A COUPLE MISFORTUNES

That night I could not catch any sleep. Instead, I kept rolling in between the white sheets that he had bought us while in our first apartment, having doubts of whatever the heavens had in store for me.

Every time I stretched my hand to feel him, I would be met with nothing but a void, reminding me I was the only one in bed and that’s when I would ask God for a miracle although I was not much of a believer.

The truth is I missed his kisses, touches and the cuddles. This night was scarier than the one I had come out to my parents for sure. I felt like a lonely wolf.

It had all started a couple of weeks when I came back from work only to be greeted with an almost empty apartment. I thought maybe he was trying to play some of these YouTube pranks that couples normally do but I was wrong.

The list of bills on the coffee table proved to me it wasn’t a prank at all, real things were happening. Mark you, these are the bills we had agreed upon to share at the start of our relationship.

In that moment I felt a kaleidoscope of a million thoughts which prompted me to do what I always did when I felt stressed, prepare myself a cup of coffee.

But before I could even start, I realized it wouldn’t be possible because the coffee maker was nowhere to be found plus, the cupboards and drawers were all empty.

This made me question which other things he might have taken so I made a bee line for the bedroom in a pensive mood only to find nothing in my closet, including my underwear.

With bills to pay, a broken heart and an empty apartment, the panic attacks set in, which later were followed by tears. I couldn’t believe this was happening to me. I felt betrayed and crucified if am to say.

I could now feel like I was a bunch of damaged goods, with no price tag and therefore completely non valuable.

I wanted to call family and friends to tell them what was happening but I couldn’t bring myself to do so for they had warned me prior to dating him.

I remember telling them that they were just jealous, pulling out a line similar to one of a Taylor Swift song, the way I loved you.

Now here I was, so helpless like a new born baby, with my heart bleeding endlessly. He had told me he didn’t have family, that I was his only family. Right now, I was wondering why he would leave that one family.

He had promised to marry me one day and that we would have children in our little modern family.

He had promised to fly me around the world, to see all its seven wonders but I realize now,they were all empty promises.

He had left without telling me it was over, leaving me to figure it all out by myself. He had made me believe in fairytales but right now I wasn’t sure why he would leave his prince charming behind and alone.

Right now, I am on my journey of healing. I am on a journey of self discovery. A journey of finding forgiveness and letting go.

I know that right now, all that I have are wounds that are bleeding but one day they will fade away, leaving me beautiful scars.

But if was gay love always meant to be hard to find and keep? Because if it so, it is such a misfortune.