The Calming Cow

To some people this is just a cow in a field no different than any other cow in fields and on farms all over the countrysides. For me it is a beautiful sign of change and maturity combined with a sense of peace and calm in this wild ride of life. For years and for no reason at all, I was ridiculously afraid of cows. I had no reason to be. It was not as if some incident of my childhood could be tied to this abnormal fear. As a teenager my heart would start racing and palms sweating as anxiety from just seeing a cow would quickly take over. I was the subject of many jokes among family and friends regarding the odd fear of cows. At almost 40, my mom still loves to tell the story of me waking her up from a deep sleep to point out cows during a very long bus ride full of loud high school aged teenagers on their way to a show choir concert. Instead of talking and laughing with my friends on the bus, I was quietly trying not to let my anxiety and fear take over. It was irrational and I knew that but still I feared those big creatures grazing on the side of the road somewhere halfway between my home and the western part of Virginia.

Several years later, that all changed while traveling to Tennessee. My family stopped at one of the dirtiest rest stops I've ever seen. I could not wait to get back in the car and back on the road, but our dog needed a traveling break and a bit of fresh air. I hurriedly walked along the dog path which was surprisingly beautiful and peaceful with our dog Maizey. After a short downhill walk down a slightly overgrown narrow path, I found myself staring straight into the large sad looking eyes of a giant cow. It stood not even 10 ft away from me grazing on the other side of a very small and frail looking fence. I froze in that spot alone with just my thoughts and my senior dog sniffing around unsure of my next steps. I waited for the familiar feelings of anxiety to creep up all the while breathing in the fresh air trying to gather courage to turn around and make my way back up the path.

Something in my thoughts stopped me. I told myself to stay calm and stay present. I looked at the cow and he or she just stood there slowly munching on some grass. The cow was so quiet and calm, I soon realized my heart was not racing and I did not feel scared. Actually the cow was kind of cute. A feeling of calm washed over me. Who knew walking Maizey at a gross rest stop on the way to Tennessee would be so peaceful and freeing. I headed back up the path and settled back into the car. I felt so happy and proud of myself. I knew in Tennessee we were bound to see many cows up close as our family friends lived on a property that backed up to a dairy farm. I could not wait to show my mom that I could stand near a cow again without fear. I could let go of all those anxiety riddled feelings that were so irrational and embarrassing.

Over the years, my feelings about cows have changed. I'm no longer afraid. I find myself enjoying their quiet calm nature. Their wide-eyed expression makes me feel they have no care in the world and I often wish if even for a moment that I too could have no care in the world. They are trusting and docile and being in their presence can be so endearing. There is something so beautiful about cows grazing in a luscious green field. Seeing a cow may seem so ordinary to most people, but to me seeing a cow is a pleasant reminder of a time when I conquered my fears and laid rest to something that caused way too much unnecessary anxiety.