My heart dog

From the first moment we look into our pets eyes, we understand that someday we will face great heartbreak. It’s the burden we bear as pet lovers. But, where would we be without them? Who wants a quiet home when you could have the howl of a husky or the tapping of nails on the floor or furniture and everything else covered in hair? You never have to use the bathroom alone again because your squad is coming with and they have your back.

You play, you grow, you mess up, and you learn that you can clean up vomit.

They get older, they get sick, you deny, you plan. They die.

We learn how to walk without tripping, we hear them when they aren’t there, we see them in their favorite spots.

How do we move on from this time and time again? Because we are better with them than without them.

The first time I heard the term “Heart dog”, I was too hardcore to believe in any of that stuff. But that all changed after I had to put my dog Fuu (Foo) to sleep.

A heart dog is comparative to a human soul mate, the dog that you could spend the rest of your life with. That was my dog Fuu. My sweet Fuu. My Foo-fa-la. My pig-bull. Fuu du fafa. My turkey. My Fuu-fers. My darlin. She was a rescue pit bull (of course she was). The first dog my husband and I adopted as a couple and the most amazing dog according to us and everyone who ever met her. Right from the start we knew she was the one because she was so lazy! That may not sound amazing but have you ever had a lazy dog? We could take her anywhere, and we did. Everywhere we went, Fuu went too.

When we moved to Colorado we were jazzed to explore the park across the street from our house. Every day we would spend at least an hour exploring the trails and creeks at the park. It was her favorite place and where my favorite memory of her lies.

It was a beautiful day. The air was chilly as the autumn clouds came rolling in over a bright and shiny sun. The leaves had turned and our neighborhood was bursting with vibrant golds, oranges and reds. I teased Fuu with her favorite word (walk) and she stomped her feet and wined happily. I tyed my shoes and pulled a hoodie over my head as she watched with excited patience by the front door. It was our ritual. The same thing we did every day with just as much joy and excitement as the previous day. We were out the door, running across the street to our sanctuary of creeks, cottonwoods, and secret trails off the beaten path. She took in all the scents while I got my steps in and before we knew it, we had been there for almost an hour. I felt the tug to return home, it was close to dinner time and Fuu was about at her limit of energy. We stopped by the creek so she could float around the water and take a break for the last stretch of our walk home. Then, a rumbling came from above. Those lovely autumn clouds surprised us with a sprinkle of rain, dappling the water with tiny ripples. The thunder rolled again.

“Uh oh.” I thought. I looked at Fuu, luckily she hadn’t seemed to notice what was going on. Fuu had severe thunderstorm anxiety you see. The thought of her trembling, pacing and panting caused my own anxiety to rise. I knew I had to take action fast.

“Let’s go Fuu!” I grabbed her leash and we quickened our pace down the dusty trail. The softly falling turned into a rain shower and soon we were running down the trail that was quickly turning into mud.

I kept my focus straight ahead, not too far away was a covered picnic bench, if we could get to it quickly we could wait out the rain and I could try to keep my anxious dog calm. The problem was that the shelter was about a half a mile away and the rain was picking up. It wasn’t much longer before it began to pour and thunder.

“Oh no,” I thought. I turned to look at my girl expecting to see her shivering with wide eyes but what I saw instead shocked me even more. Fuu was running as fast as her old legs could carry her, her mouth gaped open into a smile and she bobbed her head joyfully from side to side. With every pace she picked up the mud between her toes and flung it behind her. She looked down right joyful! I swear I could hear her laughing just by the look on her face. Instantly I was relieved, my body felt less tense and I smiled. She was having so much fun!

“Good girl Fuu!” I smiled.

She replied with a smile back.

I let out a hoot and a yip! Fuu kicked up her back legs, flinging the mud and frolicking. She was having so much fun and it was infectious! In this moment we were two best friends playing outside in the rain and mud. Hooting and skipping and laughing in the face of our fears. The rain came down, but our spirits were high and we were one with nature.

She amazed me, and I was so proud of her. By the time we reached shelter the worst of the rain had passed. We were drenched and out of breath. My shoes and her toes were caked in mud and I felt so alive. As we walked home my head buzzed with the love that I felt for her.

I can now say that I am no longer too hard core to believe that Fuu is my heart dog. Our bond was so deeply connected. There were times she saved me just by being next to me. She was always there when I needed someone the most, always happy to see me, to give me kisses and to sit with me when I was sad. She nurtured a lot of growth in me.

We had her in our lives for an amazing, however, incredibly short 5 years. Every day we told her how much we loved her, and that she was the bestest girl ever. We told her on her last day too. When she left a part of myself left with her. I only realized after she was gone what unconditional love felt like, to give it and receive it.

The little moments in life are often the most profound and memorable. For a while, it was hard for me to remember anything else other than her last moments in my arms. At the time, I didn’t understand how important this memory would be for me but now I am so grateful that I can return to that rainy day any time I want. I walk my new dog Bruce down the same trail and I always think of Fuu and the rain. She is always close to me in some way. I remember her when I revisit the places we’ve been, I hear her feet stomping when I’m tying my shoes, I see her in my dreams when I sleep and I feel her when it rains. She is forever my heart dog.