My Therapist Told Me to Write It

She reread the email three times before responding. Then typed out the first line. Erased it. Tried again. Backspaced it all too. Why was this so hard?

Her therapist said she needed to do it to heal. Her best friend called bullshit and then proceeded to get her drunk. Happy 30th!

Don’t forget your homework Sarahi, you know you need to do this, for yourself more than anything — Doc

She wishes she could forget her dumb homework, along with all the damned memories and emotional scars her ex had left her. If only there was a mind-washing machine to help her with her trauma laundry. But she could do this. How hard was it to write an email that you weren’t going to send anyhow??

Dear Alex,

Scratch.

Alx,

Erase.

Alex,

No that was too harsh.

Hey Alex,

It would have to do.

Hey Alex,

I don’t really know what I’m supposed to say here but my therapist thinks I’ve got a lot on my chest and that you need to hear it. And quite frankly, you do. Cause you were a huge fuckin’ asshole. How could you sleep with Ginny on our fucking couch? Huh? And I bet that wasn’t the only place. And how could you freakin gaslight me about it. Act like you didn’t do anything wrong. You’re real messed in the head ya know? And then YOU suggested we work it out all so you could still have some nice tits to lay your head on at the end of a long day. I hate you. You didn’t deserve me. Hell, you deserve a dumpster. I hope that’s where you’re sleeping now. Right where you belong. Man, do you even know how many times you made me feel like I was the problem? Like I was tras-

Wow, her therapist was right when she said it would flow naturally once she’d get started. But her wine glass needed refilling and so did her nicotine habit. Smoke break.

She grabbed her pack of Lucky Strike Watermelons and lighter, and headed to her balcony. She was glad she had put her foot down about keeping the lease on the apartment. She wouldn’t give up the view of the city for anything. And that jackass didn’t deserve beauty. Well, maybe in the future, after a long long time and a boatload of therapy.

After she stubbed out the now-finished cigarette and refilling her wine glass almost to the top, she sat back down on her couch and re-placed the laptop on her lap.

-h. I’m not trash. I’m freaking badass. I have a great job and a family that loves me. Unlike you loser.

Okay maybe that was a bit harsh… But she wasn’t going to send it, right?

I really loved you, ya know? All your damn flaws and everything. I used to see the stars in your eyes. The way you’d look at me made me feel like I could do anything, like I was the center of your world. But you hadd to go look at Rina. And Roxy. Big titti Roxy. My tits weren’t good enough huh? YOUR LOSS NOW HUHHH.

Maybe the wine and cigarette buzz was kickin’ in a little stronger now.

I LOST FRIENDS FOR YOU. YOU WERE SO FRUCKIN JEALOUS ALL THE TIME ALWAYS TELLING ME WHO I CANT TALK TOO. BUT THEY ALL KNEWW YOU WERE TOXIC AF. YOU MAKE ME FEEL SO SMALL.

Gulp, gulp. She might need more wine soon.

Why did you have to go and ruin everythingg hhuhh? why couldnt you just love me like yo were supposed tooooo why wasnt i good enough alexx???? but fuck u. im better off without you. i even got the best dog ever now and u dont get to meet him ever ever. he doesnt need your meanieness killin his vibe. and neither do i. im so much better withou you. u suck. i rock. yeah. thats right. iu damn rock. have a shitty life u whoe

Send.

Wait.

What?

WHAT??

Did she just — ?

———

My first line to get me back into some fiction writing. I needed it. And I did it sober!

No one is saying this was inspired by a certain therapist telling a certain heartbroken gay to write a letter to their abusive ex way back. No one said that at all.

But hey, tell me about your flopped relationships!

*this story was originally written for a writing prompt on my Medium account*