Myself

This is what I finally was able to write for the QVV Challenge.

I want to start by saying I know saying "myself" for motivation for goals sounds selfish. However, given the shit show my health has been, especially in the last year, it is more important than ever.

I have always put others first... Their health, their happiness, their safety. In the last six months roughly, I realized that I need to stop doing that. I need to care about myself so I can care about others more successfully and more genuinely. I've always said, "You can't care about others unless you care about yourself." I've been hypocritical about that ever since I was in elementary school, when I started having empathy and sympathy.

In the last year, I have finally started to care about my health. I'm nowhere near okay from everything that needs to be worked on... Epilepsy, functional neurological disorder, bipolar 2, generalized anxiety disorder, and an eating disorder. It was hard to push for the treatment for the eating disorder and I'm still struggling, even after a two month program. If I don't keep fighting to care for myself with that, I'm just going to die a painful death. I know that's the reality. If I don't care about myself for that, how can I be there for the people that need me? 

If I don't take care of my health, both physical and mental, I can't function. I spend about one third of my life unable to function as is. If it gets bad, to how it was a couple years ago, I can't guarantee having the strength to fight that level again.

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Sorry if this didn't make sense, or at least part of how much I want it to. My brain feels fried from staring spells the last couple days.