The Struggles of Fostering

If you are at a time in your life when you are not able to adopt an animal and make the commitment to stand with them for the rest of their lives, fostering is a good thing to turn towards. It allows you to help an animal, care for them, and give them all the love and attention they deserve before going to their forever homes.

However, there is one part of fostering that is rarely spoken about, that I feel it is important to address: the heartbreak. The heartbreak that comes from watching that animal leaving and completely breaking yourself off from their lives for the rest of yours, is devastating.

You put your whole heart into them, just to have them leave. You can tell yourself it's just temporary all you want, but they rely on you so much, that it is practically impossible to rely on them the same way.

When they finally find their family, and you meet up with them or have them come to you to take the animal, you smile and say how happy you are to see them... when in reality, you're probably not. I will admit this, I sometimes dread seeing people pull into my driveway knowing that they're coming to take my baby.

I have adopted out cats before while sobbing. Will I second guess my choice on actually giving them away? Of course, I will. Will I think of all the possible ways I can get them to stay with me? Of course, I will. Will I even start to carry out those plans? I will. But it is because I love them.

I will always give them away in the end, and allow them to carry out the rest of their lives happy and in a home that can put the commitment into them that you cannot at the time. I have had many unsuccessful fosters in my life, and have ended up with four beautiful fur-babies because of it... but there comes a point where you can't take in any more.

Unfortunately, I am at that point. These past few months I have been strictly fostering and forcing myself to let these babies go, even when I become so attached to them. It is not an easy thing to do, and anyone that says that it is - is lying.

Running an un-official rescue like I do right now has so many perks that it has completely changed my life around. I cannot imagine myself going back a time where I haven't done what I am currently doing. I will most likely be doing this for the rest of my life, and I want nothing else.

Do I have time to work and actually get a job on top of the rescue and school? Not at the moment. Do I have free time to go out and sleep over at my friend's house? No, my animals require constant attention. Do I have the time to just say, "oh, I'm sick, I need to take a day off." No. But would I change it in for anything? Absolutely not.

I have never devoted myself to something so whole-heartedly in my entire life. I have never committed myself to something so wholly than I have while rescuing these cats. I deal with mostly stray or feral cats, and almost all of them come to me with a health issue of some kind. The amount of energy and time that consumes to doctor them back to health establishes a connection that is unbreakable.

Knowing that you are the sole reason an animal is alive will give you a sense of self-worth like no other. It is worth it for the heartbreak, but that doesn't mean that it doesn't hurt: because it does.

When someone shows up to adopt that animal, and you hand them over to their family, a piece of your heart goes out to each and every single one. It is such a bitter-sweet moment. You know that the sweet angel you have put so much time, energy, care, and love into is going to be loved forever, but you wish that it could be you that provides that for them.

I rescued twelve kittens a few months ago, and almost all of them were completely feral. I had to work with them for weeks before they were even close to being ready to go to a home. There were some kittens that I had for practically two months because they were so feral. By the time those babies left, they were exactly that - babies. They were snuggly, and craved attention, and loved to play.

But my heart shattered every single time I gave one of them away. They were what started this - the Barn Cat Colony, the name of the rescue that I run. They were all barn kitties at the farm that I work with, and I have not bonded to another rescue group like I have with them.

They will forever be missed by me. I didn't end up keeping a single kitten out of their litter, which surprises me to this day. My very best friend adopted one of them, Lorelei, and I haven't seen Lori in a long time. I've seen her while visiting Callie, my friend that runs the rescue with me, but that's it. Lorelei is staying with me right now while Callie handles a few difficulties, and I have constant flashbacks to the original twelve.

My heart breaks every single time that I think about them and seeing Lorelei in my home, but four times the size, makes my chest constrict and ache like I'm reading a sad book.

If you are a foster, and you constantly have animals fluctuating in and out of your household like I do - blessings to you. Not only because you are giving these furbabies a second chance at life, but because you are allowing yourself to suffer through each and everyone.

If you are interested in following our cat rescue and seeing the things that we post, you can like our Facebook page - www.facebook.com/barncatcolony