You Saved Me

I went through a lot of dark periods in my life. It took me a while to find my strength. On my journey, I found myself in a relationship I would wish on no one. For months I begged for one thing: unconditional love. At that point in our relationship, I didn’t even want it from him. I wanted a puppy. He would always shoot it down saying, “We already have one dog! We don’t need another.” But I begged nonetheless.

One early morning, he shook me awake, “Hurry up! All the puppies are going to be gone!”

Groggily I looked at him, “What are you talking about?”

He rolled his eyes annoyed and huffed, “Haven’t you been bitching you want a dog?” I eagerly nodded my head yes. “Then get up! We gotta go,” he said as he walked out of the room and slammed the door. I quickly hopped out of bed and threw on my clothes. Ready in record time I ran out the door.

We drove about an hour to one of the main shelters on the island. I was so excited to find a companion to call my own. I scrolled through their online catalog and tried to think of a name. The only stipulation given to me: it had to be a girl.

When we arrived I did my best to hide my excitement. I’ve always loved animals growing up and even now I sometimes wish I worked with them. I searched the aisle knowing I would find the one. I stopped at every kennel and gave love to every animal I could. The best thing you can do is to adopt. These animals are some of the sweetest on earth and want nothing more than to show unconditional love to their saviors.

When we entered the puppy room, I saw her. This cute, lanky, little, docile creature. She was held haphazardly in some woman’s arms. “That’s her!” I gasped when I saw her.

He looked at the dog then back at me, “She’s already taken.”

“No, they are gonna put her back, watch. She looks miserable in that girl's arms.”

“Just find a different one,” he snapped as he walked towards one of the kennels. I solemnly walked over to him. A spunky, little pit was yapping in her cage. He laughed as he watched her. “What about this one? She reminds me of you,” he pointed at her as he looked at me.

“Yeah… maybe,” I said glancing at the other puppy, still in the woman’s arms. Sure enough, as I was watching this lady awkwardly hold this young dog, a worker came over and took the puppy out of her arms. The young worker walked over and put the dog back in her kennel. “She’s back in her crate!” I nearly yelled, running over to where she was. I looked at the worker, “Can I hold her?” I asked looking at the puppy. She sat in the corner of her crate, looking sad and alone. Her brother trampled over her for my attention. She was much smaller than him and the other dogs around her and I wanted nothing more than to smother her with my love. Her white coat was littered with brown spots and her big brown eyes looked at me longingly. Her big brown ears were too big for her face and her long legs didn’t match her little body. The woman took her out and placed her in my arms. She immediately curled herself into my neck as if she had always belonged there. I instantly fell in love.

“She’s the runt of the litter,” the woman said to me as I cradled this angel. “Her brother eats all her food.” This forced me to hold her even tighter as she dozed off in my arms. The poor thing smelled of urine and dog food. But I couldn’t care less.

“I guess she’s the one, huh?” He asked walking over to me. “What’s her name?”

I smiled as I looked at my sleeping pup, “Cersei.”

When I adopted Cersei she had kennel cough, a herniation in her groin, worms, among other intestinal issues, and malnourished. I also later learned that she had massive anxiety. The ride home was stressful, to say the least. She was so sick and she wouldn’t stop shaking. When we got her home, she wouldn’t eat or drink. She was throwing up and had massive diarrhea. But I was determined to work with her and help her get better. I wouldn’t give up on her and I hoped she wouldn’t give up on me.

Eventually, things got better. She began to eat and drink. She started to act like a puppy, running around and playing with her new toys. She quickly acclimated herself to her new environment. I loved watching her. Her big ears would flop in her face and she would be stumbling over her legs when she would try and stop. Soon she started to tumble into her stops. She brought me so much joy in those first few days. Then the riots started.

My ex was a member of the services and had to fly down as security. I would be lying if I said I wasn’t concerned for his safety. But I was thankful to have a companion to help me through. I wish I could say I was shocked when I found out about the other woman, that lived in another state, but I wasn’t. I should have expected it. It didn’t change the hurt I felt or the breaking of my heart.

I fell into a deep manic state. Money was tight and I was struggling to survive. There were even a few nights where I wasn’t sure how I would wake up in the morning. In my hysteria that cold little nose would touch my cheek and nuzzle herself into my neck. She began to anticipate the anxiety attacks and would lick my tears aways until I calm down. I realized if I wasn’t going to live for myself, I had to live for her.

I found joy in Cersei. She had a quirky personality and always made me laugh. She loved everyone unconditionally and didn’t have a mean bone in her body. She eventually grew into her ears and legs but never understood her size. Now, six years and seventy pounds later, she still sleeps on my lap.

As she snores next to me, I can’t help but smile at her. Cersei is my best friend and everything I could have ever asked for in a pet. She brings me so much joy every day and I couldn’t imagine my life without her. Cersei saved me, more than I could have ever saved her.