SUBURBAN SUMMER

foreword

after my summer plans fell through last minute, i found myself more sad about it than i really let myself feel. i spent the first few weeks at home in coppell allowing myself to believe that i was missing out on something bigger, something better elsewhere. as each day passed, i grew angry with myself for letting this all happen in the first place. thinking about all of the things i could have done differently, about all of the places i could be, and all of the things i could be doing. one day i came across an interview in rookie mag between lauren tepfer and mariah mcmanus (riah) that helped shift my thoughts.

What advice would you give young people who are looking to pursue a career in a creative industry?

Someone said something to me recently that really stuck: “You have the permission to be exactly who you are, right now.” We’re on this journey to find out who we are or who we’re going to be and we often miss the beauty in the moments of where we are right now. I think that’s the beauty of creativity, that it’s an expression of who you are right now, and it doesn’t define you forever. I was always afraid of putting things out because I didn’t want people to define me by where I was in that moment. It was very scary for me. I finally realized that being able to let people see where you are is so special–you’re always evolving and people get to be on the journey with you. It’s very freeing.

although she’s mainly referring to where you are right now in a creative sense (something i struggle with often), it made sense to me in the perspective of where i am right now physically. i love the lil bit “you have the permission to be exactly who you are, right now." rather than focusing on all of the things i could be doing and all of the places i could be, i needed to appreciate that coppell is where i am right now, and turns out, where i needed to be this whole time.

mid-june, my mom endured a silent heart attack that led us to spend a week in the hospital. after that week i knew i was supposed to spend my summer at home and absolutely nowhere else. in the waiting and the healing, i began to experience anxiety like never before. i would lay in my bed every night with my mind racing from one conclusion to the next. my dreams became infiltrated by themes of fear and loss, waking up every morning feeling like i had been punched in the stomach. i began to dwell in this unfamiliar place.

one night my parents and i ordered chinese takeout and ate it around the dinner table. i always look forward to the fortune cookies solely for the little treasure of a message inside. for the most part, the fortunes are completely #unrelatable, but me being a superstitious person, always hold on to a little hope that it somehow may apply to my life. that night i unfolded a fortune that read–

“more art in your life at this time will help you feel better”

are you kidding me? my jaw dropped. i needed that. what felt like a slap in the face in the most gentle way possible, jump started my whole summer project.

the idea for this photo project came to my mind once i fully accepted where i was, good ol’ coppell, texas. the place that raised me, and the place that i call home. this town holds a map of memories, each inch molding a corner of my heart in one way or another. now looking at this summer through a different perspective, i decided to capture coppell while i still have the chance to call it home. my only goal is to photograph these places how they truly are and how i’ll always remember them.

i’m slowly finding comfort in the situation that became my summer ‘18. this is my home and this is where i am, right now.

my home

within these walls hold years of laughs and cries, family dinners and holiday celebrations. although it’s not my first house, it’s the house that raised me and the house that i call home. when i was younger i would cry thinking about saying goodbye to this house. now, being older and more mature about how life works, i definitely still cry about it. when i think about this house i think about my first play date with jaime, when she came over after school and we ran around my house screaming that there was a ghost because the tv had unexpectedly powered off. i think about my first puppy, mcduff, running around the corners of the house and my 5 year old self chasing after him. i think about the sweet smells that filled each room from whatever my mom decided to make that day. i think about the tree swing my dad helped me build and hang in front of the house. i think about the movie nights in the game room when my friends and i would compete to see who could make the best pallet to sleep on. i think about the sweet moments of having my brother live right down the hallway, and the less sweet times of sharing a bathroom with him. my kitchen became the natural “go to” for good conversations and good snacks (shoutout to janine for keeping the pantry stocked at all times). i am so thankful for this home and the people that filled it. for every guest that walked through the doors, and for all the memories in between.

the neighborhood

oh the joys of living 1 minute away from all of your best friends. this is something that you don’t really take time to appreciate until senior year of high school before you are about to be miles and miles apart.

when i think of jaime’s house, i think about all of the games we would play and videos we would make inside and around the house. whether it was sardines with creepy video game music dancing throughout the pitch black house, or the infamous “happy birthday nick jonas” video filmed on the playset in her backyard (link in bio). let’s also never forget our big break in sean's film ‘big snakes,’ (coming soon to theaters near you). we always had fun here. the view from her driveway will always be my favorite. this is where we ripsticked, practiced passing the volleyball to each other while spelling out each jonas brothers’ name, and pretended to be gymnasts. i love this house like my own.

when i think of emma’s house, i think about all of the crazy things we would get ourselves into. whether it be dressing up in her mom’s old clothes and making cringy music videos only to put them up on youtube for everyone to see (link in bio), or standing a few feet apart in the front yard tossing her brand new puppy (sorry jack) back and forth to each other. i will never forget playing american idol in the hottub and seriously critiquing each other as if we had any music ability at all, or the time we spent all day in the backyard planning who was going to be on our softball team the coming year. “my house” by flo rida will always remind me of her home, and i can’t just be the only one.

when i think of grace’s house, it just makes me laugh. from the side yard, to the snow day where we made the best stop motion to the song “yeah 3x” by chris brown (link in bio). not only did she live just a street over, but she lived just close enough for us to walk up the street to tom thumb. although we probably looked like hooligans hauling bags of ice cream and brownies on the side of one of the busiest streets in coppell, we definitely felt cool doing it. i will never forget when she made me army crawl across her living room floor at midnight to get a glass of water from the kitchen just because she didn’t want me to wake up her parents, or the time her and i dressed up as justin bieber and jaden smith and performed a well choreographed dance to never say never. but above all else, i will never forget the night that bonded our friend group’s relationship (and almost broke me and grace’s)… the night of island of truth. and i’m just going to end it with that.

