I think about Sex with Women all the Time

I have written about coming out as bisexual a few times, however, one thing I have not talked about is the fact that I think about sex with women all the time, even when my husband is with me. When I discuss this with others, they think it means I'm unhappy in my marraige. I'm writing this today, because I want to be open about that, and I also want to make clear that no, I am not unhappy, and no I am not a cheat either!

I am really lucky to have a male partner who understands my sexuality and why I think about sex with women all the time. After all my bisexuality does mean that I am sexually attracted to both men and women, and I can love a man or a woman just as equally, even sometimes at the same time. It might be different for others, and many might disagree, but we are all individual with our own levels of attraction. Some are only attracted to the opposite sex, some to the same sex, and some to both. Being married does not stop the attraction, it just means I am settled and happy with my partner, but I am not going to commit myself to an eternity of pain by hiding my attraction to women just because I am married to a man. We both have an open mind, and a trust and understanding off each other on a very deep level, and we 100% understand our own and each others sexual needs.

People still believe in monogamy, and yes that exists for the majority of the population in relationships. However, a relationship is also based on trust and consent. My husband even spoke openly about his deep sexual attraction to other women, and I can truly and understand that because of my own attraction. There have even been times when we have both thought about non-penetrative threesomes with another woman, and we say 'non-penetrative because we do have boundaries. Our sex drives match each other in strength when it comes to women, as does our attraction. We have both openly identified that we are not fully monogamous. However, my husband is only attracted to women, and for me, I am not attracted any other man other than my husband in a sexual way at all, but I am strongly sexually attracted to women, not just mentally or through fantasy, but also physically.

There have been plenty of times when I have thought about having sex with other women, and before I met my husband, I have slept with both women and men. The sexual arousal I get from this is very high, and it is also deeply satisfying on a very high level with both, and yes, I am not ashamed to say it sends my orgasms out off the roof.

I have made it very clear that I am bisexual. Where as some bisexual women can be happy with just one or the other, I, on the other hand can be truly happy settled with a man, but my sexual desires and the feelings I get from wanting women too is very powerful, and sometimes I need the sexual satisfaction of being able to meet my sexual needs with a woman too. I can play them out in fantasy play with my man, and get those mental needs met to a point, but in reality, that does not meet my physical needs, which can leave me extremely frustrated. This does not mean myself and my man would cheat, but it does mean, we can both consensually meet these needs while still respecting our own rules and boundaries within our marraige.

Marraige is based on love, trust and commitment. We have all that in our marraige, and we still have that 21 plus years later. However, when it comes to sex, we both have strong desires that can become frustratingly painful if left unexplored. When desires go unmet in an LGBTQ marraige, it can leave the other partner or both unsatisfied not with each other, but with themselves. It can start to feel like being stuck behind four walls with no escape. It makes me feel like even though I admitted to being bisexual before I got married, that I have to hide beneath the mask of a heterosexual woman which is someone I am not, and it strips both my individuality and sexual identity away.

I know many Bisexual men and women who are in polyamorous relationships where they are enjoying their sexual lives to the full, and each and everyone of them are really happy. Some are having full blown sex with each other, where as some are enjoying erotic intimacy such as just masturbation during sex with the couple. Where as I acknowledge this can happen in heterosexual relationships too, I am talking about the bisexual side of things between men and women, although we would only let this happen with women, because we are happy with that.

Sexuality is a complicated thing. It might be black and white for heterosexual couples, but for a bisexual it is not as black and white. As I said earlier my man is heterosexual with a very strong attraction to women, where as I am bisexual with a very strong attraction to women, and this would remain the same if I was with any other man. When I fall in love with a man, I am satisfied with my sexual desires and needs from a man, however my other side is often felt like it is stuck behind a close door when it comes to women. In other words when I am settled with a man, I do not feel the need to have a sex life with other men, but I do feel the need to have a sex life with other women and explore that side of me to its fullest. I cannot say how this would work if I was settled with a woman, because I have never experienced that yet. However, I can say that having a session of non-penetrative sex involving my male partner and another woman does meet my needs in a very deeply sexually satisfying way because I have done this with a boyfriend and other girlfriends in the past, though there were somethings I went through after that, involving rape that stopped me talking about it and exploring my sex life to its fullest after my last girlfriend died in horrific circumstances, and I have never had a girlfriend since, even though my desires have been strong. I had to have counselling to deal with that.

Society needs to understand that a healthy sex life is only human. What consists of a healthy sex life for one, can be different for another. We all have needs and desires that need to be met in different ways. Having different needs in LGBTQ relationships wether monogamous or polygamous is nothing to be ashamed or afraid of, as long as it is consensual with all parties, and accepted fully by the couple involved. It is time to do away with the stigma which is confided to how sex and relationships have been looked at in the past, and see things differently.

For more of my stories be please visit my link:

https://vocal.media/authors/carol-townend

I also really appreciate hearts and any optional tips are welcome.