Letter to a Camera

Dear Camera,

I can’t say that I liked you very much as a kid.

You would sneak up on me quietly, and before I knew it, in a fraction of a second, you would have already launched your attack. First a loud clicking noise would break the natural ambience, a mechanism that you would use to stun your victims. And then, you would strike with your most potent weapon. A weapon that you would use to disarm and blind your prey. That bright flash.

I guess you must have really enjoyed capturing me in my moments of utter weakness.

Moments of awkward smiles and awkward poses. Moments where my eyes were half shut and my mouth open in a wide yawn. And most devastatingly, moments that I naturally assumed were meant to be moments of privacy. Like those moments when you’re sleeping in the car. You’re contorted into this angle that only the girl from ‘The Ring’ would be able to replicate. Your tongue juts out of your open mouth. It points to a crusty line of drool from the corner of your mouth to the bottom of your chin.

I remember looking at this moment with my mother right after you had attacked. I felt my face swell full of disgust at my rather unbecoming physical being. My rotting self esteem seemed to gnaw away at my belly.

My mother was one of those parents who tried to take photos every chance she got. I didn’t really get why she loved her camera and taking photos so much. I didn’t get why everyone around me seemed to love their cameras and taking photos so much. I preferred to live out an experience. At least that’s what I told my camera- shy self...

I used to find it quite peculiar how at the first mention of the word “photo” at parties, family functions, you name it.. everyone would huddle around like sheep being herded into a shearing shed, holding their devices, pushing and shoving just to get the ‘best shot’. I mean if you examine the craze for selfies back in 2015 as the hit single “Let me take a selfie” was released, you’ll realise that frankly, everyone had an obsession with taking photos.

But why are we so obsessed with taking photos? Exactly what makes it the ‘perfect medium’ for recording memories (I mean journaling or even painting would be another option)? Do we even take photos just to preserve memory or is there another social influence at play? And in retrospect why exactly are we so hellbent on trying to preserve not the memory as a whole, but only the best version of that experience?

Take my mother for example, she would take around 20 to 25 photos at any given opportunity and then delete 19 to 24 of them to leave that one perfect shot. That one (absolutely perfect) shot that would then be emblematic of that one memory, all the goods and the bads.

Maybe that's why people love taking photos.

One, they take literally a fraction of a second to take.

Two, they relay information in a way that is easy for our brains to comprehend.

Three, you get to delete the ones that you don’t like... just like that. It's no biggie…

I guess that’s something that I have in common with the majority. The fact that we’d all rather forget our memories of weakness.

With photos, we are given the ability to only recall what still exists (usually only moments of perfection) in our devices. We choose to neglect the parts that we fear will induce a feeling of shame. Nowadays, the china tea cups that hold our self esteem have become as fragile as ever. I guess through the influence of media apps like Facebook and Instagram, society has fostered an obsession with curating the perfect digital identity. And that can be quite problematic.

It fosters an avoidant attitude. One that hinders us from facing and fixing our issues. It warps our memory and fuels our stress in attempting to achieve impossible standards. We choose to ignore the lessons that can be learnt from those ‘bad’ memories when we are given the ability to delete our moments of weakness.

After that fateful car ride, I finally learnt to sleep with my mouth closed. It’s done wonders for my snoring...

And now as I look back on that memory, I find myself laughing at my younger self… stressing over that little photo. Oh how unbecoming that photo was!

But perhaps we should all listen to the advice of my younger camera shy self. Instead of attempting to always preserve memories, we should put down our cameras and attempt to live it out as an experience. Immerse ourselves in both the goods and the bads. And not restrict our memories to only what we have recorded in a smart device.

So dear Camera, I guess that all that’s left to say is thank you for motivating me to improve my sleeping habits.

Kind-Regards,

Your-Frenemy.