Puss in Boots? Try Puss in Sweater

They say that the road to hell is paved with good intentions. I wouldn’t call my experiences hell, but I’ve certainly made some bloopers along the way.

Recently, Holly, one of our cats developed matting of her back fur. Just to clarify … she gets regularly brushed and every morning she gets combed. When she sees me reaching for my comb, she jumps on the bed and strikes a pose that says … When you’re done with your hair, do mine too. Which I do, with her own comb.

I start with the top of her head, followed by her cheeks, chest bib, body, tail and neck collar. Each section getting five strokes. So the fact that Holly’s fur matted has nothing to do with neglect.

When the matting became bothersome to Holly and she started plucking her fur, ending up with one mouthful after another, we thought it was time for a shave. We brought out the cordless electric shaver and set to work. Holly didn’t mind at all. Patiently waited until we were done.

The result was not so attractive. While the matting was gone, Holly’s skin was now partially exposed and cold to the touch. If this was summer, I wouldn’t have worried about her exposed skin, but this being winter I was concerned. Was she cold?

I went online, looked for cat sweaters and found some very nice ones. I didn’t hesitate and ordered two in a size medium. One to wear when one was in the wash. Two days later the sweaters arrived. I cut one out of the packet, slipped it on Holly and … it was too small. The sweater barely reached halfway down her back.

No problem, I sent the sweaters back and went for a large. Two days later the larger sweaters arrived, once again I maneuvered Holly into one and while it fit perfectly, she didn’t like it. She wasn’t uncomfortable as such, but I could just see that this was a bad idea.

Oh well, I have four cats, so maybe one of the others might like it. Halley and Greyson love to go out on the balcony. Whether it’s -5, -10 or the floor is covered with snow, they scratch the balcony door until I open it. So I figured if Holly doesn’t like the sweater I’ll put it on Halley and Greyson for when they go outside.

I put the sweater on Halley and … she just stood there, didn’t move an inch. “Come on Halley,” I said, “Walk. The sweater will keep you warm when you go outside.” My words fell on deaf ears, she refused to move one paw.

Okay, maybe I would have more luck with Greyson. I got hold of him, slipped on the sweater and … he didn’t like it either. He lifted one paw, lifted another, gave an excellent impression of Michael Flatley’s dance routine and complained ‘Take it off, take it OFF, TAKE IT OFF!!!’ So I did.

Next up, Charlotte. Charlotte is an old cat, skinny at that, and just like old people, I thought she might be cold. I put the sweater on her and … she fell over. I put her back on her four feet and … she fell over again. Okay, so this was a no go too. I packaged the sweaters up, sent it back and got a refund.

I don’t get it. I see dogs in sweaters and booties all the time, and I’ve seen cats in sweaters, why did my lot want nothing to do with this warm garment?

So much for my good intention. Will I ever learn?