, your sex bubble.

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About the Creator

Napoleon

Working to be a better storyteller everyday.

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