Casual Encounters

Let’s talk about consensual gay sex. I’m not talking about sexual education. I’m talking about how it happened for me and the dangers I’ve learned from it. To explore this, I’ll start from the beginning.

I first started exploring the world of sex at 17. I was at the 2018 Indy Pride Parade, with my neighbor. As a young teen, this was not my first, but my third pride parade. I was a junior in high school. I had all kinds of crushes and high hopes. I admired every beautiful hunk of man meat I saw.

I’d always been strange. I always admired the beauty of men of all ages, but I always looked at where those would call “forbidden territory”. I had always had a crush on the guys who were out of my league. Not too hot, or too popular. No, I found attraction amongst all of my peers, but mostly I found attraction towards mature men. Twenty-one plus, if you would.

My first ever crush after realizing I was gay wasn’t any of my peers. I had a crush on my teacher. I won’t give any names, or even classes they taught. But my first ever crush was way back in grade school. I talked to him every day I could, as much as time allowed. Hell, at first he wasn’t even my teacher and I went out of my way to talk to him. I admired him wholeheartedly.

But one day, something happened. The day of, I was amazed. We were taking a computer test, and we needed the teachers to type in the administrative password. So, I raised my hand after opening the site, so I could have it typed in. He came over, and walked up to my desk. I was about to get up from my seat, but he put his hand on my shoulder.

“Don’t worry. You can stay in your chair. I’ll just type it in.”

And so I sat back down. But then the next part. He leaned over and put his chest on my back. I could feel his breathing, and even feel his arm hair on my arms. I felt my heartbeat racing, and my breathing become a bit ragged, and my temperature rise. I was glad my back was to him. It felt almost sexual. He then typed his password, as I felt his warm breath, and his breathing on my back. It felt exhilarating.

But looking back, I later told my friends in high school. According to them, what had happened was sexual assault. It was unfortunate to have happened to me.

I was back at the Indy Pride Parade now, over five years from then. It was exciting and fun. I bought rainbow macrons. My neighbor even helped me get into a bar, so long as I wouldn’t drink. No one in there believed I was 18. I won’t say I didn’t try to flirt. Who wouldn’t? It was the best scene I’d ever imagined: a bar full of beautiful men, bears and otters I love so much. Unfortunately I left my macrons at a table and a few drunkards ate both packs I’d bought.

Later on it started raining, so we went home. Drunk, my neighbor recommended I download Grindr. So I did, and I lied about my age.

A few nights later I began talking to a 19 year-old man. We hit it up and had a great conversation. So, he asked me to visit a convention. I obliged, and took an Uber there. Once we were there, we met up. Then he guided me up to his room. We got nude, and for the first time in my life, I was experiencing a sexual encounter. Mind you, this was new to me. I had only started masturbating about a month before that.

So, he asked me to bottom during anal. It was my first time. He slowly I inserted his hard penis into my anus, and I was soon in pain.

“It hurts,” I told him.

“Don’t worry,” he said, “it always hurts a bit.”

So I quieted down. Eventually I hurt too much so I asked him to stop. I left back for home, but it was the worst experience ever. I would later learn that this experience was rape. I told my new boyfriend about the experience later.

We had started dating later after I had turned 18. We met on Grindr. We had waited several months to meet, but finally met at Indy Pride 2019. I finally had my license. We hung out with his friends.

When I told him about it, he hugged me and we were both crying. I was surprised to know the truth at first, but it struck me.

And after him, that wasn’t my first or last bad ex. But at least this story has a happy ending. In 2021 I had broken up with my ex and was getting over him when I met my new boyfriend. We met over Scruff, a big app for gay men. He lived 500 ways, but I was willing to drive all the way there.

And that’s what counts in the end. Knowing when someone or something will come along and be the best decision you ever make. Sometimes you don’t have to trust that person yet. But there are moments that can change your life for the better.

Now, don’t get me wrong, we argue every now and then. But as Walter the Lovebug would say, from Big Mouth: “Can you feel the love?” And that’s what counts! Now we’ve been together almost five months, and I’ll never regret this decision. Sometimes you’ve gotta power through the ugly to get to the good part. You know what sucks about real life? There’s a pot of gold, but a rainbow won’t always lead you there. But you still have to know that you should always keep fighting. Love is not the time you’ve loved for, but the quality of it. We said I love you in our first week, and moved in too. Sometimes destiny calls and you have to grab that train. Love is love. And that’s what this story is all about. It’s about the right kinds of love to receive. And I believe everyone deserves that.