school

when i think back to some of my favorite childhood memories a majority of them take place within the walls of either town center elementary, middle school north, or coppell high school. as a child, getting an education isn’t something you necessarily prioritize for yourself and i never realized how blessed i was to go to school in coppell until i left for college. when i was applying for colleges, i for some reason thought it would be a good idea to use my cisd username for my account. little did i know that would soon become my a&m email… mkb6358 forever.

town center is where i learned how to read and write. where i learned how to play the recorder and how to make art. town center is where i had the once in a lifetime opportunity to dance in front of the whole school to the jonas brothers with an obama mask on, and where i had the privilege of delivering the 5th grade commencement speech at graduation (something my dad still cries about today). town center is where i met the most important people in my life. i met jaime in mrs. brehm’s kindergarten class. i met emma in miss sargent’s first grade class. while jaime and i pretty much became a package deal around the third grade, emma and grace had already established their deal, which eventually introduced me to grace (i love networking). we soon became a 4 for 4 combo deal towards the end of fifth grade and beginning of middle school. this was the start of a lifelong friendship.

let’s face it, middle school is tough. one word, puberty. two words, north athletics. if you had the privilege of going to coppell middle school north, you may have also had the privilege of participating in north athletics. instead of talking about all the monday miles, all the bleachers climbed, and all the times i threw up on the side of the court, i’m going to thank north athletics for shaping me into the driven and focused person that i am today, and the person i physically… was, ha. (back to back super cougar award winner, seriously not a big deal, i’m humble about it). middle school was such a developmental stage in my life for so many reasons, but most importantly, in seventh grade i fully accepted christ and that truly changed my life forever. i think i liked middle school more than most kids do, and i wholeheartedly believe that i peaked in eighth grade, but i don’t know, there’s still time... right?

before i say anything about chs, i will admit that i am one of those people who forever wishes they were back in high school, maybe a little too much. those four years cannot be summed up in a paragraph. during high school i found myself eager to explore my creative abilities. i began to invest myself more into developing my passion of photography. most of my time was spent in a107 heaven, the yearbook room. my duty on staff was to capture moments and memories for 3,000+ students so they could remember their high school experience forever, all the while i was making and capturing memories of my own. my friend group grew, rekindling old soccer friendship with julia, playing sports and having almost every class with kirkley, mary transferring to chs, and despina and delaney through the new techies. the group text titled 'SQUAD' (classic high school us) is still somewhat alive and well... well, i keep it alive that's for sure. even though i think my friends and i exhausted every corner of coppell once we got our driver’s licenses, we definitely made the most of our time. senior year still ranks as one of my favorite years of my life. emma and i summed it up best in our senior theme copy for the yearbook... “the year that you make friends you wish you met earlier. the year that will soon become ‘the good old days,’ and the year that you have nothing to lose. a year full of lasts, and the youngest we will ever be.” talk about poetic.

beltline road

beltline road, the cure to all heartbreak, boredom, or moody feelings. the necessary windows down/music up fix my friends and i always craved. after a busy day or a day of doing nothing, my friends and i would pile into a car and head west towards beltline road. there is really nothing special about this road other than the speed limit being 50mph (just the right speed for windows down to still be enjoyable), and a convenient escape from the center of coppell.

you know that feeling you get when you pull into your driveway at home, and the second you put your car in park the song you’re listening to ends, mmmm. well, our go to song for some reason became anna sun by walk the moon. coincidentally, the song being 5 minutes and 21 seconds long, measured up exactly with the duration of one loop down beltline. during those 5 minutes and 21 seconds, (or longer if we put the car on loop, lol) we let go of everything that was on our minds, dangling our arms out the windows, or standing out of the sun roof. each drive down beltline was different for each passenger, but together we sang the lyrics and felt free in the moment. drives down beltline just aren’t the same anymore, but will always remind me of some of the sweetest, and most liberating feelings i have ever experienced in coppell, or my life in general.

outside the bubble

although the coppell bubble is great, my friends and i found ourselves exploring neighboring towns or taking every opportunity to get out of suburbia. we spent plenty of evenings at grapevine lake watching the sunset or enoing from tree to tree. we loved hopping from parking garage to parking garage, whether it be eating zoe’s take out on the top of the chase bank garage on the side of 121 or sitting on the roof of my car on the downtown garage that hands down has one of the best views of dallas. or the drives to the dfw airport observation field, or what we simply call “the airplane place.” each of the locations generously provided a space for “heart-to-hearts,” a cheesy name we once used for… real conversation.

closing

this summer was hard for me. i met a new side of myself, a part of me that can be harder to love. i learned a lot about solitude, silence, and stillness. i learned to love where i am, no matter the circumstances. i’ve always loved my family more than anything, but after this summer and seeing how strong and selfless they all were during my mom’s recovery time at the hospital was unlike anything else. i enjoyed concerts alone and days spent without leaving the house. i spent more time with a seven and eight year old boy and my friends became two golden retrievers and a white goldendoodle that i would hang out with four times a day. my summer wasn’t filled with extravagant trips or cool internships, but it was a summer of rest. enough time to be forced to take a step back, look at what i have, look at who i have, look at who i am, and be grateful. i am thankful for my suburban summer <3

i also decided to compile some songs on spotify to accompany these photos. these songs make me feel that same deep nostalgia as these photos, these places, and these memories make me feel.