Stupid Stoner Fails

by Bethany Tiamat 2 years ago in satire / list

The best stupid stoner fails will leave you in a state of disbelief that any human being could possibly do something this stupid.

Stupid Stoner Fails

When going down the list of the funniest stupid stoner fails, you find a few reoccurring patterns. People usually expose themselves to the law by being idiots or doing something incredibly immoral. They paint weed-hued targets on their heads just by ignoring things like common sense.

If you are a stoner, prepare to cringe. If you're a straight laced individual who never touches weed, prepare to cringe. Really, just get ready to cringe.

The best stupid stoner fails will leave you in a state of disbelief that any human being could possibly do something this stupid.

Why Would You Call the Police, You Stupid-Head?

There are many alternatives to calling the police when you lock yourself out of your car. There are car services, locksmiths – and all of them won't arrest you for having marijuana on your person. Really, just calling the police with marijuana on your person is an unwise decision.

But one 20 year-old named Carolina did not think that way. When she was locked out of her car, she called the cops. When they helped her out, they arrested her on the spot for marijuana possession – oh, and she also had an outstanding warrant for skipping a court date.

Lady, what the hell is wrong with you? Don't know you it's stupid to skip court dates? Of all the reasons to get arrested, that's why? Of all the stupid stoner fails out there, this has got to be one of the stupidest.

Dog Outs Stoner to the Cops

When Joel Dobrin was for a drive with his dog, he didn't expect to be pulled over by a police officer. He had some weed stuffed in a sock, and needed to make sure the cops didn't spot it. So, as the police officer pulled him over and approached the car, Joel tried to shove his sock of weed away...

But Joel didn't expect his dog, seeing the sock, to start tugging at it. The two struggled for a bit, only for the sock to spring from both of their grasps, and land outside the car. The cop saw it.

To be fair, Joel isn't entirely at fault. His dog exposed him. It's unfair to call this one of the best stupid stoner fails – but, at the same time, it is pretty funny, considering the officer didn't suspect anything until the marijuana sock landed in front of him.

Oh well.

Please Use the Internet

There are numerous consequences to weed possession, which vary from state to state. Most of this information can be safely found on the internet, online, or just somewhere. Anywhere, really.

But Robert Michelson of Connecticut must not have had access to the world-wide-web, so, when growing marijuana in his own house, he decided to ask the police department how much jail time he would get for growing the plants.

Finding this more than a little suspicious, the police payed Michelson a visit, found that he was indeed growing marijuana, and arrested him. Stupid stoner fails could not be more avoidable than this stupidity.

The World's Worst Smugglers

When smuggling your illegal substances, subtlety is pretty important. Painting the words "We Haz Weedz Here!" is terrible if you're trying to be subtle or communicate in the tongue we call English.

But these smugglers? Didn't do anything dumb like that. Didn't purposely incriminate themselves. They had 2.5 million dollars worth of weed in a truck, and got pretty far along until an officer pulled them over.

No, he didn't suspect anything of the car. He just wanted to tell them that their trailer tags were expired. That sounds like the event that kicked off the events in Fargo, only, rather than leading to a great thriller movie, this resulted in the stupid weed dealers getting arrested.

Some Parents Should Get a License First...

When footage of a two-year-old smoking a weed pipe leaked online, a whole new level of humanity's collective stupidity was exposed. Sure, there are stupid stoner fails that are dumb, but this?

Let's break this down a bit. Parents filmed their two-year-old child sucking on the end of a weed pipe – which had weed in it. That's pretty stupid, but what's even stupider is that they did not delete that footage immediately, much less let it go viral on the internet.

Oh, and then there's that little detail of giving your two-year-old a weed pipe to play with. Why would you do that? That's not just a stupid stoner fail. That's just awful parenting.

Naturally, the parents were arrested, and the child, presumably, was forced to drop his weed smoking habits.

What Not to Do When You Fail a Drug Test

When a medical clinic found cocaine in Jeffrey Hoydic's system, they had ever reason to report the failed test to Hoydic's place of work. The female nurse working on Hoydic informed him that he had failed the drug test while the information reached the appropriate channels.

But Jeffrey, already caught for doing cocaine, figured that the only solution to his drug problem was more drugs.

And so, Jeffrey was arrested after attempting to bribe the attending nurse with marijuana.

Only a special kind of stoner would ever think this method could possibly work. Of all the stupid stoners out there, this one is by far one of the stupidest. Any list of the best stupid stoner fails is incomplete without a person using weed to patch up an already stupid mistake.

Surprising Stoner Fail in Surprise, Arizona

Surprise, Arizona was the epicenter to a surprising, stupid stoner fail. The kind that is too stupid to possibly make up.

A 35-year-old man was using his 16-year-old son to deal marijuana to the neighborhood. To this man's surprise, a 14-year-old took weed without paying, leading to the 35-year-old chasing the child less than half his age down, pounding on the kid's family's door demanding that the child pay for the marijuana he took.

Police saw the raving man, and, surprised, tried to figure out what was wrong. The man literally shouted the whole story out to the surprised officers of the Surprise Police Department. Back at the man's home, the officers found an additional two bags full of marijuana waiting to be sold.

To no one's surprise, the man was arrested.

This is Karma

Back in 2011, Rep. Robert Watson of Rhode Island was on top of the world. Republican House Minority Leader, Robert Watson was controversial for making several homophobic statements. He tried to present himself as a moral man, who, despite making incredibly prejudice and hateful comments, was a figure of moral standards.

So everyone was shocked when Watson arrived in a police checkpoint blazed off his rocker. Stoned behind the wheel. Yes, great moral behavior there, Mr. Minority Leader. Way to embody those family values.

He was arrested for driving under the influence. Not only karmic, but one of the most satisfying stupid stoner fails in recorded history.

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Bethany Tiamat

I love three things: books with yellowed pages, long walks on beaches with my german shepard Dany, and dishes incorporating fried onions.

See all posts by Bethany Tiamat