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How To Buy Your First Bong

Longtime smokers reveal how to buy your first bong without wasting money.

By Skunk UzekiPublished 7 years ago 5 min read

Most potheads remember the first bong they ever had or smoked from. It's often a bong that one of their friends managed to buy from a head shop without their parents noticing. It may have been a hand-me-down from an older brother, or maybe just a "communal bong" that everyone in the frathouse used.

Those bongs are cherished memories, but let's just face it, they aren't your first bong. In many cases, your first bong is one that just kind of ends up in your room after sneaking it around campus, carefully bringing it home, or some other crazy teenaged caper.

But, those bongs aren't really your first bong, are they? No, your first bong comes when you have enough money to splurge - and have a place you can smoke that doesn't involve parents or campus police finding out.

It's kind of hard to believe how many guides exist on the topic of how to buy your first bong. For many people - primarily those who aren't interested in weed - bongs are bongs. They're all the same, right? Not quite. Your first bong is a luxury that should give you a wonderful smoke every single time.

There are a million bong shops out there, and a bajillion bongs you can choose from. It's overwhelming. Here's how to buy your first bong - a bong that's right for you.

Think about your future bong's environment.

Every pothead has a different lifestyle. Some potheads are childfree and live in highly elegant homes, surrounded by fragile stuff. Others are wild party animals that tend to have people they don't even know walk in and out of their houses. Even more are parents who have young kids at home.

Every person will have a certain environment that they will need to consider when they buy a bong. Most guides that talk about how to buy your first bong don't emphasize this as much as they should - and that's criminal.

Before you even start thinking about designs, chambers, bong water, or anything along those lines, think about the kind of lifestyle you live. In fact, you might want to ask yourself these questions:

  • Do I live a lifestyle that would likely involve someone taking my bong? Let's face it, if you live in a traphouse or with a bunch of party animals, this could happen. So, you might want one that's cheaper.
  • Do I have pets, kids, or clumsy roommates? If so, you might want a bong that's a bit sturdier in build. Or, at least, a bong that is easy to replace.
  • Will I have to empty it and store it frequently? If so, you might want an easy to clean bong that comes with its own case.
  • Am I using it at home, or on the go? This may impact the size of the bong, the make of the bong, as well as the sturdiness of the bong you're buying.

Thing about your lung capacity.

One of the best tips you'll ever find on how to buy your first bong is to actually think about yourself. Do you have a large lung capacity? Do you have a smaller sized mouth?

Bigger isn't always better when it comes to bong pipes. If you get one that has too many percs, is too tall, or has a very wide mouthpiece, you won't get to enjoy a good smoke. You might end up with a lot of stale weed smoke, or you might not actually get to inhale as well as you could.

What we're saying is that size matters - a lot. A bong that would be great for a 6 foot tall opera singer would be bad for a 5 foot tall person with asthma.

It's a wise decision to choose to buy a bong in person for this reason. Do you feel comfortable holding it? Does it seem a bit big for you? Only you will be able to figure that out.

Also think about sturdiness and material.

One thing that most newbie smokers won't tell you is about how to choose a sturdy bong. Thankfully, almost every article you'll read about how to buy your first bong will clue you in - including this one right here.

If you're looking for a super sturdy bong, you may want a thicker "art ceramic" bong, a plastic bong, or a bamboo bong.

Thicker glass bongs are also an option, and chances are that you know all the benefits of a glass bong. They don't dilute flavor, can have a ton of add-ons, and are generally the standard. Glass bongs can be very simple or very elaborate - and because there are so many options, you can definitely find one that suits you.

Ceramic bongs can be either very sturdy, or very fragile depending on their build. They are known for being very unique in their shapes and decor, which make them a favorite among people who want to make a statement. That being said, you can't see the bong water in most ceramic bongs - and that can make it a bad buy for some.

It's worth noting that plastic bongs might dilute the flavor of the weed, so they aren't too popular. But, they are good for travel, are easy to use, and are generally simple.

Bamboo bongs are gorgeous, simple, and sturdy. However, you can't see the bong water in bamboo bongs. Bamboo bongs may have to be replaced if you let them sit too long, though.

A word of advice – bigger and more complex bongs tend to break more easily, especially if they're made of glass.

Complexity is an issue.

If you're a newbie to smoking weed, or if you're just looking for a low maintenance bong, then by all means, stick to a simple bong. Chances are that you don't want bong maintenance to become a chore - and a simple, easy to clean bong is the way to go.

However, if you're a fan of percs, ice trays, and all sorts of different chambers, by all means, get a more complex bong. Generally speaking, the more experienced a potsmoker you are, the more you probably already know about the kind of bong you'd want to buy.

If you've smoked out of a ton of different bongs, you already know how to buy your first bong – at least, in terms of complexity. This is because you already know what kind of bongs you like, how much work it'd take to maintain them, and what you'd need to do with each part.

If you haven't smoked from a lot of pieces yet, you might want to do so before you buy your first bong. This will allow you to figure out what you really want in a piece.

Lastly, keep it affordable.

Cost will always be an issue - whether we like to admit it or not. Yes, we all would want to have a bong that looks like it came out of a rap video, but that's not always doable. We all have rent to pay, and we also all have a set budget.

Though many people who advise newbies on how to buy bongs may disagree, being a frugal buyer isn't bad in the least bit. Some places and brands just overcharge. Moreover, a high price tag doesn't guarantee a good smoke.

That being said, you can get some pretty amazing bongs for cheap. As long as you take your time during the bong buying process, you'll find one which gives you amazing hits and a smoking experience you'll adore.

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About the Creator

Skunk Uzeki

Skunk Uzeki is an androgynous pothead and a hard partier. When they aren't drinking and causing trouble, they're writing articles about the fun times they have.

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