Where My Demons Hide

This picture represents me giving up the things I thought that were essential for me but have only weighed me down throughout my time having them. I used to think that I should never forget about the past, I should learn from them. So I collect memory items. Little objects that have significant meaning to me and it has become a problem is recent times because I have been holding on to intense memories from my past I associate with depression and suicide. I thought that just throwing them away would mean I am giving up the time period and the lessons that were taught. I learned about what it takes to be happy and I found the sort of self actualization that I would consider equivalent to “finding jesus” but in a non religious way.

Every item in this picture is something that has hurt me in the past whether directly or indirectly. The sight of these brings me back to a time when I couldn’t sleep for more than 2 hours at a time and even when I wasn’t sad I felt nothing. I was addicted to the pain I caused myself.

I had many friends that helped me through the time but whenever I was alone that was when all the bad thoughts came rushing in. I was afraid of myself. There was nothing in the physical world that necessarily scared me or caused me unrest, no person and no object. The problem was in me and I had to exorcise whatever got in me and caused this. The road to being ok was definitely not easy and also unclear. I have blocked out some memories from the time and I don’t fully remember what it was that caused me to get healthy again. I know I turned to science and psychological treatments in order to trick myself into being ok again. I have said it before but I really think that it was the massive amount of support I had in every aspect of life. I never went through much trouble with parents or my friends and so I had plenty of people I could go through. A part of me thinks that my friends and family is why I’m still alive.

These objects that I once thought were vital to me became the only things bringing me back. I know I need to not forget the past and learn from it but these things did nothing but bring me back. The sight of them causes me to think about the past. the only things holding that side of me from becoming completely a thing of the past. I have put all of these negative feelings and memories into these items so getting rid of and seeing these things leave my life would be the one last step to freedom from the problems I have previously faced. I let these objects carry the burden I once had. I have cleaned myself and it’s time for me to clean the rest of my life and that starts here.

I don’t need to keep these to remember what happened to me because my success and happiness is a symbol of what I have overcome. This is my official send off to the demons of my past.

The picture:

This picture was taken at midnight on July 13th. I used adobe light room to edit my pictures and here is a list of the effects and adjustments I used.

Light:

Exposure: +.49

contrast : +6

Highlights: -51

Shadows: +49

Whites: -28

Blacks: -31

Tone curve

Highlights:+ 55

Lights: -29

shadows: -54

Color:

Temp: 4600

Tint: +6

Vibrance: +15

Saturation +46

Color mixer:

Orange:

Hue: -14

Saturation: -34

Effects:

Texture: +46

Clarity: +23

Dehaze: +49

Vignette: -25

Detail:

Sharpening: 65

Noise reduction: 21