The Secret World of Mr. October

The sun is gleaming on my nose as I stretch one eyelid open, then the next, releasing a big ole' yawn and stretching myself from head to tail. I roll over onto my back, paws in the air and I feel my mother's touch slip over my chest and down to my.... oh yeah... that's the belly spot.

What a tail waggin' mornin' it has been. After waking up to my lovely servant, I sniffed out a sock and hid it where she'll never find it. Too bad she hardly ever looks anymore.... it's like she doesn't even care about bringing back the stinky ones!

*Clink*

"Octoooooberrrrr!"

That's my que! Food, Food Food! Oh boy oh boy what will it be today mother!?

..... And she expects me to eat pork??? What happened to the chicken yesterday? I am no peasant..... I'll just have to wait and grab my own breakfast.

*ring ring*

"Hello? Yes, I can do that. I'll be there in ten."

I peer around the corner as if to say I'll miss her. I watch her take each bound down the stairs and fly out the door, allowing it to slam behind her with such force the entire house shakes. She is always going somewhere to do something, with other puppies no doubt. That woman acts like I don't have the best damn sniffer in town!

I slowly feel the emptiness of the house sink in, but I'll never admit that I worship that cheating little woman of mine.

I meander over to the shoe rack and pick up my nicest pair of booties. Knowing we are due for a little weather soon, I slip on my raincoat as well. Full force ahead, I retrace my mother's steps from this morning and leap up to yank the door handle down and release it. Thank God she is too scatterbrained to even lock it.

Alas, I am human-less and free, and the World is my Bone. The only thing stopping me is the crazy animal police, but they don't come around this part of town until later anyways.

I let out the biggest Big Boy howl my lungs can eject, only to recede into the shadows and wait. I hear one set of paws, then two, followed by two more.

Now that the crew is all here, we all let out a collective howl to let any rivals know we are out and ready.

Our day kicks off rather slow, patrolling the neighborhood and lappin' on some whiskey one of the boys found for us. Maybe it's the aging scotch, or perhaps my eyes deceive me. The most mesmerizing Maltese is headed directly for me!

I glance at my boys, and they give me the go ahead. Who needs five pups on patrol at one time anyhow?

I approach her with "The Look" and give her my very best greeting. I come to learn that her name is Bella. If there's anything my mother has taught me, it's how to be a gentleman.

After noticing her shiver beneath her delicate fur, I reach around my rear and return to face her, raincoat dangling by my teeth. Her eyes light up as I lay it over her and pull the Velcro tight. It's the Maltese in her.

We chat for minutes, which feels like puppy hours to me but what do I know? I am just a lovestruck pup!

I convince her to return to my home with me and share the breakfast I was previously ungrateful for. Time continues to pass, and our short lived romance quickly hits third base. I walk her all the way home, retrieve my belongings, and curl up back in my mother's bed.

I am deep into an episode of "Dig, Bark, or Howl" when I hear pawing at the front door. CAT! I immediately jump to my feet and begin growling as I race back down the steps. I slowly creak the door open, ready to pounce!

It's Bella... and she's pregnant.

At this point I knew my mother would be home at any moment, but I was in so much shock I just stood there on all fours staring blankly in her direction. How do you know? Was my initial thought... but Bitches always just know.

I invite her in, and have my snout pressed up against her belly when the worst happens. The front door creaks open slightly, then bursts wide open with Mom standing directly under the doorframe. She glances down to acknowledge me, and immediately opens her mouth then shuts it. She looks at me in dismay.

"Occctttooobeeerrr!"

My eyelids flutter open, sun still shining. I roll over onto my back and let out a big stretch, glancing around the room. Dazed and confused, I prance into the kitchen and find a bowl laid out for me already. Pork?

Don't mind if I do....