How to Ask for Weed in Foreign Languages

"Getting there is half the fun," is a philosophy that never gets old. For today's potheads traveling to distant destinations for vacation, the other half is getting high once you've gotten there. But getting off on that huge chunk of red Lebanese hashish you just copped in the Beirut bazaar won't be half as easy as back home if you can't summon up the correct words to ask one of the locals for a pipe in which to incinerate your pungent purchase. Learning how to ask for weed in foreign languages should be one of the first things you do once you book your next vacation.

Don't bother dredging up that worn-out foreign-phrases manual. Such publications don't take into consideration that of the 50 million regular pot-smokers in America today, more than a handful manage to somehow save up enough to afford an occasional excursion to Europe or go south of the border. One of the most commonly frustrating drawbacks to vacationing in a foreign land can be the inability to verbally communicate certain phrases elementary to drug consumption.

This handy guide will help you learn how to ask for weed in foreign languages (including phonetic pronunciation keys). The guide is designed to save you the embarrassment of looking like just another run-of-the-mill American drug-tourist, and to reward you with scads of glittering opportunities to become the “life of the party.” Make your next of trip over the border that stoned-out vacation it should be instead of a dismal rerun of Midnight Express.

English

• Where's the weed?
• How much does the bag weigh?
• Where's the roach clip?
• Do you have any rolling papers?
• Who rolled this joint?
• It's not my weed, officer!
• Where's that joint?
• Do you have a pipe?
• I'm a wild and crazy North American tourist.

German

• Wo ist das Shit? (voe ist das shit?)
• Wieviel viegt dieser Beutel? (vee-feel veekt dee-zair boy-tle?)
• Wo ist die Klammer für den Zigarettestummel? (voe ist dee clammer feuer dain zigarette-shtoomel?)
• Hast du einige Zigarettepapiere? (hast due ein-i-gay zigarette-papear-ray?)
• Wer hat diese Zigarette gerollt? (vear hot dee-zeh zigarette gerolt?)
• Das ist gar nicht mein Shit, Herr Polizist. (das ist gar nee-chht mine sheet, hair polit-cist.)
• Wo ist die Shitzigarette? (voe ist dee shit-zigarette?)
• Hast du eine Hashhishpfeife? (hast due ein-a hashhish-fife-fey?)
• Ich bin ein verrückter und abenteurlicher amerikanischer Tourist. (eech been ine fear-ikt-ter amerikana-shir tour-eest.)

French

• Ou sont les drogues? (oo sawn lay drohg?)
• Le sac combien pese-t-il? (ler sahk kawn-bee-EHN pez-TEEL?)
• Où est le clip? (oo eh leh kleep?)
• Avec-vous des papiers? (AH-vay-voo day PAH-pee-ay?)
• Qui a roulé ce joint? (kee ah roo-LA Y seh zh.wen?)
• Les drogues n’est pas a moi, gendarme. (lay drohgs neh pah ah mwah, zhahn-dahrm.)
• Où se trouve ce joint-là? (oo ser troov seh zhuyen-lah?)
• Avec-vous une pipe d'hashish? (ah-vay vooz ewn peep dah-SHEESH?)
• Je suis un tourist American sauvage et togué. (zher swee-zang too-reest Ah-ehr-ee-KAN sew- o VAJ eh toh-KAY.)

Spanish

• ¿Dónde está la mota? (DOAN-day ay-STA lah MO-tah?)
• ¿Cuánto pesa la bolsa? (KWAHN-toh pay-sa lah BOL-sah?)
• ¿Dónde está la colilla? (DOAN-day ay-STA lah ko-EEyah?)
• ¿Tiene papelillos? (tee-AY-nay pah-pa-EF-yos?)
• ¿Quién va a hacer este cacho? (kee-AYN vah ah ah-SER AYstah KA-choh?)
• ¡No es mi yerba, oficial! (no es me YEAR-bah, o-fiss-i-AL!)
• ¿Dónde está el pito? (DOAN-day ay-STAH el PEEtoh?)
• ¿Tiene una pipa de hashish? (tee-AY-nay oo-nah PEE-pa day hashish?)
• Yo soy un turista gringo y loco del Norte Americano. (yoh soy oon too-REES-tah GREEN-go lo-co del Norte Americano.)

Arabic

• Wein el hashish? (uvayn el ha-sheesh?)
• Kam el waz-in? (kam el wah-zeen?)
• Wein el bizz el cigara? (uayn el beez el see-GAH-ra?)
• Andak wara cigara? (ann-dahk WAH-ra see-GAH-ra?)
• Mein laff el bida-ah? (meen lahfel bee-dah-ah?)
• Moosh bida-ati! (moosh bee dah-OH-tee!)
• Wein el bida? (uvayn el bee-dah?)
• Fi andak galioon bida? (fee ann-dahk geh-lee-OON bee-dah?)
• Ana majnoon alel Americani Kon. (ah-na madg-noon ah-lehl ah-mehr-ih-kohn-ee bahn.)

Russian

• Gdie nakhoditsia khoroshii kaif? (good-yay na-CHO-dit-see-ya cho-ro-she kaif?)
• Skol'ko vesit meshochek? (skoyl-ka vi-es-it mesh-oh-check?)
• Gdie skriepka dlya malenkoi papirosy? (good-yey skry-epka di-lee-ya malin-koy pap-eerosi?)
• U tebya papirosnye bumagi? (oo tibya pap-ee-ros-nee-yey boo-magi?)
• Kto svernul etu papirosu? (k 'toh sver-nooleh-too pap-ee-ro-su?)
• Etot kaif nie moi, ofitzer. (eh-tot kayf nye moy, off-it-zer.)
• Kuda poshla papirosa? (ku-DA pash-la pap-ee-ro-sah?)
• U tebya trubka dlya gashgisha? (sooh tyb-ya troob-ka dil-ya gash-gisha?)
• Ya ochen sumashedshii i dikii amerikanskii turist. (ya achen soom-a-shed-shi ee deeki amerikanski toor-ist.)

Now that you speak the languages, you're ready to hit up the top places to buy and smoke marijuana on Earth. Marijuana Tour Guide Adventures by Thomas Longe chronicles the best places around the globe to get high. Time to put your new skills to use!