Loving a gay soldier

I had just arrived back from five weeks of training exercises and had everything to put away. It was just past 2000 hours, 800pm for you civilian minded people. I received a call from my boyfriend Hans, wanting to talk, but my sergeant told him we weren't available yet. He said to tell him he wanted to see me tomorrow, which was fine with me as it had been five weeks since I last saw him, I couldn't wait. I called him and he said come over the next day when I got off duty and I did.

I had to get a ride to his house as I didn't drive and he didn't live on the train route. I walked up to his door and he kissed me, let me in and we went to his room. I was hoping we could make love that afternoon, but that wasn't on his mind. He sang part of this song to me, told me it was over as he kissed me, then had his parents drive me back to the base. His parents said he isn't ready for a soldier who isn't there and we shouldn't expect that of him. As we arrived at the base his parents got out of the car as did I, then kissed me on the cheek. They said son, I know it's hard for you and him but please respect his decision. I told them I would and asked that they tell him I loved him despite the fact we didn't work out.

My eyes were wet with tears as I reentered the base, then walked over to my unit. One of the men who was gay saw me and asked me what happened, then asked me to his room. He had me lay down and handed me a beer to drink while we discussed our latest training exercises and everything else. He said she broke up with you and I said it wasn't a she, the she was a he. He almost dropped his beer because my gaydar was dead on. He said sorry to hear that, it's hard for us you know. We had sex but for me it wasn't enjoyable for me. My sergeant asked if I was ok and I shook my head no and asked why. He asked didn't you enjoy it with me and he answered his own question by saying, you just broke up and this wasn't on the top of your list. He said I understand and maybe perhaps should have been more supportive, and I smiled and said the sex was good.

It took a while for me to get accustomed to the changes and I never did throw away Han's picture I couldn't bring myself to do it. I called his parents one day and asked if they wanted the photo back and they said I could keep it. I said thank you, then they asked me how I was doing and I replied it was rough going. They said same thing for Hans. I said well I was on my way out, but wanted to see if they wanted the picture. I saw Hans a couple of times after that yes we had sex and it was amazing, but we both knew we were finished.

The next week I received orders to report to southern Germany, the Bavarian region. I called Hans to tell him, he wanted to have little party for me before I left. I was fine with it. A couple of nights before the party, I get raped by my roommates and beaten pretty badly. I called Hans after it happened and his parents picked me up outside the gate and took me to their house. The night of the party Hans' family had bought me a pretty nice German Stein and I loved it. I still have it today and think of Hans often and I wonder if he thinks of me. I have been back to Germany three times since I left in 1981, and I have sought him out two of those times.

I arrived at my new duty station about two week later. I had already found the brothel, not that difficult it was across the street from the train station. I was shown the Red Light District the area to avoid, which had the gay bath houses and video arcades in them. Then I found all of the street vendors with every type of pornographic magazine known to man. I was shocked. I was really surprised and then I saw the base. It was old dingy white, and looked like they came from way back when. Actually these barracks were used during World War One that's how old they were. Wow, I was amazed and impressed that they actually lasted this long. The rooms were just as rundown but we weren't there for comfort, we were there for combat readiness. My last duty station was a completely new unit with new barracks etc. So it was a downgrade to what I had come from.