Omar's Diary to 25th October 2019

Lady and Man Servant were away on their travels on Monday and Tuesday of this week.

They did manage to serve Mitsi and I breakfast on Monday morning before making a rather hurried departure in the ‘red thing.’ As it was such a nice day, I heard Man Servant suggest they could travel with the roof down. I think the journey to wherever they were going was rather silent.

Our Servants engaged the services of Skimbleshanks’s Lady Servant. I do hope he was fully aware of this arrangement as I would rather hate to think that anyone looking after us was moonlighting.

The protocol here at Omar Towers regarding contact between members of the servant species and myself is very clear. Contact is only permitted on my terms, that is if I approach a servant. Lying on my back with my legs apart and exposing my stomach is not such an invite. Fortunately, our itinerant servant is now aware of this protocol. I did not have to draw blood once over the two days she looked after us which I have to say she did very well.

I think someone has been watching Downton Abbey unlike my own Servants who forgot to leave enough provisions for Mitsi and I.

I still am very worried about Larry, the Downing Street feline. His new servant, also referred to as ‘Prime Minister’ seems rather distracted. And if I may say so, under a bit of pressure after less than one hundred days since his appointment. What concerns me most is his behavioral trait of giving different answers on the same subject at different times. I do hope that when he is asked if he has looked after Larry properly that when he answers, ‘Yes,’ he does not change his mind five minutes later and say, ‘Oh cripes and jolly japes I completely forgot... it’s that servant, the Leader of the Opposition… it’s all his fault I forgot Larry.’

By no stretch of the imagination is Man Servant a food critic. Any bad comments he makes are included in any reviews he does. He very rarely makes any adverse comment at the venue. On Monday evening he broke this rule.

He and Lady Servant were having their evening meal at a hotel restaurant. Lady Servant had mushroom pancakes with a hoisin sauce. They both classified it as an IKEA meal. It came as set of components which then had to assembled. Man Servant got very brave and ordered a light dish of scallops served on a bed of truffle flavored mash potato with a piece of bacon. He has reached the age where he cannot eat anything too heavy after 6:30. Not only did both meals take longer to be served than the UK leaving the EU, Man Servant’s was stone cold. He then got even braver sent it back to the kitchen.

I do fear that having done this once there might be a pattern starting.

Both of my Servants have been deeply engrossed in books. Lady Servant has been working through the pages of a book about a religious order in Ireland. How they behaved so callously towards their followers who in their eyes misbehaved and suffered physical and mental punishment for the rest of their lives. It has been quite shocking to hear Lady Servant recount some of the tragic stories on those pages. And this all happening just two generations ago in servant life expectancy terms.

Man Servant has finished reading a book called the New Silk Road about a rail transport link connecting China to Western Europe, all of the related infrastructure projects along the route and the geopolitics surrounding the project. I do fear that this country may miss out on some opportunities this link will provide by looking west for trade rather than to the east which is becoming the epicenter of the world’s economy.

Perhaps when this project is completed it will be possible to board a train in London, first class of course, and travel without any changes all the way to the coast in the far east. How marvelous to travel to the coast nearest to the Tonk Archipelago where my ancestors live and then catch a boat, first class again, back to the islands my ancestors inhabit.

Fortunately, in Omar Towers, we do not have a gadget called an ‘Alexa.’ I understand this ‘Alexa’ is a sort of robotic servant that you can give instructions to. Not much good if you want the car, even if it is the ‘red thing,’ brought to the front of the house to travel in. It is a digital robot which cannot move so how would it be able to drive.

Man Servant has visited at least two homes where they have an ‘Alexa’ and has been having great fun with them. At one house he asked ‘Alexa’ to wake everyone up at three thirty in the morning. Fortunately, the servants he was visiting heard him and cancelled the alarm and it took them three attempts before ‘Alexa’ let them know the alarm was cancelled. At another home he whispered to the servant he was visiting and the Alexa there must have heard him as it confirmed ‘Alarm set for 3:30.’ Again, it took three attempts to cancel the alarm.

He does enjoy a practical joke.

I am so glad we don’t have one of those here at Omar Towers. I find a loud meow followed by some retching gets my Servants out of bed at three in the morning quicker than a fighter jet off the deck of an aircraft carrier; even if they do not want to be up at that time. Mitsi has perfected this art as well. Those electronic voices always sound like an American lady servant who has just cleaned and flossed her teeth after breakfast on a sunny morning.