Melancholia In Time Of Dancing & Bears

People shouldn't be open about their sexuality. Cis folk don't worry about it, and LGBTQ+ folk shouldn't worry as well. By not being heterosexual, we have the added stress that we need to reveal our sexual preference(s). At 48 years old, I am still not open about my sexuality. Family and some friends still think that I'm waiting for a woman to make an honest man out of me.

Being asexual helps. Since sex is not a big deal to me, I don't crave a partner. Even though that might be the case, a part of me wants to be loved, and I would like to love someone.

My Pride Playlist for 2021 is the same playlist I would listen to back in 2012. Nothing much has changed, with the only constant being my aching loneliness and sadness that gets cured by the power of dance and bears.

Boy George - "The Crying Game"

This playlist begins with Boy George's haunting "The Crying Game." I fell in love with the song when I saw the film in the cinema when I was 19 years old. Being a movie buff, I realized at the time that I just saw a first: a film noir involving a transgender woman.

And because of that, "The Crying Game" will always be my number one song in any Pride or LGBTQ+ playlist. Even though the reveal & twist was supposed to be a "shocker" at the expense of the transgender community, the movie was still a love story, and for that, I will always appreciate both the film and George Michael's haunting song.

I know all there is to know about the crying game

I've had my share of the crying game

First there are kisses

Then there are sighs

And then, before you know where you are

You're sayin' goodbye

At the time, I had no idea nor experience of what it meant. And at 48 years old -- 30 years after -- the song has become brutally devastating. I've experienced love that quickly devolved into nothing. With such "nothing," I have come to expect nothing from any relationship. That might sound overdramatic, but it's emotionally easy to accept.

Erasure - Take A Chance On Me

The second song needs to wash away the first song's emotional trauma. Here we have a fun song from Erasure with their cover of ABBA's "Take A Chance On Me."

I have always loved the original version, and it has always been my Disney Theme Song. As a huge ABBA fan, this rendition is pure classic bubblegum pop. Whether you're gay or not, you won't be able to stop your tush from dancing.

It has drag. It has innocent fun. And the third part of the song has a reggae rap that comes out of nowhere. What's not to love?

ABBA - "SOS"

I can't NOT have ABBA on my playlist. ABBA has been my favorite band ever since I was eight years old. There are two main reasons why I love ABBA:

1. I love most of their music
2. I was obsessed with Benny Andersson

Their music spoke to my "inner gay," for lack of a better description. Whenever I heard their music, I just wanted to dance, even if their music were slow songs -- something about Agnetha and Frida's angelic voices speaking to my soul directly.

"Dancing Queen" is one of my favorite songs, but "SOS" is my number one ABBA song. It's a melodic pop song with depressing lyrics that communicated to me throughout the years. Even though I haven't been involved in any relationships, my straight friends feel that I give them good advice. Perhaps I have to thank ABBA for my unlicensed doctorate in relationship therapy? Or probably because I'm unbiased for not being in relationships?

(What would they say if I told them that I also based my advice on movies and TV shows?)

As far as my Benny Andersson obsession is concerned? That's when I realized that I got attracted towards "bearish" men: men who are husky, chunky, furry, and beardy. Men with dadbods, in short. For the past 30 years, I have discussed bears from Email Lists, Yahoo Groups, and WordPress & Tumblr blogs. It has been therapeutic, and it's my way to get in touch with like-minded "bear admirers."

Bearforce1 - "Bearforce 1"

Now that I have mentioned my Bear Attraction, here is the boy band. No. Man Band. No. Bear Band, Bearforce1, singing their magnum opus, "Bearforce 1."

"Bearforce 1" is a dance mix with various '70s and '80s songs, so they immediately spoke my language. It's an infectious, catchy song scientifically designed to move your booty.

You have to watch the music video to appreciate the song completely. A small part of me is so conservative that I feel that some of the dance moves were "too sexual." Yes, I would be one of "those gays" who would be critical of semi-nude gay men flaunting their oiled bodies and bulges at Pride Parades.

Perhaps I prefer a subdued Pride Parade where people wore grey business suits as they marched down the street without any music playing.

I would still feel that sometimes, but I never go out of my way to speak out against it. But finding a silver lining, as I've become accustomed to, we have this one month in a year. Freaking flaunt it, my family.

Alicia Bridges - "I Love The Nightlife (Disco Round)"

When it comes to disco, ABBA owns the decade. But there are also massive hit-wonders at the time, like Bee-Gees, Gloria Gaynor, and Donna Summer. But since this is my Pride Playlist, I will immediately pick Alicia Bridges.

"I Love The Night Life" might be Alicia's only hit, but what a hit it was (and is!). It's pure female empowerment where she politely (and sarcastically) tells her man:

Please don't talk about love tonight.

Please don't talk about sweet love.

Please don't talk about being true

And all the trouble we've been through.

Ah, please don't talk about all of the plans

We had for fixin' this broken romance.

I want to go where the people dance.

I want some action I want to live!

She does not want to talk about fixin' this broken romance; instead, she wants to go where the people dance. She wants some ACK-SHOWN! She wants to LIVE!

Hells yeah, sister, go tell him. Say "action" in that memorable accent. You just want to live, and to hell with that two-timing slimeball.

Whenever I hear this song, I will dance to it. No. Matter. What.

Kazaky - "Love"

"Love" is a song by Kazaky where you need to watch the music video. It's bold, it's fierce, and it's damn mesmerizing. Watching four impossibly beautiful men dance on high heels is captivatingly dazzling.

I love this song, especially the music video because these men are proud of who they are. Watching this reminds me to be proud of who I am. And this is why this song is critical to be on this list.

Be out. Be proud. And walk on the runway in high heels. (Except I would wear regular shoes.)

Bronski Beat - "Smalltown Boy"

When I first heard "Smalltown Boy," I felt it. Watching the music video on MTV even hit me harder.

I went to a private Catholic school, hid my sexual identity, and even had a girlfriend to complete the deception. Hearing this song now, Jimmy Somerville's opening yell of "cry" cuts even more deeply. As it's a literal cry of agony for not being able to express who he truly was and being a victim of homophobia and physical abuse.

The song is catchy, but the lyrics are harsh to listen to, especially watching it with the music video. Even though he did find acceptance by leaving Scotland to London, it's still sorrowful to think that he had to leave his home.

Still, it ends on a hopeful note as he did escape from people who would harm him for being gay.

Erasure - "Chains Of Love"

This playlist must end with a song that completes this playlist's overall theme:

• Depressing

• Catchy

• Danceable

• Hopeful

• Bears (optional)

"Chains Of Love" ticks all the boxes. It starts with a painful verse:

How can I explain

When there are few words I can choose

How can I explain

When words get broken

I mean, yes. How can you explain if the only few words you can choose to say get broken? The pain in that verse is relatable to every LGBTQ+ person. You want to explain to the world that you are attracted to a specific or group of people; then, the people choose to misunderstand you by judging and hating you.

That's the journey and growth many, if not, all of us go through. But having a month to celebrate our Pride is a good step. And we are so grateful that we have music to heal our battered souls. But it would be wonderful if we didn't need to have a Pride month as we are entirely accepted and understood by the rest of the world.

In the meantime, let's dance and celebrate each other's differences.