Years ago only a small clique of degenerates smoked marijuana. Now smoke rises from all segments of society. Once the exclusive delight of musicians and lower criminal classes, marijuana is now enjoyed by everyone and their mother. Seriously, ask your mother if she smokes weed, you might be surprised.
New weed smokers find themselves confronted with an elaborate body of rules and regulations within our own circles which, confusing as they are, form a significant part of this subculture. Until educated, the sensitive newcomer faces the possible embarrassment of being regarded as an amateur or noob, so to speak. As we move downward on the social ladder to success, we find certain behaviors to rules of weed etiquette. Follow these rules to calm your nerves before your next smoke session.
Who rolls the weed is a matter of great social importance. In the late 50s and early 60s, it was usually the male who rolled the joint, but today, in the modern age, more and more women are assuming the roll. There is no sexism in weed etiquette, a woman can role just as well as a man, so today you may find either leading this ritual.
Politically, this reflects the basic class system and pecking order within the larger society. Those individuals who do not own the product, or who have no papers, seldom find themselves in the position of roller. It differs from the usual class system in that it is possible to rise through sheer expertise. Whoever rolls the best joints is the one who should be rolling, simple as that.
Do guests have to roll their own?
Ideally, no assistance with service would be required from a guest, since the joints will have been carefully rolled beforehand by the thoughtful host. If someone has offered to smoke you out, it's common practice for the person with the weed to do the rolling. The arriving guest has not been able to get loaded since he or she left wherever he or she is coming from. But, by this time the host and hostess are so loaded that they’ve forgotten anybody was coming over, so it is inevitable that the joint must be rolled in front of the guests. In this somewhat embarrassing situation (even more embarrassing if all the bud has been consumed), it is best for the host to begin to roll in a gracious, but unhurried, manner.
Certain guests, however, may only be truly at ease when rolling. The sensitive host/hostess will know these individuals and happily provide all the necessary materials.
Pass Like a Pro
There are two essential elements in the expertise and etiquette of passing. One aspect centers around the proper passing of the joint, while the second concerns itself with the passing to the recipient. First let us examine passing the joint itself.
The Passing Phase
If things were truly arranged in a circle, with everyone smoking, you would merely pass the weed to the person on your right. The problem begins when members of the circle must rise to receive or the aforementioned weed. The person with the joint must make these considerations before deciding whether or not to get up:
- Can they get up?
- Is there enough left of the joint to make it worthwhile?
- What's worthwhile?
As the stuff burns down to a roach, attempt to get rid of it just before it passes the point of diminishing returns, leaving it for someone else to make the decision: "Is this cashed?” or, “At what point will my fingers blister so I drop it and make an ass of myself?" Many people, finding themselves with a burning roach, simply throw it on the ground and stomp it out, but this is considered in poor taste and dangerous, no matter how you felt about the weed itself. It is much better to simply spit on the roach and wad it up to dispose of at your later convenience. It will soon become apparent how much spit to apply.
Faking A Pass
Occasionally you will run into the situation of someone "faking a pass." In other words, someone will pretend to smoke while in reality he is only making smoking gestures. You might feel the urge to fake a pass if you are smoking in a new circle and want to impress your friends. My advice is to avoid this. If you're feeling good enough already, kindly pass the weed to the next person in the circle. Knowing you're limit is respectable, and nothing to be ashamed of.
Bogarting: A Delicate Moment
Frequently one encounters the bogart. This person usually comes by just in time for a hit. Possessing an almost psychic talent for arriving in the nick of time, their entrance is usually full of drama and bursting with stimulating vignettes. As the joint is being passed around, you will realize that you haven't had a hit during the last six or seven stories. At this point you should— without interrupting the story—reach out in a casual manner and pluck the joint from their hand. This will be difficult, as by this time they are probably gesturing even more wildly than when he came in. Grabbing their arm is to be avoided if possible, as is screaming at them to “hand it over."
Know Your Strains
In modern times no individual should be ignorant of all the fine points of vintage, temperament and origin of the marijuana on their table. In the best of homes a proper stash is kept and tended, each precious joint appropriate to circumstances. It is considered tacky to wrap a high quality grade of weed in cherry flavored rolling paper. Such accessories will only destroy its taste and hide the details of its lineage from interested guests.
With fine grades of weed like Sour Diesel or Trainwreck, it is not necessary or advisable to break up the weed at all, but rather to bring out the whole stick or bag so all can appreciate its appearance. Never degrade your weed by prefacing your offer with, "It's only Regs, I usually use it for cooking."
Whether exotic or domestic, the thoughtful host can make even the simplest grade of weed into a unique and pleasurable experience.
Be Careful Edibles
On occasion you may be offered small cakes or cookies, spaghetti, banana bread, or other munchies. It is not always easy to tell what you are ingesting. Depending on the origin of the particular bud-Lebanon, Afghanistan, Colombia, Vietnam, Thailand-you may end up being a guest for at least another day. To determine whether or not your cakes or brownies are loaded, wait about one to two hours. Do not impolitely mention your quandary of your host, they have probably forgotten anyway.
