Hyperspace

I took this image on my iPhone 7+ at about 8:30am. My son was eating breakfast and I was drinking coffee, staring at the wall behind him. I noticed in moments that the morning sun was low enough to cast a lot of direct light onto our balcony window. In the original image, I wasn’t even sure if I liked it. Typically I use a Nikon for photos, but the moment was right and wouldn’t last long, so I used my phone. Standing as close to the wall as I could manage, I cropped out the recognizable details of our blinds until the focus was the shapes of light and opposing vertical/horizontal momentum of the composition. In the VSCO app, I played with color grading and light values until I found a cool toned, high contrast sweet spot. Film aesthetics are coveted in my favorite personal photos, so I gravitated toward a Kubrick space-inspired tone.

The actual lighting in our apartment was brighter than the unedited photo would suggest, so getting the final result was extremely satisfying. I’ve been trying to push my perceived artistic limits with my phone since then.

To speak to the title, I’ve been coping with the loss of a loved one for almost five years now. Meeting my now husband—growing our family into the life affirming unit it has become—saved me from a much darker path. I still struggle with grief, as all people do once they’ve been handed it, but mostly I find myself weeping with gratitude for the way our life is now. I’ve managed to cross into an alternate dimension where 90% of my life is the polar opposite of the struggle it once was. I can’t imagine what the odds are for one’s quality of life to absolutely turn around.

Before, I couldn’t keep on weight. I was making just enough money for expenses so I could stay home with my dog as much as possible. I hadn’t picked up a camera to do anything creative in a long time. It was bad. Once I met my husband, he encouraged me to put time into photography again.

Depression is still something I struggle with, but not like I used to. I take care of myself now to show my son how important we are to each other, and in hopes he can have the emotional tool belt that I spent time putting together for myself. Photography is my go-to method of self care, outside of hygiene and setting goals to meet in the future.

Now that I’m beginning to utilize my phone for legitimate, fine art photography, I’m excited to see where my aesthetic drives me next.