How Deconstructing Love Can Be Your Ticket to Happiness

I met him on Grindr. Anyone younger than I am, now that I am 52, I call— “young man.” He is 42.

If I find the guy interesting — I only ask for one photo, and I send a few of mine.

What can someone tell from one picture? Most of the time, not a lot, but it is a start.

I love the conversations I have with men I e-meet online. Yes, e-meet is a word I learned from online dating sites.

After my self-imposed writing challenge, where I stayed in my friend’s home to complete the challenge, it was time to come home to my place.

As soon as I got home, I texted him to come over.

What a surprise.

I am the least fashionable person one will ever meet.

Clothes don't do anything to me except make me decent. Otherwise, I can be naked all the time, that is why when I was writing, another friend noticed it and quipped,

Do you always write naked?

When my online date arrived, he was in all white.

Clothes aren't the first thing I noticed on dates. So I look out for signs, like the first word they say or their demeanor.

But this time, I did notice the clothes.

As soon as he came in, I had second thoughts about this date, but I also knew that there is a reason I met this guy, and I let him stay.

The conversation we had and the sex that came after all but redeemed the guy dressed up in white. As I always tell my dates,

I am easy.

After he left that night, we continued our chat, and I examined my feelings, preferences, and bias.

Deconstructing food.

There are two things that I would try when I eat out, deconstructed food and fusion cuisine.

When it comes to food, I am an explorer, risk-taker and aggressive.

But first, let us define what deconstructed food is and food fusion.

Deconstructed food involves separating the components of a dish and presenting them together.

Food Fusion is a form of cooking that combines contrasting culinary traditions or techniques into a single dish.

A deconstructed cake, as this writer well explains,

It doesn't mean that a deconstructed cake will look like flour, eggs, and milk on separate containers, but could be presented — as a small cake, with pudding, ice cream, and toppings on separate plates.

“deconstructed” means “broken down into the parts that make it.”

Deconstructing food gives the people eating your dish a choice to skip some ingredients but still enjoy what is important to the dish you have deconstructed.

A cake, a cookie but not a burger because you don’t mess up with a burger.

A burger, when deconstructed, will be nothing but a ground beef patty.

Deconstructing love.

We all have our ideals, and I brought this subject to another friend, and it was what this story is all about — Me, confronting my own biases.

It all starts at an attraction when it comes to love, usually about what our eyes can see.

I would always tell men I e-meet of my age, not because most of the time I am told I look young, but because I know age is a big thing to many and I accept that reality, in the same way, some men would like to be with someone who is gym-fit.

I am not young and I am not gym fit.

From the little time we spent together, we love the same things — photography and David.

When he walked in, he immediately saw the statue of David, and he said he has one on his desk too.

I said, I got mine in Florence.

Yes, there are things that I don’t like, the all-white fashion, that he smokes, and that peculiar laughter.

But I have always looked for things in a guy — intelligent, articulate, and good in bed.

“When I deconstructed the guy, I like what he is and not what he is not. ”

If I take the parts separately and deconstruct him — he can be the person I can fall in love with.

I immediately called up a friend who always has a different perspective on men and love.

After I told him, the all-white fashion disturbed me. He goes on to remind me that;

Let us not be fooled by appearances.

Be spontaneous and stay true.

I told my friend, yes, to be “open and being honest.” And I added that I articulated my “observations” to the guy in white.

My friend added;

Ideals are our guides to making the right choices but we need to be sensitive to whether our standards are serving us well or throwing us into the dungeon.

“ I ended my conversation with my friend, that maybe we need to deconstruct love.”

But my friend has the last word;

Deconstructing your constructs is more like it.

Keep an open mind so you can fully experience the fullness of love.

It is easy to love someone when it fits your ideal, and even it isn't romantic love, it is easy to love someone easy to love.

But love, like life, ain't easy, and while at times we prefer the usual, we miss the opportunity to allow our taste palate to discover new experiences if we keep on eating the same food and the way we expect it to taste.

The same goes with love because love is more nuanced, the men that will come into our lives will never be the man of our dreams, and by deconstructing love, we discover that we can love more freely, and as my friend said,

“experience the fullness of love.”

The thought of it is already making me want to call the guy in white again and enjoy him to my heart’s content.