Omar's Diary October 2020

by Alan Russell about a month ago in satire

Samuel Pepys, rocks, jury service, injured horses, deliveries and the start of winter

Omar's Diary October 2020

"Up and at the office both forenoon and afternoon, very long" Samuel Pepys 1st October 1664

I know how he felt as Man Servant and I sat down to prepare the diary.

Thursday 1st October 2020

This morning the new month started with the sound of air brakes, crunching gears and beeping as a lorry backed into the driveway of Omar Towers before I had finished my breakfast.

What was going to be happening here now that no one had told me about?

The lorry was delivering a pile of rocks which Man Servant became very excited about. After the lorry had driven away I watched him from my greatly restricted window sill as he constructed a rather smart looking dry-stone border. He was extremely careful, marking the line of the wall with string, digging a shallow trench, lining it with membrane, then shingle and then placing the rocks to great effect attempting to make them look both natural and random. This has to be one of the very few projects he has ever completed without having to get help.

Well done Man Servant.

Monday 12th October 2020

Lady Servant was not happy this morning.

Having been called up for jury service at the local Crown Court to day was the first day of duty. When she left she was burdened with a bag of food, drink and a Bible. Because of COVID restrictions the court cannot use a communal Bible for jurists to take their oath on. Instead the court asks that those doing jury service bring their own "holy" book in to swear on. Before jury service we did not have such a book in Omar Towers so Lady Servant ordered one. It is massive and made up most of the bulk in her bag.

Man Servant tried to improve her mood by telling her she was carrying out a very important civic duty. That went down quicker than Newton's apple and failed abysmally to lift her mood.

All was not bad as Lady Servant was home by three. She was very happy she had not been selected for a jury; yet.

Tuesday 13th October 2020

Groundhog day.

Having been called up for jury service at the local Crown Court to day was the second day of duty. When she left she was burdened with a bag of food, drink and a Bible. Because of COVID restrictions the court cannot use a communal Bible for jurists to take their oath on.

Man Servant tried once again to improve her mood by telling her she was carrying out a very important civic duty. That went down quicker than Newton's apple and failed abysmally to lift her mood, again.

Thursday 15th October 2020

One of the equines, Benney,came in lame from his field with a cut near his fetlock which in hindsight was a portent for things to come.

Sunday 17th October 2020

The Servants left Mitzi and I this morning to go and visit the equines. As they were leaving I distinctly heard them say they would be home for the rest of the day by eleven. Oh dear me.

"Benney" had been on box rest since Thursday. "Bryn" had been kept in overnight last night with a similar injury. This morning when he was checked over he was extremely lame. The Servants called a vet who was in attendance within an hour.

I find this medical service for non-servant species amazing. If it had been one of the servants with similar injuries they would most certainly not have a had a home visit and would have waited until Monday morning to speak to anyone. No, the medical service us non-servant species is truly remarkable.

"Benney" was not as seriously injured as Bryn who after examination had to be admitted to hospital for treatment. The hospital was over fifty miles away so Man Servant, Lady Servant and the itinerant lady servant drove him there not returning until nearly five this afternoon.

This evening was very quiet.

Monday 18th October 2020

Mitzi disgorged her breakfast in the hallway this morning. This would not normally be a problem; more of an inconvenience. However, her timing this morning was absolutely perfect. As her breakfast returned Man Servant had just opened the door to receive a delivery, ironically of cat food. The delivery servant took one look at what was happening near Man Servant's feet and legged it down the driveway quicker than an Exocet.

Wednesday 20th October 2020

"Bryn" came home from hospital. Man Servant accompanied him and was very tired, again, when he returned to Omar Towers.

Later in the day Parliament voted against making sure that free school meals would be available during the half term break and the Christmas break for those children who face hunger during those periods. My own Servants were particularly annoyed at this and have started to build up a stock of food to be handed over to the local food bank next week. As well as servant food from the Servants, Mitzi and I have contributed some feline food.

Sunday 25th October 2020

Today marked the beginning of winter with the clocks the servants run their lives by changing by an hour. They had an extra hour in bed this morning, or were supposed to.

Felines have their own clocks but they do not measure time in terms of hours, minutes and seconds. That would be far too complex and as far as we are concerned, pointless. Why would we have to measure time when we do not have any collective history like servants do?

Regardless of the time our Servants had on their clocks Mitzi and I knew that it was time for breakfast. Mitzi signals this by scratching at a wooden table in the hall. It always gets Man Servant out of bed and downstairs. This morning he looked unusually disheveled and if I may say so, was bit grumpy. He duly made coffee for himself and Lady Servant and fed Mitzi. While all this was going on I was discretely hidden. Then just when he was back upstairs I started to call for my breakfast. This is a routine we go through every morning and both my Servants still think it is purely random and not orchestrated.

And so "to bed" Samuel Pepys 25th October 1660

satire
Alan Russell
Alan Russell
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Alan Russell

I am a very lucky person. I live in a beautiful area,the New Forest,have a happy home that I share with my wife and two felines. More,much more than this I travel many highways,to interesting places and meeting interesting people.Carp diem.

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