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5 Things You Should Keep in Mind Before Going Out with a Lesbian

Dating Tips and Advice

By Nicole Higginbotham-HoguePublished 2 years ago 4 min read
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5 Things You Should Keep in Mind Before Going Out with a Lesbian
Photo by Abo Ngalonkulu on Unsplash

So, she asked you out or vice versa? Now, the exciting part happens. You two get to go on your very first date. You will have time to get to know each other and see if you mesh. But what are the rules? What will make everything flow more smoothly?

Here are some tips:

1. Don’t judge her based on her appearance.

Just because your date looks butch or feminine, doesn’t mean that she is. You can’t assume that she is going to take over a traditional role like footing the bill or leading the conversation just because of how she looks. Gender like sexuality can be fluid, so it is better to feel out the situation first and see what the other person is comfortable with. Sometimes, a person may look a certain way and act a completely different way. Therefore, it is important to go with the flow.

2. Don’t act too needy.

Being that this is the first time that the two of you are going on a date, it is important not to rely on stories of how lonely you are or how you just need someone in your life. It is better for a new partner to know that you are capable of being happy and independent because if the relationship does go further, she will know that you can stand on your own two feet. Don’t rely on a new relationship to make you happy. Make sure that you are happy with yourself and your situation first because you aren’t replacing your current life with a new one. Instead, you are adding a new person to your current life.

3. Find out if your date has come out to her family and friends.

Don’t assume that just because a woman agreed to go on a date with you that everyone in her life knows her sexual orientation. Find out if she has come out to her loved ones. That way, you know if the two of you may be dealing with that situation down the road. It is always better to know if you two can be yourselves in every situation than to find out later and have to deal with pretending you are something that you are not to her.

Also, if she hasn’t come out yet, make sure that you are prepared to deal with that situation. You are going to have to be patient, and you can’t just pressure her to tell the people in her life who she is. If you are going to go out with someone that is still in the closet, it is best that you are supportive and able to wait for her to decide that it is the right time to come out. This can be difficult at times, so be prepared.

4. Listen to how she talks about her family and friends.

If you two do go the distance, it is likely that you will be spending a lot of time with her family and friends, so make sure that these are people that you want in your life as well. This may seem crass, but if her friends and family don’t like you, then there are bound to be issues in the relationship.

Also, by listening to her talk about her loved ones, you may be able to learn more about her personality. Is she the compassionate person that cares for her grandmother? Is she the spoiled child that always gets what she wants from her parents? Or is she the loyal friend that sticks with her comrades until the end? It is likely that the traits that she has in the relationships with her family and friends will be traits that you see in your future relationship, so make sure that you see good things instead of red flags.

5. Find out what her goals, morals, and values are.

Make sure that the two of you are aligned in your future goals and the things that matter to you. The whole future in ahead of you, so if your career goals put you in two different cities, make sure you can handle that. If you don’t value the same things, you may argue a lot and not get what you want out of the relationship, and if you have two many conflicting beliefs, the situation may not work.

Think long-term. Make sure that this woman embraces the same values that you do, and make sure that your goals are both obtainable if you pursue a relationship. Remember that just because you are in a relationship, doesn’t mean that you have to lose your independence or individuality. Therefore, if you give up who you are for a relationship, you may grow resentful.

These are just a few tips to help you with the first date. Though some of these subjects may seem deep, in the long run knowing the answers may help you out. You don’t want to accidentally fall into a relationship that you feel trapped in. You want to find one that works with your life and a person that respects who you are.

Relationships
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About the Creator

Nicole Higginbotham-Hogue

Nicole Higginbotham-Hogue is a lesfic author at amzn.to/36DFT2x. Sign-up for her newsletter at higginbothampublications.com

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