Spilling Someone's Stash
Often one of the side effects of marijuana is a slight loss of balance. For those of us who are naturally lithe and graceful, this slight modification will be no problem, but we all know those individuals who, while personable and entertaining, are just plain clumsy. Inevitably during the course of the evening such persons will spill your weed. The sight of marijuana spread over a carpet is not pretty, and only the most insensitive and boorish person would find it amusing. It is the responsibility of everyone involved to block off the area and begin removing the precious material from the carpet, except, of course, the klutz who spilled it. He is probably incapable at this point of distinguishing the carpet from the grass anyway.
After gathering the substance, pick out all bits of unwanted debris and place the weed somewhere else where it will be unlikely to be stepped in again. Or, if in a baggie, make it as difficult as possible to pick up the wrong end. Shrieking at the person who has spilled the weed is both in poor taste and ineffective as the spiller will only become more nervous and even more awkward.
Rethink the Field Trip
Traveling while high is broadening if you undertake it with an open mind and a receptive heart, but generally after smoking up it is a good idea to sit down. It is a bad idea to go to the store to pick up the milk you forgot— you may never make it back home. If you do get back to the house, you will likely find your friends incoherent. It is in poor taste to mimic your handicapped friends' efforts at speech. Your friends may be suggestible, so telling them that they are unlikely ever to come down is out of order, even if you think it. If they ask you, "What's going on?" tell them as succinctly as possible that you have no idea. These maniacs should not be left alone. If you are leading the house, remember:
- Clothes are worn out of the house, even in warm weather.
- Crossing streets should be done when no cars are coming.
- Everyone is not your friend.
Following these simple rules, an outing can be both fun and safe. But since it is not only difficult to remember the rules, but also difficult to remember why they should be followed, it is best to employ the services of a guide, or DD.
Your stash is, in many ways, similar to your money. A clear understanding of another's right to 'advance themselves a loan' should be worked out. It is also possible that keeping one's 'blank checks' out of sight will help reduce the temptation others may feel. In other words, don't leave your weed hanging around for others to use as their own. But, we warn those that have, to remember they too may be reduced to the position of have not. One of the most brutal experiences a household must face is that of a weed shortage. The rudimentary 'joint checking account' consists of a few clandestine stash points around the house or apartment to which nervous members may run to check to see that yes, thank God, there are still joints left. The weed, however, should never be stashed when you are stoned as you are not likely to find it again unless you move. Try to agree with your housemates on the 'minimum balance' to be maintained. But remember that this technique rarely lasts more than a couple of days.
Find a Trusted Source
Nothing is so personally demoralizing as trying to roll a joint entirely from seeds and twigs. If the twigs have already been boiled and reboiled for tea, the next step is to vacuum one's floor, and when this proves fruitless, vacuum the floors of one's roommates. Proper attention to stash maintenance can prevent this plight before it happens. When it is time to restock only the careful employment of proper scoring procedures will do. Perhaps the most important rule to follow is to know your dealer. If you do not know a reputable source in your neighborhood, wait until you do. Buying tried and tested brands is also a good rule, but keep in mind that truth in labeling in the smoking subculture parallels that of the society at large. If you're lucky enough to live in a state with legalization, you can skip this step. Find a well regarded dispensary and you're bound to find good bud.
If commissioning a friend or roommate with the purchase, remember that the person should be shrewd, responsible, socially adaptable, and above all, possess an enormous amount of stamina in the field.
We have all at one time or another encountered the story of the potential weed buyer who after being sent on his errand returned three days later with only vague recollections of the first days: Visiting all those friends who he had not seen since the last weed crisis, getting more and more stoned with each successive encounter and ending up calling collect from Disneyland frantically requesting someone to wire him the bus fare home. This story is not true. Your roommate can not even get into Disneyland.
When scoring weed it is a good idea to allow one day's wait per lid. Therefore, if you are buying a pound, plan on sitting around for a couple of weeks before, as well as after, the purchase. The purchase of good weed can not be rushed and the prospect of 'waiting to be filled' can bring roomies closer together. But as Werner Erherdt says, "The important thing is to get it.".
Getting Down to Business
Consideration and good manners are as important for the dealer as for the consumer. Young men and women who contemplate beginning a small business must consider more than technical factors if they wish to get ahead. Sheer expertise, no matter how vital, is no substitute for good business etiquette. They must learn how to dress, how to conduct themselves at home and on the street corner, as well as how to communicate their business needs to others in concise, well-chosen and coded language. Pity the young business person with no knowledge of business etiquette, for the cost of not knowing the rules is high in both time and money.
In a personal service organization an executive should answer his or her own phone, if at all possible. Many a connection has been blown by some roommate or visitor being too stoned to take a message. It requires a great deal of sensitivity to know when to say, “May I ask who's calling?”.
As far as giving references to others as to where to find or buy over text messages, which believe it or not cannot always be erased, the answer is simple. Don't.