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Cooking with Insane Jane

An Investment Opportunity

By Mark Stigers Published 3 years ago Updated 3 years ago 6 min read
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The aroma filled the air with the smell of carbolized Mary Jane and simmering butter. Victoria Heartt let it cook for well over an hour. As she was known to her close friends, Vic filtered out the solids from the hot butter. Then she let it cool. With that butter, she measured out the required ingredients to make three dozen chocolate chip cookies.

Erick von Stiel came out to Vic’s condo in Venice Beach.

“Look, Vic, about last night, I had a situation...”

“Come in, fool. Our second date, and you do this to me. You told me you were coming back here to pick me up, and we were going to have dinner last night,”

Erik took a cookie from the plate on the table. When he looked at Vic’s face, he swallowed his cookie in one big gulp.

“You called three times last night saying you be here anytime, I should have known after the second time, but no, I stayed for the third. And here you are at nine A.M. I always end up with the losers. You sure are ballsey to come in here and start eating my magic cookies without even asking.”

“Ha, ha, magic cookies, what makes them magic, Vic, well did you put your finger in them while dancing around by the moonlight?”

“Very old, Ancient Hippy recipe by Mary Jane.”

Vic smiles as she thinks to herself the fool still has not caught on yet.

Erick saw her smile and knew something was up. “You don’t mean real Mary Jane … do you?”

“Insane Jane herself!”

Vic just smiled one of those evil grins.

“Look, Vic, I can’t get stoned. I have a board meeting in three hours. These guys will know. I‘ll never hear the end of it.”

Vic ate a cookie.

“I wish I could be there.”

“Maybe I’ll get lucky, and it will wear off by then,” Erick said.

“I doubt it. The butter was triple strength. Look, I get edgy when I have to wait for someone all night. I make magic cookies. The last time I made excellent ones like these was the Snowflake incident in Arizona in 1975. Those seven morons took two dozen of my cookies with them. Travis was missing for five days. Erick, the others saw the Mother Ship take him.”

“Just great, I don't need a UFO incident. Woman! If you are going to hang with me, you need to be more adventurous before you can be international. The run in Hong Kong was bloody. The Chu sisters were hoping that I had bet long on just electronics. I had not. They picked a fund with several electronics firms invested together to spread risk and gain diversity. Low risk, low return. When the market collapsed last night, I was in a position to make a killing, but I had to be careful not to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. It took skillful supervision to ensure that I maintained a solid position through their trading day. The terror extended to the US market, so I also had to shore up my standing there. If you do not have the stomach for this sort of thing, you need to know, this is how I swing. There will be times when my business dealings will interfere with my private life. Would you shine on a million-dollar deal for a dinner date?”

“Okay, you made your point. Oh, by the way, Erick, I heard through the grapevine that your ride was spotted in the lot of the Candy Store. Didn’t they just bust the place for underage girls dancing there?”

“My office is in the same building as theirs is at, Vic, and yes, last week they did get busted, but it was ICE that busted them for illegals working in the back as dishwashers and such, but they are people too … oh my God, I can feel it … it is starting … I’m getting stoned. I’m never going to live this down. What is next? At least I didn’t spend last night in white satin.”

“Saw them at Red Rocks in Denver, for you, It’s Just a Question of Balance, Erick.”

“Vic, it was a cold-hearted orb that ruled my night, OMG this is going to be a bad one we are talking in song’s lyrics.”

“Erick, you need to loosen up. You are wound too tight. This might be just the thing for you.”

“I’m thinking about pressure, temperature, and volume. If the volume stays about the same, but the temperature rises, the pressure must rise. Those big buses use a floating spinner to measure the air pressure in the tires for safety. It would be so much cheaper to use a spot temperature monitor to check the temperature of the tires and compute the pressure of the tires than the complex spinner that they use on the bus. A simple spot checker could be developed on all cars to check tires. There are many blowouts that could be prevented. OMG Vic, I am really stoned. They are going to know something is up.”

Victoria laughed with evil intent and said, “Revenge is a dish best served cold.”

“Woman! I’m suddenly starving. Let’s go eat.”

“Your eyes are little narrow red slits, Erick. You can’t eat cookies and drive, let me. We are going to Cap’n Jacks Flaps.”

Over breakfast, Erick said, “You know I may be out of it, but these cookies are pretty good. I bet we could make a killing on these in the new marijuana market, Insane Jane’s Magic Cookies. I’ll bring it before the board this morning. That way, the Cinco Amigos will have an offer for today. I need eight cookies for the presentation to those clowns. If this works out right, you could be into your champagne and caviar dreams by the end of the week.”

“If my cookies will bring world peace, Erick, I’ll have a go at it.”

Erick and Vic went to his office after they picked up the cookies. Erick had his secretary print up some presentation handouts for Insane Jane’s Magic Cookies. There was one large sign for demonstration purposes. Before you knew it, it was time for the meeting. We covered the sign and put a plate of two cookies at each of the investor’s chairs. As the group came in and sat down at their chairs, each ate a cookie. Then Erick passed out the handouts for Insane Jane’s Magic Cookies.

Gentlemen, there is a new market in California. And you have partaken in what I feel is an unknown part of that market. We can’t afford to pass this investment by and squander a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. It is time to tune in, turn on, and get rich.

“These are magic cookies,” came a voice from one of the group of the board?

“We are businessmen now,” said another of the board, “I haven’t been stoned since the seventies. What have you done to us!”

Erick said, “Insane Jane is not going to kill you. We all raised hell in our time, so don’t give me the purity stuff. Besides, if you want, eat the other cookie and talk the investment over with God.”

“No, Erick is right,” said a board member, “if we let this pass us by, we get left behind. If we want in this market, we better pick a good thing and jump before the train has left the station. Have any of you looked at some of these numbers in this industry? They are impressive.”

As a member of the board, what do you do? Vote to accept the proposal and eat the other cookie, or do you reject the motion, act indignant, and throw away the other cookie?

marijuana minute
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About the Creator

Mark Stigers

One year after my birth sputnik was launched, making me a space child. I did a hitch in the Navy as a electronics tech. I worked for Hughes Aircraft Company for quite a while. I currently live in the Saguaro forest in Tucson Arizona

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  • Mark Stigers (Author)4 months ago

    The story "Sci Fi Cooking with Insane Jane" by Mark Stigers combines elements of comedy, business intrigue, and the impact of a potent edible. Victoria Heartt, known as Vic, uses her special butter made with "Mary Jane" to create magic cookies. When her date, Erick von Stiel, accidentally consumes these cookies, he finds himself in a humorous and compromising situation. The narrative takes a turn when Erick, a businessman, sees a potential investment opportunity in Vic's magic cookies. He proposes marketing them in the burgeoning marijuana industry. The story cleverly satirizes the evolving cannabis market in California, blending humor with a business pitch. The ending leaves the board members with a decision: whether to vote for the proposal and eat the other cookie or reject it and throw away the cookie. The story uses the effects of the magic cookies to emphasize the unpredictability and humorous consequences of business decisions. ChatGPT

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