It All Went WRONG

This day was not a good day.

Introduction

Well, it started out being a good one. The sun was fulgent outside, my street was quiet, and I had told my grandmother,

“No I am not sad.”

Even if I looked sad in the photo I just took, I just have a sad looking face when I am not smiling.

She’s on an island in the Caribbean Sea.

The past

They came back to haunt me.

I was depressed 4 years ago, or a little over. I couldn’t walk to go to the bathroom to brush my teeth, and on the days when I could, I would feel light headed and bushwhacked. So this is how it would go — I would eat and sleep, then MAYBE, tomorrow I will brush my teeth.

What’s that?

“You’re so gross.” Someone in the back.

“So how did you pee and poop then?” Another in the front.

Oh, uh… that was the only two things I had enough energy to do. It got used up before it got to the point where I needed to brush my teeth.

Don’t worry, things did get better.

Well, sort of.

Kicked out

There was a voice in my head — back then —saying:

“Since you got kicked off the system for missing so many dental appointments, don’t you think you’re going to lose a tooth one day?”

Maybe all of them.

You bet I told that voice to shut up.

But it was right, what would I do when that happens?

Will it?

I cried my eyes out and got angry at my mom when she repeated the same thing to me.

Nothing improved, the days got longer and more insufferable. Maybe they were shorter and more nauseating. I wanted nothing but to be in the clouds, away from having to figure life out on my own (suicide is not worth it, don’t do it, please). I had no one to call daddy, no one to tell me how precious and valuable I am, only a book to tell me that I was fearfully and wonderfully made. I wish I could tell you that this helped me, no, I had gotten more angry and more dismal, I needed some form of human touch -— even if it was a hand shake.

Now that we are all caught up.

The first dentist appointment I went to… in years. The lady was amazing, the only pain I felt was when I had to bite down, to get a picture, an x-ray of what everything looked like in there.

She was heedful with her words, which I value with all my chest. But there was a hint that something was not right with my gums, other than the fact that they would bleed before and after brushing my teeth. The cleaning needed to take 1hr instead of 45 minutes.

That’s not a huge difference I know, but she cared — she didn’t tell me the full story — or rather —it was the job of the hygienist instead of the general dentist.

But the fact is that it ended up taking 1hr and 45 minutes. I am not kidding.

If I allowed this to go longer, I would lose all my teeth. That’s right. I also have a slight bit of bone loss, which I know is not great, but in that area I still have a good amount of bone left.

I have to pay through my teeth, why is the dentist so expensive?

They have an indispensable job. Helping us to feel good when we smile, not just the tiring part of trying to get all that tar tar. Getting below the gum line, with a patient who does not tolerate the slightest discomfort —is a big job.

Is that not a miracle though? The fact that I only have minimal bone loss, not too much where nothing can be done…

Which leads us to this photo.

Through the fog, there will be light over the horizon. - Caitlin Charlton

There will be that little voice in your head that will urge and warn you. And you do have to listen to it, it’s not going to keep at you forever. You may even have demons dreams too, or something may happen to someone else —the same thing you feared or avoided doing. It is at this moment when you should do it, it is at that moment when you should allow the fear to destroy you and activate your sweat glands.

Start running to the dentist. Don’t jog!

My husband's dental appointment drove up in the driveway of our calendar, and I was sick to my stomach. So much so I forgot to sweat, but really, there should’ve been some sweat.

This was why I went to the dentist. Only to find out that I have periodontitis.

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A/N Thank you ever so much for reading 🙏🏽♥️